


Make My Human Heart Ache

by DhjdB



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Actually a lot of angst, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Clark is being overprotective and kind of a dick, Depression, Drunk Kara Danvers, Drunk Lena Luthor, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Honestly there's so much angst, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor go on a mission together, Kara Danvers supports Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor-centric, Lena Luthor Doesn't Know Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor is a Gay Mess, Minor Kara Danvers/Mon-El, One last warning: there is so much angst omg, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Alex Danvers, Protective Kara Danvers, Protective Lena Luthor, Sam knows what's up, Season 3 rewrite, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, a bit of smut, a lot of lesbians, paparazzi spy on Lena Luthor in her office sometimes which leads to complications, sanvers break up, the lesbians survive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-02-10 06:25:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 51,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12906069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DhjdB/pseuds/DhjdB
Summary: Kara tries to reject her humanity and shuts everyone around her out. Lena is able to pull her back into Kara’s skin and out of Supergirl’s armour.As Lena and Kara grow closer, Lena start to become more suspicious. Lena is dangerously close to finding out the truth when Alex puts herself in danger and Kara is forced to act. When Lena’s suspicions start to grow, Kara tries distancing herself again but soon finds it is a waste of energy to try and stay away from Lena Luthor, for their beating hearts are drawn to each other like magnets.When Alex breaks up with Maggie, she falls into a depressive state that goes along with excessive drinking and reckless behavior. After one drink too many, Alex ends up in a dangerous situation which puts both her life and keeping Kara’s secret identity from Lena at risk. Kara and Lena decide Alex needs help and  Sam offers for Alex to help her out with watching over Ruby. Alex isn’t sure if the feelings that she starts to develop towards Sam are purely out of gratitude and admiration, and Sam prays to God that whatever she is feeling for Alex is just because her bonding so well with Ruby.Takes place throughout the beginning of season 3. Supercorp centric.





	1. I'll bend my steel armour for you

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter to this story is relatively short.
> 
> It is mostly meant to show you where Kara and Lena are at mentally.
> 
> Kara and Lena are the main ship in this story, Alex and Sam will happen later on and will be more of a side-ship!!
> 
> This story starts at the beginning of season three and develops along the storyline of the first 5 episodes.
> 
> Throughout this story I will rewrite a lot of scenes from the first five episodes of season 3, but I promise I will use my own scenes more and more! Some scenes from the show are crucial, however, to the plot that I have in my head.
> 
> A happy ending is guaranteed, cause this ain't no CW! (I just don't know how long and how many chapters it will take me to finish what I have in mind)
> 
> Also please note: English is not my first language! I have a native English speaker check my work before I upload it, but if you were to find any grammar errors/misspelled words/incoherent sentences please let me know so I can change it! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy working on it! :)

It was the first time Lena saw Kara in weeks. 

 

Ever since the daxamite invasion, the two had run into each other a few times but the exchanges were always short and hurried. A quick ‘’hello’’ and the formal ‘’how have you been’’s were often as far as the conversation went. Kara always had some place she needed to be, either work related or family related. Lena, as a CEO of a multibillion dollar company, understood this of course. But that didn’t stop her from missing the blonde. 

 

She had called Kara multiple times as well. And Kara had even called her back once or twice. They had shared one long and good conversation over a phone call. Lena had made a joke about how it was possible that Kara had to do more work as a reporter than as  _ Cat Grant’s _ assistant. This had made Kara laugh, and something in the sound of that laugh and Kara’s refusal to hang up only until two hours later had told Lena that that was probably the first time Kara had let out a genuine laugh for a very long time. 

 

Kara was taking the loss of Mon-El very hard. And Lena would give up anything to help Kara even in the slightest bit to help her feel a little better. And so on the day of that phone call she had postponed all her meetings in order to keep talking with Kara, and had managed to make Kara believe she was working from home for a day. 

 

They had talked and talked, joked and there was even room for the occasional flirt. But eventually when Lena had worked up the courage to ask Kara out for a brunch date again, as friends, Kara’s voice had suddenly changed in tone and only a few minutes later the sound of a dead line was all that Lena heard. Lena was left to wonder if Kara would ever be able to forgive her for causing Mon-El to leave Earth. 

 

But today, without warning, Kara Danvers had stood in the entrance of Lena’s office at L-Corp. And it took Lena completely off guard. She tried to act normal of course, which turned out to be surprisingly easy. The blonde and the brunette had always had a magical connection and it didn’t matter how long they hadn’t spoken to each other. When they met, the conversation somehow flowed naturally between them. 

 

Lena was watching Morgan Edge’s announcement about taking over CatCo when a knock on the door disturbs her. When she looks up and sees Kara standing there, on her nerdy flats and with her glasses on, hair loose but not quite all the way down, she has to catch her breath before she is able to speak. 

 

‘’Hey,’’ She says. Kara doesn’t answer but instead walks straight up to the desk where Lena is sitting. Figuring Kara is probably here because of the whole Morgan Edge buying CatCo thing, Lena starts ranting about Edge knowing this would be a good conversation starter.

‘’I hate that sentient bottle of cheap cologne . Did you know?’’

 

‘’No,’’ Kara’s voice is formal, a certain hardness to it that doesn’t fit with her usual cheeriness, ‘’James was blindsided, too. He thinks it’s his fault for getting in Edge’s face’’

‘’You don’t spend that kind of money on a grudge.’’ Lena’s eyes follow Kara while she speaks and the blonde takes a seat opposite of Lena. Lena is not used to having Kara around anymore, and can’t help but inhale a sharp breath. And Kara, having the ability of superhearing, can’t help but notice the change in speed of Lena’s heartbeat.

‘’Do you think the shareholders will listen to Cat?’’ Lena asks, regaining control over her breath.

‘’Well, Cat had to put her shares in a blind trust when she became press secretary. But I did some digging; Edge had been quietly buying up shares until today, when he put a tender offer to the majority shareholders.’’ Kara’s voice lacks emotion. Lena misses the bubbly, enthusiastic reporter in Kara.

Lena stands up to get herself and Kara some water. Her mouth had gone inexplicably dry from the moment Kara had walked into her office. 

‘’Hey, no more free press.’’ She jokes as she hands Kara a glass of water.

‘’You’ve invested in his portfolio, though, so I figured if you could talk to him, you might be able to be persuasive.’’

Lena stands in front of Kara and tries to straighten her posture, hoping it might have an intimidating effect on the blonde so that Kara would drop the formality in her voice and make a teasing remark like she used to always do when Lena tried to play off buisiness woman for Kara. 

‘’He doesn’t respect any opinions that aren’t his own. Especially not a women’s.’’

Kara doesn’t waver, however, not allowing herself to feel anything. 

‘’Lena, you helped Supergirl save the world.’’ 

Or at least Kara tries to not feel anything. But something in her posture changes. Something in her voice changes. She feels intimidated by Lena standing so close in front of her, and before she knows it, she has put on a playful face and drops a flirty remark.

‘’How hard can one stubborn sexist be?’’

Lena laughs. Her tactic had worked and she can read in the blonde’s face that Kara hadn’t meant to make that comment. ‘’I’ll see what I can do.’’ She says through a smile.

Kara’s posture changes again as she looks away from Lena’s eyes and grabs her purse, trying to flee the scene before she can allow herself to feel anything more and let Lena get under her skin again. ‘’Thanks,’’ Kara says, and she rushes away towards the door.

‘’Hey,’’ Lena says before she can stop herself. She doesn’t want Kara to leave so soon already. She wants to be in Kara’s company a little more. She wants the unique smell of the blonde to linger around her office for a little longer. But when Kara turns around and Lena meets two cold, emotionless blue eyes, she hesitates before speaking. 

‘’I mean, I miss you. Is everything okay? Cause I keep trying to make plans and you keep ditching.’’

‘’I’ve just been busy.’’

‘’Right, uhm.’’ The hardness in Kara’s face and voice breaks Lena’s heart. She knows she should give the blonde her space, and she knows that she is even lucky Kara still wants to spend time with her and still wants to be her friend, after her building the device that was the reason Mon-El had to leave. But she feels like she has to say something more. She needs Kara to know that she is truly sorry for her. She needs Kara to know that Lena never meant to hurt Kara. 

‘’I also just.. I wanted to say that I was sorry for the part I played in what happened to Mon-El. And that I’m here for you if you still want that.’’

‘’No, you did what you had to do.’’ Kara’s voice changes and her facial expression softens. It’s almost as if she is afraid to hurt Lena. As if she is afraid Lena blames herself. Because she is. Kara doesn’t want Lena to suffer and blame herself for a choice that she made herself. ‘’And that was Supergirl’s call anyways, not yours, so.’’ Kara trails off, distracted by the news about reports of a burglary coming from Lena’s iPad.

‘’I should get going.’’

There it was, and there it went. Soft and accepting as silk one second, and cold and emotionless the next. It breaks Lena’s heart to watch Kara struggle with herself like this. She wishes she could somehow peel off that mask, peel off that armour that Kara had gotten way too comfortable in over the last few months ever since Mon-El’s departure. But she knows it isn’t her place. She should be grateful that Kara still took the time to visit her. That Kara still cared for her. And so the conversation ended, as always, with Lena trying to make plans and Kara shrugging it off. ‘’Brunch, soon?’’

Kara is already halfway towards the door when she looks over her shoulder and smiles at Lena, a simple nod is given and a second later Lena is alone in her office, 200 feet above most of the citizens of National City, once again. 

                                                                                                                ~

It could get very lonely from time to time. Always working in her office, figuring out formula’s, trying to break the codes that could lead to new scientific breakthroughs and calculating what it all would cost and add to the company. And the events that Lena had planned for tomorrow were not exactly helping her focus. 

Tomorrow was the day that the statue of Supergirl was going to be unveiled to the citizens of National City, and Lena had taken it upon herself to present the statue. It had been a rather spontaneous decision of her to do this. 

It happened only a week or two ago, when during a board meeting she overheard a few men who worked for the city council talking about the event, and complaining they still hadn’t found someone who was available to present the statue to the city. Lena hadn’t hesitated for one moment, and immediately offered to be the one to do it. Any chance she could get to make a good impression on National City’s caped hero was one she wouldn’t let slip through her fingers. Because apart from Kara, Supergirl was the only person that could make Lena forget about the world around her. Not as much of Kara could, though, of course. The power to distract Lena from everything around her entirely, laid in Kara’s hands and in her hands alone. 

But Kara was her best friend. And Lena knew these feelings she had for the blonde were not merely platonic anymore, and were therefore inappropriate. She didn’t want to feel these things for Kara. She didn’t want to feel them because she didn’t want them to get in the way of their friendship. But also because she knew that Kara would never be able to return those feelings, especially not after Lena basically sent her boyfriend away, and Lena was not so keen on getting her heart broken once again.

And so Supergirl was the only person she knew whose presence was strong enough to make Lena forget about Kara for a moment. And to be quite honest, Lena thought Supergirl was incredibly hot. Something about that cape and red and blue suit could just throw Lena right off her feet. And next to that, of course, Supergirl had saved Lena’s life multiple times and the gratitude and admiration Lena felt for the hero was enormous. By revealing the statue of Supergirl, Lena hoped she could show Supergirl how truly thankful she was.

And so Lena had offered to be the one presenting the statue of the Girl of Steel to the city. She was excited for it. She knew Supergirl was going to be there, and she kept in the back of her mind the fact that this was also good press for L-Corp. This good press was obviously not her first interest, but she was still a businesswoman and it was a nice plus one. 

As CEO of a multi dollar company, Lena was used to speaking for a large audience. But that didn’t mean she never got nervous. In fact, the nerves had started to take over her earlier today. She had practiced her speech and she knew what she was going to say, but she was still a little anxious. The fact that every time she seemed to be near a microphone a bomb would go off, was also not a very reassuring thought. 

She wanted to call Kara. She wanted to hear the blonde’s voice. She wanted to tell the blonde about her nerves, and she wanted Kara to make her feel better, because Kara was the only person on this planet that could somehow believe in Lena so convincingly that Lena almost started to believe in herself as well. But Lena didn’t call Kara, afraid her obvious attempts to get closer to her again would have the opposite effect and scare Kara away.

An hour or two went by like this: Lena trying to focus on her work, getting distracted by her nerves, and having the overwhelming desire to call Kara, before forcing herself to focus on the work in front of her again. It was an endless cycle and Lena knew that she had to put a stop to it soon one way or another, or else she was never going to get any work done. And so she finally gave in to her urges and send Kara a text.

**Lena:** Miss u. Hope you are doing okay. Wish you could help me prepare for tomorrow.

 

She added a kiss emoji at the end. She locked her screen and put her phone down, and tried to focus on her work again. 

Sending that text actually didn’t help her focus one bit. She kept glancing over at her phone, hoping Kara’s name would light up the screen.

It was frustrating, how easily Lena was distracted by just the thought of Kara. She was a strong and independent woman. She had never needed anyone to fill in the blanks in her life. She had never stood behind a man, neither behind a woman. Not even with Jack had she felt this constant urge to see him, to hear him, feel him and accompany him. She had never felt this dependent before. And she hated it. She absolutely hated it. 

She had worked so hard for herself to be satisfied on her own. To be satisfied in her own skin. She had trained herself to never let somebody else complete her, to never let her happiness be dependent of another person. It had taken her a long time, and it had cost her a lot of lonely nights. But she thought she had finally gotten to a point where she was bulletproof to cupid’s arrows. Boy, had she been wrong. It had only taken Kara so little time to rip off that bulletproof armour that Lena had worked so hard on to wear proudly. 

Ever since the first time Kara had set foot in Lena’s office the day the blonde was tagging along with Clark Kent for a day, Lena had kept the blonde in the back of her mind. And the next time she had seen Kara, when she found out Kara had become a reporter because of Lena, and when Kara interviewed her about the alien detection device, Lena had known that she was screwed. 

The sudden sound of the ringtone of her phone going off makes Lena snap out of her train of thought and jump in her seat. She looks over to the illuminated screen, and feels her heart skip a beat when she reads Kara’s name. She quickly grabs her phone and accepts the call.

‘’Kara!’’ She couldn’t hide the excitement in her voice.

‘’Hey, Lena! I um, -I got your text and I was kind of craving a little company as well so I thought I would um, -call you. I hope I am not interrupting?’’ Kara sounds like her normal self again, stumbling over her own words with that bubbly tone in her voice, obviously excited to talk to Lena as well.

‘’That’s great. You are always welcome to call me, Kara, you know that.’’ Lena replies immediately. She felt a warmth spread through her body. 

‘’Yeah, thank you.’’ Kara says. Lena can practically hear Kara smiling on the other end of the line. ‘’Hey, you texted me about tomorrow. Are you excited to be the one unveiling the statue? I mean, I know how highly you speak of Supergirl.’’

‘’I am so excited, God! But I am also nervous.’’

‘’Nervous? Are you kidding me? What could you possibly be nervous about?’’

‘’Well, I am still unveiling the statue of the hottest hero in National City to everybody, and almost every citizen will be there, including the Girl of Steel herself.’’ 

‘’Í thought I was your favorite hero in National City.’’ Kara teases through the phone. She regrets saying the words the second they leave her mouth. Why is it that Kara always fails to keep herself from feeling things when it comes to Lena? 

Lena laughs and feels her stomach flutter with butterflies. ‘’You know you are, Kara.’’ She teases back. 

A small chuckle sounds from the other end of the line. Suppressed, but it is still there, and it warms Lena’s heart to know that she had gotten Kara to smile. ‘’But yes, I am nervous for tomorrow. I don’t know whether I have told you this before, but I actually still have a little anxiety for speaking in front of large audiences.’’

‘’No way! Lena Luthor afraid to speak her mind in front of a crowd? I did not have you pinned as someone with stage fright.’’ 

Lena had missed this enthusiastic and caring side of Kara so much. ‘’Well, you better believe it. I think it has something to do with the fact that whenever I am on a stage, some sort of explosive always seems to be detonated.’’ the brunette jokes.

This time a real  _ laugh _ sounds from the other end of the line. The laugh that could make Lena shiver in even the hottest of summers. ‘’Ah, well, yes I can imagine that can cause for you to feel a little anxious to go up there.’’ Kara says.

‘’How considerate of you.’’ Lena just can’t help but flirt. And to be honest, she loves the reaction it never fails to arise in Kara. Because even though Lena can’t see Kara, she can practically feel the blonde blushing through the phone. She decides to give the poor woman a break though, and so she stops the flirting and continues their conversation. ‘’I am just glad that you will be there tomorrow to back me up.’’

‘’Hey, Lena?’’ Kara asks.

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’I might not be able to make it tomorrow.. I am really sorry, it’s just that um, -I have this source that I have to check tomorrow for my next article and it might take me a little longer than expected.’’ There was a hint of guilt in Kara’s voice, and Lena felt her heart sink. She knew it wasn’t Kara’s fault and she knew that if Kara could be there, she definitely would be, but still she couldn’t help her disappointment. 

‘’Oh. Well that’s too bad, I had hoped you would be there..’’

‘’I know. And I am so sorry. I promise I will make it up to you.’’ Kara sounded determined, in a way that only she could sound like.

‘’It’s okay, Kara. I am no stranger to the pressure of work.’’ Lena tries to reassure her friend.

‘’Yeah, I know you aren’t. Speaking of work pressure, now that I am super busy with work and stuff, are you still taking care of yourself while you’re working over hours? Or do I have to start making stops by your office again to make sure you actually feed yourself.’’ Kara jokes, but it is clear to Lena that Kara wants a serious answer.

‘’Uhm, I may have forgotten to eat dinner once or twice..’’ Lena admits guiltily.

‘’Lena!’’ Kara laughs but there is clear worry in her voice. ‘’You need to take care of yourself, you dumbass. Or else you will grow too skinny and there won’t be any Lena left for me to hug!” 

Lena feels her stomach swirl. Heat flushes through her cheeks and she is very thankful that Kara is not able to see her face, because she is sure she has gone as red as a tomato.

‘’I’m sorry, darling. I tried, but I am hopeless without you when it comes to eating. Not that I am an any less hopeless eater with you. You always ruin my diet.’’ 

A chuckle escapes from Kara’s mouth. ‘’Yup, I am guilty.’’ The blonde admits cheerfully.

It makes Lena feel so good to hear Kara like this. She almost can not remember the last time Kara was this cheerful. This is the Kara Danvers that she cares so deeply for. The bubbly, naive and kind hearted Kara Danvers that can look at the world around her and find a miracle in everything, just like a nine year old. 

‘’I am glad to hear your voice, Kara. You sound a lot better than a few days ago when you came by my office. I hope you are feeling a bit better too.’’ Lena hopes that by saying this, she won’t touch a sensitive spot that will pull Kara into a dark mood again. But unfortunately this is exactly what happens.

Lena’s words are met with silence from the other side of the line at first. Then Kara clears her throat and when she speaks, her voice lacks emotion once again. ‘’Thank you. But unfortunately I uh, -I should hang up. I still have some stuff to do.’’

‘’Oh, yes of course.’’ Lena could smash her head into her own desk right now.  _ Why did she have to remind Kara about it? Why did she have to bring that up? _ ‘’I should probably get back to work as well.’’

A silence overcame the two women. Both were struggling with themselves, one wishing she  _ had kept _ her mouth shut, and the other trying very hard to  _ keep _ her mouth shut.

‘’Good luck tomorrow, Lena. You will do just fine.’’ Kara broke the silence. The blonde hesitated before adding, ‘’I have faith in you.’’

‘’Thanks, Kara. Good night.’’

‘’Good night.’’

And with that the line died and Lena put her phone back down. She takes a deep breath and leans heavily with her arms on her desk. She stands up and opens the door to her balcony. Stepping outside, she takes in the view of millions of city lights illuminating the dark blue sky. She hears the sounds of the city in the distance, and spots the moon shining down upon them. She hopes that someday, Kara could be happy enough again to let her armour down. Because Lena misses the spark in those bright blue eyes. She misses the enthusiasm in Kara’s voice. She misses the cheerful atmosphere that the blonde seems to carry with her wherever she goes. She misses it like crazy.

 

On the other side of the city, Kara puts her phone down on the kitchen island, and burries her face in her hands.  _ What was she doing?  _ She takes a deep breath. Her shoulders are tense. She tries to relax them, but it’s no use. Her mind is spinning in every direction.  _ Why did she even call Lena in the first place?  _ Well, that is simple. Kara can’t bear the thought of Lena struggling with something alone in her office. Kara can’t stand knowing Lena feels alone or misses her. Kara had just gotten into a fight with her sister and felt completely miserable. And so when she read Lena’s text, she found herself dialing Lena’s number only a second later. 

She knew she shouldn’t have called. She knew it wasn’t wise. She has probably only made the situation worse for Lena by now, because of the way that she had suddenly changed mood and hung up. And she hated herself for it. Until now, she had managed to keep her walls up around everybody. She hadn’t failed to keep people away, to not let them in. She hadn’t faltered, not even with Alex. But with Lena, something inside of her made it impossible to keep her walls up. Something about Lena just always caught Kara off guard. 

It was not fair. Kara could work so hard on building those walls. Kara could easily crawl into the skin of the Girl of Steel in her private life around almost everybody. She could just keep being Supergirl when she was supposed to be Kara Danvers when she was around Alex, James or Winn. She could so easily keep them away. But when Kara was around Lena, she just couldn’t do it. All Lena had to do was flash a smile, and both Kara’s feet just simultaneously hit the ground. All the walls she had built would shatter, and her Supergirl act simply faded away. 

Lena had that power. Lena could make Kara’s body fill with warmth, even though she felt  _ so _ cold. Lena could make Kara believe, even just for a second, that everything might turn out alright. All it took Lena was one flirty comment, one daring smile and for all Kara knew, her bulletproof skin could have been scraped off her bones, leaving her completely exposed. Kara couldn’t lash out when she was with Lena. She couldn’t even bear the hurt that would flash through Lena’s eyes whenever she shrugged off Lena’s proposal to plan a brunch date again. Kara may be the Girl of Steel, but she was so incredibly soft when it came to Lena.

Kara stands up. She walks over to the kitchen sink and does the dishes while using her superspeed. She is done within a minute, and so she walks to the bathroom to go take a quick shower. She undresses herself and steps in the shower, closing the shower door behind her. She turns the tab open and lets the water run for a few moments in order for it to achieve the perfect temperature. When the water is finally warm enough for her body to feel the heat, she steps under it. 

Kara closes her eyes and lets the warm water fall on her face. Usually she is in and out of the shower within ten seconds. That superspeed ability of hers can come in really handy whenever she is in a hurry. There have only been a few times in her life when Kara actually took the time to shower. Most of those times were when she first landed on Earth. She would feel so alone, so out of place. She would miss her parents and her home. She would miss the smell of her own bed back on Krypton. She would miss the smell that would spread through the living room whenever her father was cooking. She would miss the view from her bedroom. Everything was so different here on Earth.

One thing that was the same here on Earth as it was on Krypton, however, was showering. And so in her first few days, weeks even, on this new planet, she had spent hours under the shower. She would just stand there, sometimes with her clothes on even, and let the hot water run over her face, much like she is doing right now. She would stand there until Eliza or Jeremiah would ask her to turn the shower off, because the amount of water used would cost them too much money. 

Other times, later in her life, when Kara had stood under the shower for a long time had always been times either right after or right before an emotional breakdown. And since Kara hadn’t had an emotional breakdown yet, she knew it was about to come.

Kara is bracing herself for it. Both her hands against the wall, she leans forward with her face down. The water is running down her back and dripping from her hair, which forms a curtain around her face. She tries to dose the strength in her arms so that she doesn’t break the wall. She feels terrible.

In her head she replays the conversation she just had with Lena over the phone. She replays the words Lena had said to her, the sound of Lena’s laugh and Lena calling her  _ darling _ over and over in her head. She replays the words that had come out of her own mouth when she had told Lena she wouldn’t be able to make it to the statue revealing tomorrow, and she replays the sound of disappointment in Lena’s voice.  _ She should tell Lena. Everything would be so much easier if she just told Lena.  _ But she wasn’t going to tell Lena. That way she would let Lena get way too close. There would be no armour left for Kara to crawl back into. And it was not that she didn’t trust Lena. Hell, she trusted Lena with her whole life. She just didn’t trust herself. 

It would be so easy with Lena if she knew. Lena knew what it was like to live in a home that wasn’t hers. To carry a name that wasn’t hers. To have a family that wasn’t really hers. Lena knew what all of that was like, and even though it is not the same to Kara’s adopted situation, it was one of the things that made Kara so fond of Lena. Just like it had been one of the things that made Kara fond of Mon-El. 

He had gone through the same thing as her. He had believed he was the sole survivor of his planet. He had to leave his whole world because it was dying, just like Kara, and had woken up on a strange new planet. He knew what it was like to try to fit in. He knew what it was like to learn a new world’s policies and rules and discard his own. He knew how lonely it was to be a refugee on a planet where racism and discrimination was still a very normalised thing. 

And Kara missed him.  _ Rao, she missed him. _

Maybe she didn’t necessarily miss  _ him _ , but she missed his company. She missed how he would make her feel less alone. She missed how when she was with him, she felt like she belonged. That was what she missed. She missed that whenever she was with him, she didn’t need to be Kara Danvers, she didn’t need to be Supergirl, she could be her true self. She could be Kara Zor-El. She didn’t have to pretend to be human with Mon-El, she didn’t have to try to be Supergirl all of the time. She could just be who she really was, and accept that she was an alien who could maybe find happiness on this planet together with him, another alien.

Kara starts to cry. It’s just a few tears at first. She collapses on the shower floor and sits with her knees pulled towards her body, leaning with her back against the wall. She is heaving, inhaling sharp and painful breaths. Her chest hurts with every breath of air that enters her body. The tears are streaming down her cheeks by now, while the water of the shower keeps falling down on her head, working it’s way down her body until it eventually drips on the floor. Kara puts the power of that shower a bit lower, but it still feels like the water is crashing down on her. It feels like the whole world is crashing down on her. 

She feels an inevitable hollowness in her chest, but somehow it feels like her chest is filled up with too much weight to carry at the same time. It almost seems like someone has cut a hole right in between her lungs and has filled it up with lead. It feels cold and heavy, and it weighs down with so much force. Kara is unsure whether she will ever have the strength to get herself off of the shower floor. And so she just sits there, crying, crawled up against the wall, with the water pouring over her body.

                                                                                                                ~

Kara wakes up the next day with a headache. She had been in the shower yesterday for almost two hours, and even for a kryptonian, crying for so long leaves its marks. Her head feels heavy and her eyes hurt. She slowly gets up from her bed and walks over to the window to open the curtains. Once she pulls open the curtains, and the sunlight hits her face, she can immediately feel the headache fading away. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, giving her body the time to absorb the rays of yellow sunlight. 

He had appeared in her dream again. Together with her mom. It was not making it easier for her to be with them in her dreams. Having to wake up to the harsh reality on Earth and her lonely life as Kara Danvers. Kara pushes the dreams out of her mind and walks over to the kitchen.

After she has made and eaten her breakfast, she calls Alex to ask whether there are any updates on Robert DuBois or Bloodsport and the cloking device that could make a nuke undetectable. It is hard to hear Alex’s voice after their fight from yesterday. She can hear the disappointment, the hurt. But most importantly, she can hear the pity. She can hear that Alex feels sorry for her. Kara can hear in Alex’s voice that she is worried, and wants to help. But she doesn’t want help. Kara Danvers may need help, but she will not be spending much time pretending to be Kara Danvers right now. She is Supergirl, and Supergirl singlehandedly got the entire city up and running again after the Daxamite invasion. Supergirl doesn’t need help.

So when Alex tells her that there are no updates, but that all DEO field-agents are expected to be there at the statue unveiling today, it reminds Kara of Lena. And when Alex hangs up the phone, Kara sends Lena a text.

**Kara:** Good luck today. I’m sure you’ll give a great speech!

Kara walks over to her bedroom and quickly changes into her Supergirl suit. When she walks back, her phone buzzes on the table.

**Lena:** Thanks, Kara. Wish you could be there.

**Kara:** Me too. But I’ll be there in spirit.

**Lena:** I guess you’ll just have to make it up to me.

**Kara:** Hahaha

Kara hesitates before sending the next text. She knows she shouldn’t send it. She knows it is stupid to let Lena in even more. But her heart wants something different than her head, and before she knows it her fingers have acted out of the directions given by her heart.

**Kara:** I would be glad to make it up to you.

**Lena:** That’s good to know, cause I’ve made a reservation in that Chinese restaurant you like. Are you free on friday evening?

**Kara:** I will make myself free :)

 

Lena sends another kiss emoji and with that Kara puts her phone down and rests her face in her palms again.  _ Why is it so hard for her to keep Lena out?  _ She takes another deep breath and almost feels ready to collapse on the couch again and regret every single time she has let Lena get too close. But then she hears a siren in the distance, and within a second she has pushed Lena out of her mind and flies off out of her apartment window to go and help whoever is in need of helping. 

The sirens appear to be coming from an ambulance that is stuck in traffic. Once Kara arrives at the scene, she carefully lifts the ambulance in the air and flies it to the National City hospital. After she has gently put it down on the ground, she doesn’t bother to check if everyone in the ambulance is okay, but instead immediately flies over to the place where her statue will be unveiled. 

She takes position on the roof of one of the taller buildings opposite of the stage on which Lena will be presenting her statue to the citizens of National City, so that she has a good strategic view, as well as a good view of the stage. 

After standing there alone for a while and watching the square below slowly fill with people, she hears J’onn land behind her. 

‘’No sign of Bloodsport.’’ She says.

‘’It’s quiet up here.’’ J’onn replies. He walks up to Kara until he is standing next to her. ‘’You know, I rarely flew on Mars. It was for battle, not pleasure.’’ He looks out over the people that are crowded beneath them. ‘’When I first came to earth, I spent hours up in the sky. It was the only place I could feel.. empty.’’

‘’Well, that’s not what I’m doing up here.’’ Kara has to hold back a snort in reaction to her own stupidness.  _ That was so defensive that even a child could have guessed it definitely is what she was doing up here. _

‘’Forgive me for saying, but you seem to be courting emptiness of late, and that's not you.’’

‘’I tried to be Kara Danvers for fifteen years, but I’m not supposed to be her. I’m not supposed to be human.’’ Kara persists. It seems more like she is trying to convince herself of what she is saying than that she is trying to convince J’onn.

‘’But you have a human heart now. It aches, it scars, but it keeps on beating. If you try and cut it out, you will lose something essential.’’

‘’I can’t help people if I’m broken.’’ Kara is suddenly fighting back tears again. She knows she is broken. But she refuses to believe it. She will not be the girl who is broken just because her boyfriend left. She  _ has  _ to be stronger than that.

‘’You are not broken. You're the strongest person I know. You saved me, remember? You taught me that my loss made me stronger. That was Kara Danvers, not Supergirl.’’

‘’Do you still dream about them? Your family?’’ Kara can’t help but stare off into the distance, afraid to look J’onn in the eye and see the same pity in them that she sees when she looks at Alex.

‘’Sometimes.’’ J’onn admits.

‘’The past couple of months when I dream I see..’’ Kara hesitates. She wants to share this. She wants to get this off her chest. And J’onn is the only person who understands what it is like. ‘’I see Mon-El. With my mom.’’ Kara sees the dreams in front of her, reliving them. She feels that heavy hollowness in her chest, the same feeling she had when she was in the shower yesterday. She shakes her head and quickly forces her thoughts in another direction, not allowing herself to feel this pain again.

‘’We should keep our eyes on the sky right now.’’

And so they do. They stand in silence for the rest of the time, until the unveiling of the statue starts. 

When Kara spots Lena standing by the side of the stage, she focuses her superhearing on the brunette. She picks up Lena’s voice, mumbling the words of her speech to herself. Kara can’t help but smile at this. Lena Luthor, practicing her speech just minutes before she is supposed to go on stage, all just because the CEO still has stage fright. Kara decides this is one among many other things that makes Lena such an amazing human being.

‘’Ladies and gentlemen of National City, please welcome the chairwoman and CEO of L-Corp, Lena Luthor.’’ A man speaks through the microphone.

And there she is. Wearing a black blouse and a black and white tight skirt, walking on beautiful high heels of which Kara does not even want to know the price. Lena is met with cheers and applause from the crowd of people that is gathered at the square. She looks stunning, and Kara catches herself having to adjust her posture to keep standing up straight. 

‘’Now I know you all didn’t come here to see me. So, I’ll start with the good stuff, and then I’ll just say a few very brief words.’’ Lena speaks with the uttermost conviction and confidence in her voice, that Kara still can’t really believe this woman is actually anxious to speak in front of big crowds. 

‘’My fellow citizens of National City, the Girl of Steel!’’ Lena gestures to the big curtain behind her that has the House of El logo on it, and sure enough the curtain falls and with that reveals the statue of Supergirl.

‘’There you are.’’ J’onn says through a smile.

Kara can’t stop the corners of her lips curling slightly.

‘’I am so honoured to be able to present this statue of our hometown hero. Some of you must be thinking, I know, it’s a cold day in hell, a Luthor praising a Kryptonian.’’

Kara can’t stop the smile that is creeping on her face right now. She thinks about the words Lena just said. How lucky is she to have Lena in her life, and how lucky is she that Lena is the one Luthor that had inherited the genes to do good. She looks at Lena standing there, and hears the heart of the brunette beat like crazy through her superhearing, and she just can’t help but smile at this amazing woman.

‘’But ever since I came here, she has been an inspiration to me. She’s been a mentor and, most importantly, a friend.’’ Lena continues.

J’onn catches Kara smiling at Lena and can’t surpress a smile himself. ‘’Now would be a good time for you to join the crowd.’’ He says.

Kara’s smile widens, as she thinks of the reaction Lena will have when she flies over there and lands next her. But before Kara gets a chance to do that, suddenly the ground begins to shake.  _ For heaven’s sake, _ w _ hy do Lena’s press conferences always attract the bad guys? _

_~_

 

A few hours later, Kara is back at the DEO, lying underneath the yellow sunbed. She thinks back to what happened this morning. She had been so close to dying, she almost had been happy about it. She had seen Mon-El again. He had looked just like he did in her dreams. He was reaching for her and she would have gone with him gladly. But he didn’t want her to come with him. He didn’t want her to die. He had yelled at her to wake up, and so she had woken up. And she had saved the town again. 

Alex had been extremely worried once they had all checked in at the DEO again and she had insisted that Kara should lay under the sunbed for at least an hour to regain some strength. Kara had went along with this, but only because she was too exhausted to fight Alex yet again. 

Kara is thinking about Lena now. The poor woman can’t even stand in front of a microphone for five minutes or some explosive will go off. She wonders how Lena is doing, how Lena is coping with it all. She knows Lena is strong and won’t fall apart that easily, but she literally is not offered a single break. Either she is under tons of pressure for running a company, she is being publicly scrutinized for something her family has done or she is being attacked while holding a press conference of some sorts. And Kara honestly admires Lena for getting through all of that everytime and still have such an amazingly kind heart.

After the hour of sunbedding is up, Kara stands up and collects her things. She flies straight to L-Corp, and lands in a hidden alleyway next to the building to quickly change clothes. She knows she is about to break her own rule of not letting people get close again, but at the moment she just doesn’t care. All she cares about is making sure that Lena is doing okay with everything that happened.

She walks up to the front door of the L-Corp building. One of the guards recognises Kara immediately and opens the door for her.

‘’Good to see you again, Miss Danvers.’’ He smiles.

‘’Thank you, Frank. Is Lena busy?’’ Kara asks.

‘’Not at the moment, Miss. I think she would be happy to see you.’’

‘’Okay, great. Thanks, again!’’ Kara says as she steps inside the building.

She walks over to the elevator and pushes the button for the 17th floor. The elevator ride up is always long, but that is only because Kara can fly up the 17 stories needed in a matter of seconds. Once the ping sounds to let Kara know she has arrived at the right floor, the doors open and Kara steps outside the elevator. She greets Jess who is sitting behind her desk.

‘’Miss Danvers, Miss Luthor is available right now, but you should probably knock just to be sure. She just told me she didn’t want to be interrupted with anything that had to do with work.’’ Jess says.

‘’Well I guess I’m lucky that I don’t have anything to do with her work.’’ Kara smiles. 

Jess nods and gestures for Kara to continue walking. Kara walks up to Lena’s office and knocks on the door twice. She is replied with a muffled ‘’Come in.’’

When Kara opens the door, Lena is standing with her back turned to her behind her desk, looking out the window. For a moment Kara is afraid something is wrong, but when Lena turns around and meets Kara’s eyes, a smile appears right away.

‘’Hey! I was just about to call you.’’ Lena says while she turns around.

‘’I should have called. I heard about the attack at the unveiling.’’ Kara walks up to Lena’s desk. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wonders why Lena would have told Jess she didn’t want to be interrupted with work stuff if Lena was only just about to call Kara. Did Lena consider Kara more important than her work?

‘’Oh no, I’m fine. Supergirl got her man and now we need to discuss ours.’’  Lena looks into Kara’s eyes intently and Kara has to muster all her strength not to get distracted by the green peepers. ‘’I spoke to Edge.’’ Lena continues, not letting go of Kara’s gaze.

‘’Please tell me you convinced him not to buy CatCo.’’ Kara pleads.

‘’Well, you can’t convince a bully like that of anything.’’

‘’So, what, CatCo is gone?’’ 

‘’No..’’ Lena looks down. She hesitates, not really sure what Kara’s reaction will be to what she is about to say, and catches her breath before speaking again. ‘’I bought it.’’

Kara short circuits. Her mind goes completely blank for a moment, as she questions whether she had heard Lena right. ‘’You’re kidding.’’ She finally manages to speak out. 

Lena’s face forms a smirk as she shakes her head. 

‘’Are you kidding?’’ Kara speaks in amazement this time. 

Lena’s smirk widens. ‘’Pretty badass, right?’’ The brunette walks around her desk to stand directly opposite of the blonde. ‘’I’m just trying in my own small way to be more like Supergirl.’’

Kara is in awe. Her mouth hangs open with her jaw down as she tries to regain control of her breath. ‘’Lena!” Is all she manages to get out. She takes a step backwards and lets out an impressed laugh. She was not prepared to hear news like this. Not even close.  _ Rao, she adores this woman. _ She turns away a bit, not too much, because she doesn’t want to be too far away from Lena, but just enough so that she can catch her breath. 

‘’And I was hoping you could break the story.’’

‘’Oh, um..’’ Whatever good mood Kara was just in fades in a matter of seconds. She is reminded again of what she had told herself, what she had ordered herself to do. She was going to put all her energy into being Supergirl. She was going to focus on that. Her life as Kara Danvers was not important. But how does she explain that to Lena? How does she even begin to explain to her best friend who just bought a  _ whole fucking company  _ for her, that she doesn’t even work at that company anymore? That she doesn’t even want to put effort into that part of her life anymore?

‘’I actually quit.’’

‘’Well, then un-quit. I can’t do this without you. I literally know nothing about running a media empire.’’ 

‘’Neither do I.’’ Kara tries.

‘’You know more than I do. You studied under Cat and..’’ Lena looks at Kara with pleading eyes. The affection is almost dripping of the brunette’s face. ‘’I mean, I trust you, and.. How often do you get to work with your best friend?’’ 

Kara inhales a sharp breath. How could she ever say no to that face? How could she ever deny Lena anything when the woman was looking at her like that? That’s simple. She can’t. She could never deny Lena something, even if that meant breaking her own rules.

Their conversation and intense staring is interrupted by a man entering Lena’s office. 

‘’You’re more of a lunatic than your brother is.’’

Kara recognises Morgan Edge, and without thinking twice she steps in front of Lena and straightens her back, standing in her Supergirl posture. 

‘’Excuse me?’’

‘’I could ruin you.’’ Morgan Edge says, stepping closer to Kara and Lena.

‘’You are dangerously close to being thrown out by security.’’ Lena’s voice is daring but calm, and in that very moment, an idea strikes Kara.

‘’Yeah, you know what? I’m going to go and let you handle..’’ She gestures to Edge as if he is a pile of garbage, ‘’This.’’ With that, Kara walks towards the office door, not waiting until she is outside to take off her glasses. Once she is out of sight, she quickly runs to the nearest window and jumps out, after checking if anyone on the floor can see her. She keeps her superhearing focussed on the conversation happening in Lena’s office, so that if the situation escalates she will know immediately.

‘’You are going to regret, so regret, the day you screwed me.’’ Edge continues.

Kara arrives at the roof of the L-Corp building and quickly changes into her Supersuit, only to take off towards Lena’s office again.

‘’I sure hope you enjoyed yourself, because now you have all of my attention.’’

Lena’s heartbeat races as she speaks the next few words. 

‘’Oh Edge, like any woman who has ever had all of your attention, I couldn’t care less.’’

Kara takes that as her queue, and she gently lands on Lena’s office balcony. 

‘’Miss Luthor, you finished with him?’’ 

Lena looks over her shoulder and gives Kara a bold smile as she steps aside.

‘’He’s all yours.’’

‘’What do you think you’re going to do?’’ Edge asks. He tries to come off intimidating, but Kara can hear the panic in his voice and his heart starting to race in his chest. A smug smile spreads across the lips of the blonde.

With one movement, Kara flies forward to grab Edge and turns to fly away. The man lets out a horrified scream, which gives Kara the idea to fly even faster. She will show this man, that if he tries to mess with Lena Luthor, he will have to answer to her. Whoever tries to mess with Lena will have to answer to Supergirl.

__  
  


After Kara is done with Edge, she flies home to her apartment. On her way home she focuses her superhearing on Alex, locating her, and she finds Alex along with Maggie, James, Winn and J’onn at the alien bar. She smiles, relieved that her sister and her friends are having fun. 

Once she arrives at her apartment through her open window, she changes into some more comfortable clothes. She doesn’t put her glasses back on, because she fears she might break down and cry again. If that were to be the case, her glasses would only be in the way.

Kara makes some hot chocolate and orders a pizza to be brought to her house. Halfway through ordering the pizza, she wonders whether Lena will remember to eat dinner tonight. For a moment she considers calling Lena, but decides against it. She walks over to the couch and settles down between the pillows. She takes a sip of her hot chocolate and looks around her apartment. She spots some old boxes on top of her bookshelf, and using her X-ray vision she decides it is about time she sorts out whatever is inside them. Because they are so full of stuff Kara can’t even tell what’s inside anymore, not even with her X-ray vision.

Kara puts the mug with her hot chocolate down on the coffee table and uses her superspeed to get the boxes from her bookshelf and back to the couch. A cloud of dust rises when she opens one of the boxes, and she waves with her hand to blow the dust away. She starts to sort through all the stuff inside.

She finds a very old yearbook of her last year of high school, a photograph of her, Alex and J’onn and the book Cat Grant published when Kara was still in high school called  _ Nine Lives and Counting.  _ She smiles once she sees Cat’s book and opens it to flick through the pages, occasionally stopping to read a few passages. She misses Cat and all her amazing life lessons and advice. What would Cat say to her if she found out Kara had quit her job at CatCo? What would Cat tell her that would undoubtedly convince her to take back her job? For a moment, again, Kara considers calling Lena to let the brunette persuade her of taking her job back. But reminds herself of the rules she had set for herself instead.

She finds another old photograph of Eliza and Jeremiah. She finds several other books which used to be her favorites while growing up, and she finds a Comic book about Superman with a note from Kal-El inside.

As Kara looks through more stuff inside the box, she comes to the conclusion that the entire box is filled with stuff she holds close to her heart. Stuff that had made her life here on earth just a little more bearable: photographs of her and Alex, of the Danvers family, and of her together with James and Winn. Books she used to read a thousand times, just because the stories felt so relatable to her or would inspire her. Presents Kal-El had sent her for christmas. 

Suddenly Kara spots her very first reporter pad that she had bought on her first day on the job. She picks it up and smiles at it nostalgically. She opens it, wanting to flick through the pages, but freezes when she sees what is inside.

Inside, on the very first page, Kara finds a piece of paper from a photo booth with four pictures of her and Mon-El on it. She takes out the piece of photo paper and puts the reporter pad back in the box. Looking at the pictures, she recalls the moment in which they were taken. She strikes her thumb over Mon-El’s face.  _ If only she knew what happened to him. _

Kara feels that hollow feeling come back to her. She wants to lay down on the couch and just stare at these pictures, pretending she is living in that moment again. In a moment where there is no pain. Her head starts spinning and she wants to let herself fall into the  trail of negative thoughts that come to her in that moment. She really  _ is  _ broken. 

 

Her eyes fall closed. Mon-El talks to her in her head.  _ Don’t be foolish, _ He says.  _ Don’t forget to live. Wake up, Kara.  _ His voice sounds so real.  _ The world needs  _ you. _ Wake up.  _

‘’Wake up.’’ Kara whispers to herself.

She opens her eyes. Mon-El was right. The world needs her. Not Supergirl, but Kara. She can’t just stop being Kara Danvers. Too many people still need that girl. Even though she is broken, she can’t just turn her back on those who need her and those she promised to protect. She may not want to be Kara Danvers, but the world wants her to be. Lena wants her to be. Lena  _ needs  _ her to be.

With that, Kara has made up her mind. She grabs her phone and sends a message to the brunette.

**Kara:** See ya tomorrow, boss

Within a minute, Lena replies. Kara opens her phone and sees the heart emoji that Lena has sent her. She focuses her superhearing on the heartbeat of the brunette on the other side of the city, and finds Lena is still working at her desk, but she is at peace. And that is all Kara needs to know to smile.

With that, Kara puts her phone down and stands up, leaving everything as it is. She walks to the bathroom to take a quick shower and put on some more presentable clothes. Within 30 seconds she is done, and she puts on her glasses on her way to the door. She grabs her jacket and purse and opens the door to set off toward the alien bar in which she knows Alex and her friends are. 

When she arrives, she walks in on her sister and her friends having the best time of their lives. Laughing, joking and obviously drinking. Kara smiles at the sight of them. She walks toward the table where her friends are sitting. When Alex notices Kara, an obvious sigh of relief escapes from her sister’s mouth. Alex smiles and pulls Kara in a hug, and Kara let’s herself drown in Alex’s arms for a moment.

‘’I’m glad you came.’’  Alex whispers just loud enough so that Kara will pick it up, but no one else can hear it. Kara squeezes Alex’s hand when they both pull away from the hug and manages a smile.

‘’I’m sorry I blew you off before. You know I’m always here for you.’’ Kara whispers back, ‘’Even though I may not want to be Kara Danvers, if you need me I’m here.’’

Alex nods and lets out another relieved sigh, ‘’Thank you.’’

Winn hands Kara a drink, and Kara lets herself be carried away in the joyful atmosphere that hangs in the alien bar. She looks at each person sitting at their table, and reminds herself how lucky she is to have them all in her life. And so she mixes in the conversation, smiles and jokes along with her friends. She may not be happy, but at least she can pretend.

* * *

 


	2. If you want to break these walls down, you're going to get bruised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is excited for her first day at CatCo, which doesn't go down the way Lena had hoped at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there are a lot of rewritten scenes in this second chapter again, but also some more scenes of my own. 
> 
> The chapter title is taken from Halsey's song Castle.
> 
> I promise I will use more of my own scenes in the coming chapters, but I needed to rewrite these scenes because the story that I have in my head very much resembles the canon storyline of Kara and Lena, except for the fact that I won't queer bait y'all. 
> 
> I struggled with rewriting some scenes because there were a lot of emotions going on at the same time, especially with the scene of Kara having a panic attack in the elevator. I have never had a panic attack that was as bad as Kara's was, and so I am not sure if I described it correctly.
> 
> Please don't forget your comments, feedback and kudos is very much appreciated! :)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well!

**Chapter 2.**

Lena wakes up with a smile on her face. She knew in the instant that she woke up,that nothing could ruin her mood for today. Or  _ almost  _ nothing.

 

Lena thinks back to the day before. She had bought CatCo. She had actually bought CatCo. She had showed that son of a bitch Morgan Edge not to mess with her, and she had bought CatCo Worldwide Media. And Kara had un-quit her job to work with Lena. To work for Lena. Lena was Kara’s boss now, just as Kara had called her in the text message she had sent yesterday.  _ Kara had called Lena ‘boss’.  _ Lena’s face formed a smirk. This was going to be the best investment she has made in her life.

 

She couldn’t wait to work alongside Kara. She couldn’t wait to be around Kara all the time, to be in the same building as her everyday, to see her everyday. Lena could already imagine Kara checking up on her everyday at dinner time,  like the sweet and caring person Kara was. To make sure Lena would eat, just because she could do so very easily now. Lena feels a warmth spread through her whole body at the thought of all this.

 

Lena moves from underneath the blankets and sits on the edge of her bed. She had her hair tied up in a bun for the night, and so she lets her hair down now. She sits on the edge of her bed for a moment, smiling to herself. She can’t remember the last time she was so excited for a work day to start.

 

After a few moments of uncontrolled smiling, she finally gets up and walks towards her bathroom. She takes a quick shower and puts on a bathrobe. When she is done, she checks the time. It’s 6:30 am, which means she still has an hour and a half to get to CatCo. She is too lazy to put on slippers, so she walks over to her kitchen bare feet. Because she still has enough time to get ready, she decides to make Kara proud and eat a decent breakfast for once. She opens her fridge and takes out the eggs, milk and some grated parmesan cheese in order to make an omelet. 

 

Lena breaks two eggs and pours some milk into a bowl. When she is sure she has mixed the eggs and the milk well enough, she adds some of the parmesan cheese to the mixture in the bowl. She puts a pan on the stove and lets it heat up for a while. After half a minute, she pours the mixture for the omelet into the pan. 

 

She walks back to her bedroom and takes her phone from her nightstand. She has a lot of unread emails, but she is not in the mood to check them right now. What, or who, she is in the mood for, however, is Kara. She opens her chat with Kara and sends the blonde a text.

 

**Lena:** Will be at CatCo today at 8am. Hope to see you there!

She locks her screen and walks back to the kitchen to see her omelet is almost done. She takes a spatula out of one of drawers that contains the cutlery, and folds the omelet over. She waits a few more minutes and then decides the omelet is ready. She puts it on a plate, fills a glass with water and takes a seat at the kitchen island. 

Lena eats in silence for a while, letting her thoughts carry her away. 

She wondered what it would be like to be privileged enough to see Kara everyday. What it would be like to finally see how hard the blonde actually works. To be able to see how her face probably forms a crinkle whenever she is writing an article and can’t find the right words to express the ideas in her head. To see the blonde do the job she is so passionate about. 

She wonders what it would be like to finally have someone around her everyday from whom she knows that they care for her. From whom she doesn’t have to doubt their actions and look for clues of deception. She wonders what it will be like to have somebody around her everyday who supports her fully, and not just anybody, she wonders what it will be like to just have Kara in her life everyday.

Kara, who has proven on several occasions that she is not afraid to stand up for Lena. Who has promised to always protect Lena and has proven on several occasions that she is not afraid to fight for Lena.

Kara, who Lena loves so deeply and who obviously cares for Lena as well. _ Maybe, just maybe.. Maybe this will make them grow even closer together.. _

She snaps herself out of this train of thought, knowing how dangerous it can be to let herself feel these things. Knowing it is dangerous to allow herself even the slightest amount of hope. Knowing how inappropriate these feelings are. Kara is her best friend. She will never be able to return these feelings to Lena, and so it is best to minimize the damage before Lena ends up completely heartbroken. And Kara deserves a friend who doesn’t look at her longingly whenever she enters the room. So Lena pushes these feelings down.

One thing, though, that was still eating in the back of Lena’s mind, was the fact that Kara had told her that she couldn’t come to the unveiling of the Supergirl statue due to work, but not a day later Kara says she has quit her job. It didn’t make sense to Lena. It didn’t even make sense to her that Kara would even quit her job when she was obviously so passionate about it in the first place. That was something Lena would have to ask Kara about sometime.

Lena’s thoughts are interrupted when her phone screen lights up to show Kara’s name. 

**Kara:** I’ll be there!

Lena smiles. She really is incapable of her excitement. She checks the time: 7:01 am. One hour to go!

**Lena:** Can’t wait!

Kara replies within a minute. 

**Kara:** Just a tip: in all your excitement, don’t spill your coffee on somebody. or your lunch. or just anything. 

**Kara:** Don’t spill anything on anybody on your first day here cause people can be ruthless and remind you everyday for the rest of the time that you work here. (yeah I did that)

Lena laughs at the words this adorable woman sends to her. Of course Kara would spill her coffee or her lunch over somebody on her first day at CatCo. Lena could picture it clearly in her head.

**Lena:** You’re such a dork

She adds a heart at the end of the sentence and sends it to Kara. Another reply comes her way within a minute or two.

**Kara:** Not to worry, though. I will be your good omen for today.

Lena feels her heart skip a beat. Sometimes she wonders if Kara is secretly trying to kill her. 

**Lena:** You are always my good omen. 

Kara replies with a blushing emoji. Lena can’t help but imitate the emoji’s face. When she checks the time, though, she sees it is time for her to get dressed or else she will be late. 

**Lena:** See you in 45 mins, Kara.

**Kara:** Make that 40!

 

Lena chuckles as she puts her phone down. She quickly finishes eating her breakfast and then makes her way towards her bedroom again to get dressed, leaving the dishes on the kitchen island to clean for another time.

Once she has picked out what to wear, a black with white blouse and a tight black skirt, she does her hair and make-up. She decides to wear her favorite red lipstick, knowing this never fails to give her an intimidating appearance. She does not want to scare off her new employees, but she has learned through hard experience that it is best to let her presence be well known and remembered by everyone that works for her in order for them to respect her.

When it is 7:45 am, Lena is closing the door to her apartment. She walks towards the black car that is waiting for her and gets in the backseat.

“Goodmorning, Frank.’’ She smiles.

“A very good morning, miss Luthor. Straight to CatCo I’ve heard?’’

“That’s right, Frank.’’

Frank starts the car and starts driving towards the tall building that used to belong to Cat Grant, but now belongs to Lena.

“Are you excited? We’ve all placed a bet on what you would be more excited about, taking over a new company or getting to work alongside miss Danvers.’’ Frank teases Lena. But Lena can handle it. She is aware that almost all her employees know she is incredibly fond of Kara. It’s not like she ever made a secret out of it.

“Well, yes, I am very excited. And honestly, I wouldn’t be able to pick a favorite. CatCo is going to be an amazing investment and Kara is going to be a great employee.’’ Lena laughs. 

Frank smiles and nods. He takes a few turns and before Lena even knows it, they have arrived at CatCo. 

Lena thanks Frank and gets out of the car. She spots a few paparazzi, probably trying to take a shot of her entering CatCo on her first day as owner of the company. Lena pays no attention to them and enters the building. Once she is inside, one of the guards steps towards her and gives her instruction as to how to get to the floor where almost everyone works at CatCo. She is led towards an elevator that looks extremely clean, and Lena wonders how little this elevator must have been used. 

At exactly 8:00 am, the elevator opens and Lena steps out. She looks around the floor anxious but excited at the same time, looking for Kara. Suddenly another blonde woman steps toward her.

“Miss Luthor! It’s so nice to see you. ’’ The woman could honestly be a doppelganger of Kara. Not in how she looks exactly, but in how she dresses and how she seems to resemble Kara’s bubbly atmosphere. Still, she could never compare to Kara. No one could.

 

Lena recognises her, though, from previous visits to CatCo.

“Eve Teschmacher, right?’’ Lena says, hoping she got her name right.

A thrilled giggle escapes from the woman’s mouth. Lena assumes this means she guessed the name correctly. 

“Sorry, I’m a huge admirer of yours.’’

Lena feels her heart fill with gratitude. “Thank you, Eve.’’ She says through a smile.

“Oh, can I get you a coffee? You take it black, right?’’ Eve walks around her desk to stand directly opposite of Lena. “I, -I’m not stalking you. I e-mailed your assistant at L-Corp about all your favorite things.’’

“Oh.’’ Lena is a bit taken aback at first, but quickly decides this is a pleasant surprise.

“I hate Salmon, too.’’ Eve jokes. Lena lets out a laugh and forces herself to relax. She is not used to people being nice to her on her first day of working at a new company, and so the excitement starts really taking over.

“Well, thank you. Yes, a coffee would be lovely.’’ Lena says gratefully. 

“Great!’’ The blonde assistant starts to hurry off towards the other side of the room. Lena reckons to head to the other elevator and this leaves Lena confused.

“Um, Eve? Why don’t you just use this elevator? It goes straight to the ground floor.’’

“Oh no. Only the boss can use it.’’ Eve explains.

Lena can’t help but laugh at this. She has never made an issue of her employees and her using the same elevator, and she will not do so now.

“That’s just silly, anybody who needs it should be able to use it.’’

An obvious rush of excitement spreads over Eve’s face. 

“Alright!’’ She says, and Eve sets off towards the elevator. Lena can’t help but smile while watching Eve carefully push the elevator button, as if afraid to break or smudge it.

“Miss Luthor!’’

Lena turns around and sees another familiar face walking towards her. She recognises him as one of Kara’s friends, Jimmy Olsen.

“I didn’t know you would be here this morning.’’ The muscular man says.

“Yeah, I was able to get things in line over at L-Corp.’’ She says as they exchange a firm handshake. 

“That’s good. I know I want to say thanks again for saving CatCo. And we should really figure out a way to get you up to speed on what’s happening here. I was thinking weekly meetings or-’’

“Oh no, there’s no need. I’ll be here everyday.’’ Lena cuts him off. She walks past him into what she knows to be the boss’s office.

“Eh.. e, -everyday?’’ James follows her into his own office, taken aback by Lena’s strong presence and idea to be at CatCo everyday from now on.

“Yeah, I’ve set things up at L-Corp so I’ll be able to dedicate my energies to learning the ins and outs of how things work at CatCo.’’ Lena takes an enthusiastic sigh. She honestly can’t wait to start working here alongside Kara. 

Lena hears James clear his throat behind her. 

“Okay..’’ He mumbles more to himself than to Lena. 

Lena turns around and catches James trying to regain his posture.

“You seem surprised by this..’’ She says.

“Uhm, well. Yeah.’’ He hesitates at first but gives in and nods.

Lena stares at him for a couple of moments, debating whether or not to say something. She is saved by two quick paced feet walking into the office that can only be from one person.

“Lena!’’ Kara comes walking up to the two of them with a big smile on her face. Her eyes radiate softness and affection and Lena feels her stomach swirl at the sight of the blonde. 

“Welcome to CatCo!’’

Kara hands Lena a present and Lena can’t help but let out a giggle.

“You didn’t have to do that!’’ She says while watching Kara’s cheeks grow red.

“It’s a Danvers family tradition. On the first day of School, you get a.. -a planner.’’ The blonde smiles shyly. She is blushing and Lena can’t imagine a more beautiful sight.

“Well, it’s lovely. In the Luthor house on the first day, we’d hire a private investigator to make sure our teachers credentials are up-to-date.’’ Lena jokes.

Kara lets out a flustered laugh, and the sound warms Lena’s heart. The blonde looks down at the ground and when she looks up, her face still in a wide smile, Kara and Lena’s eyes meet briefly. James unfortunately interrupts their eye contact.

“So, Kara, you knew that miss Luthor would be here today?’’

“Yeah, she texted me this morning.’’ The smile fades from Kara’s face. Lena has to admit the blonde looks kind of busted. 

“I should have communicated more clearly, Mr. Olsen, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.’’

Kara looks confused as she moves her eyes from Lena to James and back. 

“Oh no, it’s no problem. I just feel bad because we just were not ready for a change in management. We don’t even have an office for you.’’

“That’s fine, I won’t be needing an office.’’ Lena starts to walk around the office, all but too aware of Kara’s eyes following her every move. 

“It’s this new trend in CEO’s. We like to roam free, ask questions and hear unfiltered conversations. That way we can understand how things are working. It’s much easier if you don’t have a desk.’’

Kara’s phone goes off and the blonde hastily looks in her bag to find it. 

“Kara, do you think you could maybe get me the dossier on the Edge investigation, please?’’ Lena looks at Kara, trying to get the blonde’s attention but Kara is too caught up in whatever message she just received on her phone.

“Uh, there’s actually something I..’’ Kara looks up from her phone and meets Lena’s eyes. She seems to hesitate for a second. ‘’-I have to deal with. Can I get it for you later? Is that okay?’’ 

The blonde almost looks guilty and Lena can’t bring herself to say anything else but

“Sure, yeah.’’

“Sorry.’’ Kara says. Her face hardens and she rushes past Lena out of the office. Lena looks after her friend and watches Kara walk quickly towards the elevator on the other side of the room. James interrupts by clearing his throat again.

“Uhm, miss Luthor, I’d be happy to have someone else do that for you.’’

“No, it’s fine. I can get it.’’ Lena says immediately. She prefers not to be assisted by males in charge on her first day. Out of experience she has learned that if you let a man help you on your first day of work, they will presume from that point on that you need their help with everything. And she was not about to let that happen here.

Lena walked out of the office in search for any indication as to where the dossiers could be stored. She looked around a little bit uncertain at first, thinking to herself she could have just asked James the whereabouts of the dossiers. But it would look stupid to walk back into his office now and ask him this question. She stood in her place for a second, scanning the room.

Luckily, within a minute she spotts Eve walking towards her with a coffee in her hand. 

“Here you go, Miss Luthor. Your coffee!’’ Eve almost tiptoes her last few steps towards Lena as to reach her faster.

“Thank you, Eve.’’

“No problem at all! Thank you for letting me use the boss’s elevator by the way. It goes a lot faster to get from this floor to the ground floor like that.’’ 

“Absolutely, you can use it whenever you like.’’ Lena smiles at Eve, taking the coffee from the assistant’s hands.

Eve lets out another thrilled giggle. She seemed more excited than Lena was for her first day of work here, and Lena didn’t think that was even possible. 

Lena’s excitement had toned down a bit. After watching Kara’s expression change from her normal, loving way to that hardened mask again and her rushing out on Lena like that, Lena wasn’t so sure anymore that this would bring her only merry times together with Kara. That reminds her of the job she initially had given Kara to do.

“Uhm, Eve? Do you think you could help me with something?’’

“Yeah, anything. I’d be happy to help.’’ Eve looks ecstatic. Lena can’t suppress a grin.

“Could you point me in the directions of the dossiers? I am curious about the dossier CatCo has set up on the Morgan Edge investigation.’’ Lena says as she takes a sip from her coffee, savouring the amazing taste in her mouth. Coffee really is one of the world’s miracles.

“Yes! If you would follow me, I will lead you to the storage rooms. We keep everything there, dossiers, files, articles that didn’t make the cut for each magazine edition and so on.’’ Eve starts walking through the room filled with people working. Lena follows, looking at every desk they pass, wondering what exactly it is that all these people are working on.

Eve walks determined, obviously knowing exactly which way to go. She doesn’t hesitate for a single moment, whereas Lena has trouble keeping up behind her without bumping into people walking past them. 

After they have crossed the crowded room, Eve turns into a hallway that has office doors on both sides every few metres. 

“This is where the art department works. They design the whole magazine, inside out.’’ Eve talks over her shoulder without losing speed.

“They all demanded a private office when Cat Grant still worked here, claiming that the silence would boost their creativity.’’

Lena nods, looking at every door they pass. She reads the name tags that are placed in the middle of each door, trying to remember them. 

At the end of the hallway, Eve turns right. The hallway they are now walking down leads to a dead end. They are faced with three closed doors, one on their left, one straight ahead and one on their right. 

“This is our storage room.’’ Eve says as she points to the door on the right. She opens the door and leads Lena in. The room is packed with boxes, shelves and an old sofa, which is also stacked with boxes. 

“The files on the Edge investigation should be in one of those drawers.’’ Eve says pointing at the shelve covered with the least dust. 

“Thank you, Eve.’’ Lena says walking towards the shelves. She opens the top drawer and can’t believe her luck. She immediately spots the dossier on Edge and takes it out.

She turns around, smiling at Eve.

“Got it!’’

“Great!’’ Eve says delighted. They both walk out of the room again, and Eve closes the door behind them.

“Uhm, Eve. What are these other rooms for?’’ Lena asks pointing at the two other doors.

‘’Oh, well, this door used to lead to an office from somebody but I heard after the man who worked there died at his desk from a heart attack nobody wanted it. Until, like, two years ago when suddenly James, Winn and Kara spent a lot of time there.’’ Eve says, pointing to the door straight ahead.

“That’s interesting. What were they doing there?’’ Lena asks. She can’t hide her curiosity.

“No one knows. You are friends with Kara, right?’’ 

“Yes, we are.. Friends.’’ Lena says after hesitating for a moment.

“And what about this room?’’ She asks, pointing to the door on their left.

“Uhm, well..’’ Eve’s cheeks suddenly turn suspiciously red. The woman in front of Lena seems to do everything in her might to avoid eye contact.

“Accidents happen there.’’ She says, and with that she paces hastily away towards the big working room again.

Lena is caught off guard at first but quickly regains control of herself and follows behind Eve.

“What do you mean ‘accidents happen there’?’’

Eve seems to be blushing. She lets out a nervous, flustered laugh.

“Uhm, well, you know. Accidents. Every workplace has them. People get distracted and.. You know.. Stuff happens.’’

Lena’s jaw drops. 

“Oh my God, Eve! Have you ever had an accident happen there?’’ Lena asks, raising her right eyebrow suggestively.

“I might have slipped once.’’ Eve tries with all her might to keep looking in front of her and not at Lena, not losing any speed as she tries to get as far away from the room in question as fast as possible.

Lena let’s out a faked scandalous gasp.

“Shut up! Has Kara ever..?’’ Lena trails off. Somewhere she knows it is not appropriate for her to ask this stuff about Kara. But she can’t help herself.

“No, Kara is not like that. She would never. She was the one who busted me, actually. And she seemed as shocked as a ten year old who heard the word vagina for the first time. But I do wonder what she does in that office with James and Winn. Because rumour has it that she has had a fling with both of them. Especially James. She used to be head over heels for him when he just started working here.’’

Lena needs a moment to process that information. Kara and James? It hurts her heart to just imagine the two of them together.  Lena stops in her tracks and watches Eve walk along. She hates herself for what she is about to do, but she honestly can’t stop her curiosity.

She turns around and walks back towards the storage room, but instead of opening the storage room she slowly walks towards the office door straight ahead, in which she now knows Kara has spent a lot of time with her friends James and Winn. 

She opens the door and looks around the room. She spots another old sofa underneath a window, some very advanced computers, a whiteboard and another stack of boxes. She wonders what the hell those three would be doing in here. 

Intrigued by the multiple computer screens that stand on top of a desk, Lena walks closer. These computers are so advanced that if the right person was sitting behind them, they could easily hack into the police data or something like that. 

Lena wants to explore the room further but disciplines herself to not act upon this Luthor side of hers that is clearly making its way to the surface at the moment. She straightens her back, turns around and walks out of the room. She closes the door behind her and walks away from it, trying to push it out of her mind. When she passes the storage room, James Olsen suddenly comes walking down the hallway towards her looking rather angry. His face has a very cold look and his fists seem to be clenched, flexing his arm muscles to make him look all the more intimidating.

 

“Miss Luthor.’’ He says with a polite nod of his head, “Glad you were able to find the storage room.’’

“Thank you, Mr. Olsen.’’ Lena says as he walks past her. She looks over her shoulder to see where James is going, and to her pleasant surprise, her walks into the room she just came out of. The room straight ahead at the end of the hallway.

He closes the door behind him, and Lena can even swear she hears the sound of a lock. She knows she should move, she knows she should walk away. But her feet are nailed to the ground as she keeps looking over her shoulder towards the closed door.

Suddenly she hears the muffled sound of James’ voice.

“What the hell is going on, Kara.’’

_ Kara? When did Kara get in there? _

“This better be important, James, cause I have work to do.’’

It really was Kara. Lena couldn’t help herself turning around and edging closer towards the door to hear Kara and James more clearly. 

“Oh, now you actually have got work to do. You were ready to quit your job two days ago.’’ James says scoffing.

“Two days ago, I didn’t want CatCo to be a part of my life anymore. That was before all of this happened.’’ Kara sounded irated and Lena had never heard the blonde put on such a tone.

“What, Edge buying CatCo and then Lena buying it for you? You know, Lena is not the only one who has sacrificed things for you, Kara. We all have. Alex, Winn, me. We have all made sacrifices like that for you so don’t come to me with this crap that you only took your job back because you felt guilty for Lena.’’ 

“That is not even why I took my job back!’’

“-Okay, then what is?’’ James cuts Kara off and Lena can practically hear the blonde trying to restrain herself even though there is a wall between them.

“What is the reason that you took your job back, Kara? Did you not want to work with  _ me  _ anymore?’’

“No, James. You know that has nothing to do with it.’’ 

“Then explain it to me, because I have been here for you for two years. I have looked out for you and helped you become who you are now. What has Lena done? As far as I can remember she only ever called you whenever  _ she _ was in trouble.’’

“It is not like that at all!’’ Kara sounds angry. Scary almost. James must have hit a sensitive spot.

“She has been there for me in more ways than you can imagine. She may not know it, and you may not have noticed, but every moment I spent with her I felt a little less alone.’’

Lena feels her heart fill with warmth. 

“But you are not alone, Kara. We are all here for you, okay? But if you keep shutting us out, it is going to get very lonely.’’

A silence follows from the other end of the door. 

“I just don’t get it. Why will you let  _ her _ in but not us?’’

“If you really hate her that much maybe  _ you _ should be the one who starts looking for a different job.’’ Kara sounds so harsh, so unlike herself. The warmth that filled Lena just a few seconds ago is now fading rapidly. She doesn’t recognise this version of Kara.

“Kara, I didn’t mean it like that.’’ James says with an apologizing tone.

“Then how do you mean it?’’ 

“I just.. I miss you. And call me selfish, but maybe I just miss the times when you would talk to me about the stuff that is bothering you.’’ His voice sounds a lot softer now. 

‘’Why won’t you talk to me about Mon-El? Or to Alex or Winn, even?’’

Another silence follows and Lena imagines Kara taking a deep breath.

“Because Mon-El is not here anymore. He is gone. And so there is nothing to talk about.’’

With that Kara seems to have called the conversation to an end. Lena hears footsteps coming towards the door and she jumps aside in order to hide behind the open door, praying that the two of them won’t close it behind them.

The door swings open and a frustrated Kara walks out into the hallway. Kara doesn’t look around her but instead paces angrily away from Lena and the office in which James is still standing. Lena hears James sigh deeply before he follows in Kara’s path, leaving the door to the office open. 

It is only then that Lena realises she has been holding her breath for at least a minute, and she exhales dramatically as she closes the office door and decides it is best to get out of here as soon as possible.

Lena felt sorry for James, but she couldn’t help but smile every time she replayed Kara’s words in her head. 

_ Every moment I spent with her I felt a little less alone.  _

The words echo through Lena’s head. If she could, she would spend every moment of the day with the blonde from now on, simply because now she knew Kara felt less alone when she was with her.

Though the thought of this warms Lena’s heart, she still feels like a teenager who has been stalking her crush, which makes Lena feels a little guilty for having eavesdropped on a conversation like that, and so she forces herself not to think about it. She walks back into the big working room and focuses her mind on the dossier about Edge in her hands.

  
  


A little while later, Lena decides together with Eve’s help that it might be smart to call a meeting for every department so that Lena can get to know everyone and let everyone know she is not planning on changing the company’s direction in any way.

Eve helps her set up the meetings and schedule them in such a way that it is most efficient for every department. The first meeting they schedule is the meeting for the news department. Kara’s department.

Lena and Eve send out a quick email to everybody who works in the news department and schedule the meeting in thirty minutes from now. They do the same for every other department. 

Lena feels good about it all, and Eve’s enthusiasm to help her with everything is only boosting her good mood. 

She sends Kara an extra text, telling her about the meeting for the news department. Kara doesn’t answer, so Lena assumes Kara is busy looking for sources for her next article. 

When Kara doesn’t show up at the beginning of the news department meeting, however, Lena begins to worry.  _ Was Kara okay? Had she said or done something to upset Kara? Was Kara still upset about the fight with James?  _

Lena tells herself Kara must just be running late due to work stuff, and so she starts the meeting. 

The meeting goes pretty good. Everybody is very thankful to Lena for having saved CatCo from Morgan Edge, and Lena is pretty sure she has almost everybody’s full support. Some even came to her joking about how they never thought they would look up to a Luthor. Others told her Kara had given her a good name within the CatCo company already by basically using propaganda about every good thing Lena had ever done and repeating it hundreds of times so that nobody could forget. But that they now had gotten the confirmation for themselves that Lena really was nothing like her family.

It makes Lena feel so good to hear everybody exclaim their support for her.

The meeting comes to an end after fifteen minutes and Lena notices Kara is still not here. She walks out into the big working room and scans the room. No Kara.

She walks towards the main elevator, hoping to catch someone who can tell her where Kara is, when she spots Kara together with James, some unresolved tension hanging in the air between the two of them.

She walks towards her blonde friend.

“Kara! There you are.’’ Lena smiles.

“I’m sorry, I tried to make it work but it’s..’’ Kara trails off and James takes this as an opportunity to interrupt.

“It was a good meeting? Was it good?’’ There is sarcasm in his voice which Lena decides to ignore.

“Yeah, I was just going around to all the departments, giving them a little pep talk. Kara, I really missed you there.’’ 

Kara’s eyes seem to light up for a second before her phone suddenly goes off again.

“Shoot..’’ Kara fumbles in her bag in search for her phone, guiltily avoiding Lena’s eyes. When she finally finds her phone she glances at the screen and immediately makes to leave again. “I’m sorry, I have to take this..’’ 

Kara doesn’t even look up. She doesn’t even bother to look at Lena anymore. Lena watches the blonde walk away once again and feels a sting in her chest.

“Where is she going?’’ Lena can’t stop herself. She is honestly starting to worry about Kara.

“She is a reporter. She’s doing her job.’’ The hardness in James’ voice takes Lena by surprise.

“Now, did you think that I didn’t want to be there? Is that why you didn’t tell me?’’

Lena recognises this tone from James by the way she heard him speak to Kara earlier today. And she didn’t like it. She couldn’t quite grasp what it was that had made the blonde fall for this guy once.

“Well, to be honest, I thought you would be too busy to act as my chaperone.’’

“I don’t want to chaperone you. I don’t consider myself a chaperone. I consider myself the person who’s been running this company for a year.’’

A smirk spreads across Lena’s face. She was getting under this man’s skin and she loved it. It must be her Luthor genes, but whenever Lena was getting under the skin of a confident man, she felt extremely powerful and badass.

“Alright, Mr. Olsen. I have a meeting with the advertising department in twenty minutes. I’ll see you there.’’

“See you in nineteen.’’

“Twenty will be fine.’’ Lena says with a daring look in her eyes, and with that she strides past him in the direction Kara had just ran off. As she walks away, she swears she could hear James Olsen let out a deep breath as if to calm himself down. Oh does Lena love the effect she can have on people by just standing her ground and not taking anyone’s bullshit.

 

                                                                                                                             ~

 

Kara is rushing back into the CatCo building. She just had a fight with a new villain in town named Psi, and she felt absolutely horrible. She tries to zigzag her way through all the people that are walking in and out of CatCo Worldwide media, and concludes that it is an impossible job to get in or out of this building without bumping into at least three people. 

She makes her way to the elevator and stands inside. As she waits for the doors to close, she takes her phone out of her purse to check if she has any messages. She takes a deep breath as she sees she has two new texts from Lena and one from Alex. She opens Alex’ message first, afraid of what will be in Lena’s text message.

**Alex:** Please be careful out there.

Kara smiles. Alex will always keep looking out for her. Kara goes on to open Lena’s texts messages and feels her heart sink.

**Lena:** Where r u?

**Lena:** Can I speak to you about the article on Edge?

It hurts. It hurts so much to read these words. Kara knows how excited Lena is for this job. Kara knows how excited Lena is for them to work together. Kara knows she is as excited as a nine year old kid on their first day of school today. And Kara is ruining it. Kara is ruining the whole day for Lena by acting weird and disappearing and being distant. But she is not used to having Lena around this much. She is not used to not having an excuse to run off to whenever she has to be Supergirl. She used to just be able to say she had some work left undone, but now that Lena is her boss and knows exactly what Kara does at her work, she can’t use that as an excuse anymore. And Kara hates it. Kara hates all the lying.

But she has to do this. She can keep being Kara Danvers for Lena if Lena needs her to be, but she can’t let Lena in any further. And so she will have to come up with a new excuse pretty quickly in case of a Supergirl emergency. She has to stay strong and keep Lena out.

Just like she had to keep James out this morning. And with James it seemed to be surprisingly easy to not let him in anymore, because he was really getting on Kara’s nerves. He was acting so jealous this morning, it was starting to become annoying. 

Kara had been over James for at least a year now. Maybe longer. She still loved spending time with him. She was very glad they were still friends. But whenever he got jealous or tried to shame Lena, Kara couldn’t stand him. Just like that time he had tried to convince Kara that Lena was bad news. That Lena was a member of Cadmus. He had tried to make her believe that there was no such thing as a good Luthor. Kara remembers that so well. She had hated him at that moment, because she knew _for_ _sure_ that Lena was nothing like her mother. She couldn’t be.

When the elevator doors finally open at the right floor, Kara quickly steps out and rushes through the big working room towards her desk, almost bumping into somebody again.

She doesn’t even have time to quietly sit for a few minutes and prepare herself for what she is going to say to Lena, because Lena immediately comes walking up to her as she sits down.

“Kara, I was looking for you.’’

“Yeah, I know. I got your message. What’s up?’’ Kara tries to come off cheery. She tries not to let Lena know she was feeling absolutely terrible. She tries not to give up any such an indication.

“My contact with Morgan Edge’s bank just came through. I would like you to go interview him.’’

Kara quickly takes out her reporter pad and scribbles down the order Lena gives her so that she won’t forget to do that straight after she has caught Psi, turning in her chair to write it down so that her back is toward the brunette.

“I can, but there’s something I have to do first.’’ She replies distracted as she focuses on her writing.

“Okay. Is it other work stuff?’’ Lena asks a bit unsure.

“Yeah.’’ Kara replies out of habit. As she realises what she has said, she stares blankly at the piece of paper in front of her. She knew instantly that she fucked up. Why is it so hard for her to stand her ground around Lena?  _ Why does Lena always catch her off guard? _ She hears Lena catch her breath and notices how the heartbeat of the brunette seems to be going up. After a few moments, she feels Lena sit down on the side of her desk.

“Kara, I think I know what’s going on.’’

Kara stiffens. She looks over her shoulder to see Lena staring at her intently. And Kara can’t lie, Lena looks breathtaking in that moment.

“What do you mean?’’ She manages to get out. She can’t seem to breathe and feels her own heart pounding in her chest, while hearing Lena’s heartbeat race in her ears.

“You rushing in and out of the office, not focused on work.’’ Lena holds Kara’s gaze and Kara forces herself not to look away so that she won’t look guilty.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.’’ Is all Kara manages to say. If she plays it cool, if she just denies it then maybe Lena will let it go. But Lena isn’t buying Kara’s act.

“I grew up in a house with the most deceptive people in the world. I can tell when someone’s lying to me. You don’t have to hide from me, Kara.’’

Lena stops, giving Kara the time to react if she wants to. Kara instinctively reaches her hand to readjust her glasses as she feels an enormous sense of guilt spread through her entire body. Lena seems to have seen a flash of the guilt in Kara’s eyes because her face is dripping with affection and softness, obviously trying to make Kara feel comfortable.

“I..’’ Kara exhales a deep breath which she had been holding in the entire time since Lena had sat down on the edge of her desk together with a nervous laugh. She can’t find any words. The only words that come to her mind are Kryptonian, every English word seems to have faded from her vocabulary. She stares at Lena’s eyes for a moment.  _ Remind her again why she was shutting this amazing woman out? _

Suddenly Lena speaks the exact words Kara wants to hear, but doesn’t want to hear. The words that remind her of why she was shutting Lena out. Why she was shutting everybody out.

“It’s about Mon-El, isn’t it?’’ The caring look in Lena’s eyes and the softness in Lena’s voice makes Kara want to break down and cry. She inhales a deep breath, trying to calm herself, and looks away, unable to look Lena in the eyes any longer. She turns around in her chair so that her back is turned towards the brunette again and tries to distract herself by scribbling some more things she has to do down on her reporter pad, in Kryptonian because English still seems like a foreign concept.

“So if you need to take more time, just take it.’’ Lena goes on, keeping her voice in that everlasting soft tone which seems to be reserved only for Kara.

“I appreciate it, Lena, but that is not what’s going on with me.’’ Kara finally manages to get out. The English language had come back to her.

“Okay. Then what is? You can tell me, you know?’’ 

Kara snaps. She hates herself for doing this. She really hates herself. But she has to. She can’t let Lena in any further. She drops her pen and stands up to face Lena, forcing herself not to feel any emotion.

“It’s personal. And I don’t want to talk about personal things at my job, I have work to do.’’ She uses her Supergirl voice to come off more intimidating, hoping Lena will finally drop all this. Kara sees hurt flash in Lena’s green eyes, and a huge lump starts to form in her throat. She watches how Lena’s expression hardens in a way that she has never seen before.

“Okay.’’ Lena says in a cold voice as she stands up. The two women now stand directly opposite of each other, only half a metre between them. But that small space between them is filled with so much tension. Filled with so many words left unsaid, and feelings being pushed down. 

Kara notices how Lena’s heart starts racing even faster through her superhearing and catches Lena straightening her back.

“Then let’s talk about work. This is unacceptable behavior for an employee. You ran out this morning when I gave you an assignment, you missed a staff meeting, and now, when asked to do a job by your boss, you act like it’s an inconvenience.’’ 

Kara feels a sharp sting in her chest. It hurt her so much to see Lena this cold and calm, when she knows exactly how much she has just hurt the brunette. And so she looks anywhere but at Lena’s eyes because she can’t bear to see the pain in them as Lena keeps on speaking.

“I did not spend seven hundred and fifty million dollars on a company as a favor to a friend, nor do I plan on being an absentee landlord. I’m a businesswoman, and this is an investment. I plan to get out of it everything that I can.’’ 

Kara didn’t think it was possible to feel even worse after that attack from Psi, but she does. She feels horrible. She feels guilty and hollow and devastated. But she also feels alone.  _ She feels so alone. _

She gathers all the strength that she has left in her body, mentally and physically, and answers Lena.

“I’ll get in touch with your contact at the bank.’’

“Thank you.’’ The pain in Lena’s voice is apparent now, and after a moment of intense staring Lena turns around to walk away. Kara picks her purse up from the floor and walks around her desk towards the elevator again, on her way to Lena’s contact at Morgan Edge’s bank.

So many words were left unsaid, but felt by the both of them.

 

Kara has just exit the big working room when her phone starts to ring again. She reaches in her purse and finds the device. When she reads Alex’s name she picks up without hesitating.

Alex doesn’t wait and starts speaking as soon as the line is connected.

“Kara, she hit another bank.’’

“I’m on my way.’’ Kara replies and with that she hangs up as and puts her phone back in her purse as she gets into an empty elevator. The elevator doors close, and without even thinking twice Kara rips open her blouse to reveal her supersuit.

She takes off her glasses and reaches to push the button for the fifth floor, because she knows that floor is deserted so she will be able to change into Supergirl without anyone noticing.  Just when she is about to push the button, a wave of anxiety seems to hits her. 

Kara doesn’t know what is it, but she feels stressed. She can’t seem to catch her breath and she feels her heart start to race in her chest like her life depends on it. She tries to focus on inhaling and exhaling to regain control of her breath, but it doesn’t work. Her palms start to sweat and her head starts to swirl. Everything around her seems to get a little hazy, and the distinct lines of the floor buttons seem to become blurred. 

Kara feels warm, but not in a pleasant way. She becomes more short-breathed by the second as she feels drops of sweat start to make their way down from her forehead to her cheeks. She stumbles backwards in the elevator, searching for the wall behind her to lean on for comfort. 

Everything is blurry. Kara can’t get her breathing under control and her heart is pounding so loud in her superears that she feels like someone is slamming a hammer on her head. She feels incredibly hot which is what is causing her to sweat like crazy, and the sweat makes her feel cold again. 

Kara starts to panic. She has already opened her blouse and so if the elevator was to stop and someone would get in, they would know she was Supergirl. She stumbles again, breathing heavily as she tries to get to the floor buttons to push the button for the fifth floor. 

She feels trapped. Trapped in the elevator and trapped in herself. Even her clothes make her feel stuck, like she is squeezed in them. Like they are too small. Kara’s panic is increasing. She pushes the button for the fifth floor over and over, not sure how many times she has actually already pressed it, while trying with all her might to hold in her strength as not to break the button. 

Kara starts heaving. Deep and uncontrolled breaths leave her lungs as her vision stays blurred. The walls seem to be coming closer. She feels completely powerless. She feels so stuck.  _ So stuck. So alone.  _ The elevator becomes smaller and smaller and Kara feels more trapped by the second.

She lets herself fall against the wall and sits in the corner of the elevator. Pressing herself into the wall as far as possible as if trying to escape the narrowing walls, she pulls her knees up against her chest. She feels so afraid.  _ So afraid. _

She sits there for a moment, panicking and out of breath, completely soaked in sweat. She has to get out of here.  _ She has to get out of here now. _

Kara forces herself to sit up straight, pushing the overwhelming fear out of her head. She needs to get to Psi. She needs to stop her. She needs to protect the city. She needs to protect Alex.  _ She needs to be Supergirl. _

With that she pushes herself off of the elevator floor, through the ceiling and through the roof of the building, getting rid of her clothes in the process. When she is finally out to the CatCo building, in her Supersuit, flying above the city while feeling the sun on her face, she feels like she can breathe again. She feels an overwhelming relief spread through her body, powering her with the strength she had missed back in the elevator. 

Kara takes a few very deep breaths, taking in the air like it was the cure to a deadly disease, when she hears Alex’s voice through her earpiece.

“Supergirl?’’

Giving herself the time to reply, Kara takes another few deep breaths to calm herself. 

“I’m okay. I’m headed there now.’’ She replies.

“She got away.’’ Alex says, a hint of guilt in her voice for having interrupted Kara’s day.

Kara sighs. All that trouble for nothing. She decides to fly to the DEO anyways, wanting to avoid CatCo and Lena for a while.

When she enters, she looks for Winn and finds him behind one of the main computers. She strides towards him, to tap him gently on the shoulder.

“Winn, do you have a minute?’’ She says.

Winn looks up from his screen. As soon as his eyes find Kara he swings around in his chair and almost jumps up.

“Hey, yeah, sure.’’ He says a little too eager. ‘’What’s wrong?’’

Kara leads him to one of the hallways, checking nobody can hear them before she starts speaking.

“I need you to check for any signs of psychic intrusion inside of the CatCo building within the past fifteen minutes. Especially in the elevator.’’

“Okay, I can do that. Why, though, what’s wrong?’’ Winn sounds concerned.

“Nothing, just..’’ Kara trails off. She had let Winn in before today and it had felt really good. She had felt so relieved after that. She didn’t really have to let him get close order to let him in. If she just told him what was on her mind, he would find a way to help her feel better without knowing much. He would just listen to whatever she had to say and give her his advice. She didn’t really need to let him in emotionally. So she didn’t see the harm in telling him what had happened. Plus this fear was thwarting her from doing her job as Supergirl, so if Winn could help her block Psi from getting into her mind, she should tell him what happened in the elevator.

“I, uhm.. I think Psi is able to locate me with her mind and make me feel the fear that I told you about before so that I won’t be able to do my job.’’

Winn looks at her with a serious face.

“What do you mean? Was she in your head again?’’ 

“Yeah. She made me feel like how I felt in that pod when I escaped from Krypton. Alone, isolated and stuck. Very stuck, imprisoned almost.’’

“Okay, we are taking this to the care ward.’’ Winn begins to walk away but Kara stops him.

“Winn, I’m fine. I just need you to check for signs of psychic intrusion to see if we can locate the source and find her.’’ Kara tries to reassure him.

“Okay, but then we still need to go to the care ward, because I will have to scan your brain.’’ He gives her a slight smirk and walks off in the direction of the care ward. Kara rolls her eyes and follows him.

When they arrive, Winn points to one of the beds for Kara to lie on. With reluctance, Kara settles down on the middle bed and lets Winn work his computer magic.

While Kara lies as still as possible, Winn is walking from one screen to the next, working everything out. Kara senses the tension Winn is building up in the room and hears his heart hammer in his chest. She knows he is about to ask something.

After a few more minutes, Winn seems to have finally worked up the courage and clears his throat.

“So.. Did you see your mom again?’’

Kara pretends not to hear him at first, which she was surprised people still fell for even when they knew she had superhearing. “Hmm?’’

“Were you back in that pod again like you were this morning?’’

“No, it was different this time. It was just the same feeling. I didn’t have the visions and flashbacks.’’ Kara sits up straight on the side of the bed when Winn gestures the brain scan is done. 

“That’s weird.’’ Winn says as he picks up his tablet from the table.

“I know it was her, though. She must be getting stronger. I felt her in that elevator with me. She was, -she was in my head again.’’ Kara stammers.

Winn looks on his tablet and walks towards Kara. 

“Well, there is no sign of any psychic intrusion.’’ He says as he lays his tablet on the bed next to the one Kara is sitting on, standing directly opposite of her.

“Wait, what?’’ Kara looks up at Winn, confused and almost convinced she heard that wrong even though that is not possible. Winn takes a seat on the bed opposite of Kara, facing her.

“I think that you just had a good old human panic attack.’’ 

Kara stares at him intently, trying to read his face.  _ Was he joking? _ She couldn’t find any signs of it, and his heartbeat didn’t race when he spoke so he wasn’t lying either. Did she have a panic attack.  _ Did Supergirl, the Girl of Steel, actually have a panic attack?  _ Kara refused to believe it. She couldn’t be that weak. She was not human, so she wasn’t bothered by these mundane symptoms. Kara refused to believe that.

“That’s not possible. No. I’m, -I’m stronger than that.’’ 

“Look, she got into your head, Okay? We know she is forcing you to live through some serious trauma, that is going to take a toll on anyone.’’ Winn holds Kara’s eyes, obviously trying to comfort her.

Kara lets out a frustrated breath. She was so tired of everyone trying to take care of her like she was a child. This doesn’t stop Winn from continuing his supportive speech.

“-I don’t care if you’re the strongest person in the world. Which..’’ He trails off for a second, scanning Kara from head to toe. Kara sees something she can’t identify flash in his eyes. 

“Look it’s nothing to be ashamed off.’’

“I never said I was ashamed.’’ Kara says annoyed. She was not some little girl who needed people to tell her to not be ashamed of herself and to not be ashamed of her emotions. She was Supergirl, and Supergirl could handle herself just fine. 

Alex interrupted their conversation by walking into the room.

“Winn, J’onn is looking for you.’’ 

When Alex spots Kara, she comes to a halt and her expression softens.  _ Great. Another person trying to take care of Supergirl.  _

“Hey, what are you guys doing up here?’’ Alex asks with that familiar tone of concern and suspicion in her voice.

Winn stands up from the bed in a reflex and obviously tries to clear the tension in the air.

“Just talking. Hanging out, just being friends.’’

Kara knows better than to give Alex the opportunity to interrogate them both, and so she decides it is time for her departure.

“I have to go, sorry.’’ She walks past her sister hastily, and feels Alex’s eyes follow her. But Kara ignores them and walks out of the room. She decides she should probably get on with her job at CatCo. She has caused Lena enough distress today, so she should probably check for the source that Lena had given her on Edge.

Kara walks towards the balcony entrance of the DEO that was made especially for her and J’onn. She lifts off and flies in the direction of Morgan Edge’s bank, scanning the city for any criminal activity when she suddenly picks up Lena’s heartbeat.

She can’t help but focus all her senses on the brunette. 

Lena is sitting in the storage room of CatCo, looking through files together with Eve. Eve is probably telling Lena everything CatCo has been writing about the past year to give Lena an indication of the company’s direction. 

Kara focuses hard, trying to pick up the conversation.

“.. she is just like that sometimes. I wouldn’t take it personally. Even under Cat Grant she has been known to be a little off some days. I think it is because she always pushes herself to work really hard, she always disappears but at the end of the day she has her work finished before anyone else.’’ Eve was talking to Lena in a soothing voice, trying to reassure the brunette.

“Yeah, I guess so. I have just never seen her act like this.’’ There is hurt in Lena’s voice. Kara flinches at the sound of it.

“Well, you know what they say, to really get to know someone you have to work with them.’’ Eve tries to joke.

Lena manages a sad smile.

“I just, -I was so excited for today and I thought Kara was too.’’

Kara almost crashes into a building. They were talking about her.. 

Kara slows down, completely focused on the conversation happening on the other side of the city.

“Of course she is! I have never seen Kara more supportive and enthusiastic about somebody but you.’’

“Really?’’ Lena seems to lighten up a bit. ‘’Then why does it feel like she is pushing me away?’’ The hurt in her voice returns.

“Look, I don’t know Kara all that well and I don’t know you that well either, but it’s obvious to anyone who has eyes and common sense that you two care for each other. And for Kara, she has had a rough time. Nobody really knows why, but she seems to have been in a dark place the past six months or so. I’m sure she doesn’t mean to hurt you.’’ Eve tries to comfort Lena, but Kara can tell it’s not working. 

It’s not working because it wasn’t true. It wasn’t true that Kara never meant to hurt Lena. Because Kara had meant it at the time. Kara had known it was necessary in order to keep Lena away. She had meant to hurt Lena in order for Lena to drop the subject and stop trying to get in. She didn’t want to do it, that was true. But she still did it. And she had meant it in that moment. 

And Lena was right. Kara  _ is  _ pushing Lena away. Kara is actively trying to spend less time with the brunette. She has been actively avoiding her and ditching their plans. Hurting Lena each time, on purpose. It made Kara sick to her stomach to think of all the ways in which she was hurting the brunette, and had been hurting her these past few months. She felt disgusted by herself.  

If only she could explain it all to Lena. If only she could tell her the reason for her distance. The reason for her change in behavior. It would make it all so much easier. If she could tell Lena that she needed to focus her energy on being Supergirl, she was sure the brunette would understand. That is, if she didn’t hate Kara for keeping something like that from her for so long.

Kara thought back to the words Lillian Luthor had said right before they had went on a mission to rescue Mon-El and Lena together. About how Lena would react if she would find out Kara was Supergirl. Lillian predicted Lena would hate Kara. That Lena would resent her for having lied about something like that. For having played her. 

Kara feels a sharp sting in her chest. 

The thought of Lena hating her hits her like a kryptonite knife. It is one of the things even Kara’s bulletproof skin isn’t compatible against. 

Kara can’t stand it. There are no other words to explain it. She can’t stand the thought of Lena hating her.

She imagines Lena treating Kara the way Kara is treating her right now, avoiding her, pushing her away and refusing to admit how close the two of them used to be. Canceling plans and shutting her out. Kara feels an enormous sense of guilt spread through her entire body.

Kara can feel herself sliding into a spiral of negative thoughts. She can notice herself entering a negative state of mind, for as far as she wasn’t in that already. But there is nothing she can do to stop it. All she can do is keep flying and feel the negativity take over.

She imagines Lena back in her office at L-Crop, spending all the evenings alone again, forgetting, or refusing, to eat dinner. She imagines Lena drinking excessively while desperately trying to push Kara out of her thoughts, blaming and doubting herself for thinking Kara was different. She imagines Lena giving her glares from across the room whenever she would be on Supergirl duty and would have to co-operate with the brunette, obvious hurt and disdain in her eyes. 

Kara imagines Lena lying awake at night, wondering how she could have been so stupid to miss the clues to Kara being Supergirl, beating herself up for letting herself be misled yet again. She imagines Lena crying herself to sleep because her best and only friend had betrayed her. 

Kara feels her eyes start to water. A heavy feeling in her stomach weighs her down, making it hard for her to keep on flying.

She tries to shake the tears away and snaps herself out of the depressing thoughts and images tormenting her. 

She needs to make this up to Lena. She has to make up for her behavior today, because the brunette doesn’t deserve to feel this way. 

Kara loses her focus on the conversation between Lena and Eve, and speeds up in the direction of Morgan Edge’s bank, determined to set this right.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so that was the second chapter!
> 
> From now on, I will be writing a lot more scenes myself and there will be less rewriting!
> 
> The rewriting of these scenes is a good writing exercise tho and I enjoy doing it.
> 
> Stay tuned for chapter 3!
> 
> ps. Lena Luthor cooking herself some breakfast barefoot while wearing a bathrobe is my new aesthetic.
> 
> Catch me on Tumblr for more gay content: dhjdb :)


	3. Hold onto me, cause I'm a little unsteady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some tension is finally cleared between Kara and Lena

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I am sorry for making you wait so long.
> 
> School went crazy with deadlines which I still haven't caught up with, and then there was Christmas and New Years.
> 
> A happy new year to you all, let's hope twentygayteen will finally give us canon Supercorp.
> 
> Finally in this chapter there will be a lot less rewriting and more of my own scenes
> 
> Chapter title inspired by the song Unsteady by X Ambassadors.
> 
> Please note: English is not my first language! I have a native English speaker check my work before I upload it, but if you were to find any grammar errors/misspelled words/incoherent sentences please let me know so I can change it!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It had already gotten dark. Lena has just finished all the meetings she had set for today with every department. She is walking around the work room together with James. During the last meeting they had started talking about what it was like to run a company and the pressure that comes with it. And for the first time, Lena could understand Kara’s fondness of him. 

 

James is a nice guy. Unlike many other guys in charge, he actually respects and listens to his employees. That was something Lena definitely noticed during these meetings. 

 

And even though he was obviously in a bad mood, Lena guessed because of the fight he had with Kara, he remained professionally kind towards everybody. Lena respected that.

 

She came to the conclusion that James wasn’t all so bad as she previously thought. They had probably just got off to a rough start because James had been jealous of Lena. Which Lena couldn’t blame him for. She would be jealous, too, of anyone that Kara trusted more than her to confide her thoughts and feelings to.

 

As if James could read Lena’s mind, he switches the subject of their conversation, coming to a halt.

 

‘’Thank you for calling these meetings today. I think everyone will appreciate you giving them a heads up and not interfering with the company’s direction that much yet.’’

 

‘’It was my pleasure. CatCo is already making a very good amount of profit so I don’t see any reason to change something.’’ Lena smiles.

 

‘’Well, thanks again. And also, I think I should probably apologize to you for how I acted this morning.’’ James looks down before continuing. 

‘’I was not in a good mood today, as you may have noticed, and some stuff with Kara came up and I just, -I took that out on you and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.’’ He looks up again.

 

‘’Apology accepted.’’ Lena says smiling, not breaking eye contact.

 

‘’Please, I want you to know that my reaction to you was nothing personal.’’ James continues. Lena can’t stop herself from raising an eyebrow, because she knew for a fact that this was not entirely true. 

 

James could’ve outed his frustrations on anyone, being the boss, but had chosen Lena as his culprit. And Lena, having overheard his conversation with Kara, knew this was because he was jealous of her. Because he was jealous of her closeness with Kara, even though Lena started had to doubt that closeness today.

 

‘’No, I didn’t think it was.’’ Lena says, a hint of sarcasm in her voice, keeping her eyes on James, following him every move to see his reaction.

James bites his lip and a guilty smile makes its way onto his face. 

 

‘’You don’t believe me, do you?’’ He says in a knowing voice.

 

‘’I spent my whole life around people trying to manipulate me into liking them. I have developed a pretty advanced sense on when someone is lying to me.’’ Lena replies, hoping this will give him the space to explain himself if he wants while also giving him a way out.

 

James lets out a nervous laugh.

‘’I guess you’re right. I just, I miss Kara and I miss helping her, you know? I want to help her feel better but she won’t talk to me anymore. She won’t talk to anybody. Except for you, it seems.’’

 

Lena feels her own eyes light up. She can’t suppress a smile.

 

‘’She won’t even talk to Alex anymore. And I know she must have her reasons for it, but I can’t seem to grasp them. I mean, no offense, but she has known you a lot shorter than most of us, and Alex is her sister. Those two used to be inseparable.’’

 

Lena gets this. It would be more logical for Kara to turn to Alex, so Lena can’t give James an explanation as to why Kara appears to gravitate more towards her. Although she is pretty convinced Kara is not even  _ really _ talking to Lena, because the blonde has not once in these past few months actually told Lena about anything that was bothering her.

 

It is true that in the past few days, Kara has been more open towards Lena than in all of  the past six months combined. But still, Kara has yet to let Lena in.

 

‘’I get where you are coming from, Mr. Olsen, but I am afraid I have to disappoint you. Kara has not opened up to me about anything yet. I have been trying to get her to talk to me but whenever things get too personal she seems to put her armor back on.’’ Lena says truthfully.

 

‘’At least she  _ lets  _ her armor down around you.’’ James persists. He starts walking aimlessly at a slow pace again. Lena follows.

 

‘’What do you mean? She can’t keep wearing a mask every second of the day. Nobody is capable of that all the time.’’ Lena says, convinced Kara has probably opened up more to her other friends and her sister than they might have noticed. 

‘’I mean, I know it’s not much, but if you pay close enough attention you will notice slight changes in her expression or the tone in her voice. It’s easy to miss but when you notice them, you can tell those are the moments she stops pretending for a bit.’’

 

James stares at her for a while. He seems to be lost for words. Finally he clears his throat and speaks again.

 

‘’Well, it seems you are the only one around whom she does that with.’’ 

 

A red-haired man interrupts their conversation by asking James for help.

 

‘’Excuse me, Miss Luthor.’’ James smiles at her and then follows the red-haired man to his desk.

 

Lena stares after him, almost convinced she had heard the last thing he had said wrong. 

 

It was not possible. Kara could not have only let her guard down like that around Lena. They barely even saw each other. There had to be moments in which Kara has talked to James or Alex and opened up a bit, even if it was without them knowing.

 

Lena looks around the big working room, scanning every desk, not really sure what she is searching for. Anything that can take her mind off of Kara for a while. Anything at all.

 

She starts to walk through the room, slowly zigzagging in between all the desks. Most of them are abandoned. It’s seven o’clock already and most employees have gone home to eat dinner by now. It is then that she feels her own stomach growl. She is hungry.

 

A man comes walking up to her, interrupting her fantasies about food.

 

‘’Excuse me, Miss. I am from the department of facility management. We have ordered a new stock of paper for all printers throughout the building. Should we give up our regular delivery address, or do you have a different address to deliver all the supplies to?’’

 

He hands her a form containing information about the delivery, which requires to be signed. Lena quickly reads through it, not finding anything that troubles her.

 

‘’I think you can handle everything the way you normally would. If I were to have questions I will come find you. Thank you.’’ Lena says smiling, and so she signs the form.

 

When she looks up from the piece of paper, her heart stops. Kara comes walking towards her.

 

Lena quickly looks around in search of James, not sure whether Kara will want to speak to her after their clash this afternoon. She doesn’t find him, though. She looks back towards Kara and notices the blonde is hesitantly walking towards her. 

 

Kara is fumbling with her fingers as she approaches Lena. Lena takes a step towards Kara in her turn, trying to read Kara’s expression. But Lena doesn’t need to try, Kara’s voice says everything.

 

The guilt, shame and pain apparent, the blonde speaks.

 

‘’So, I, um.. I got in touch with your contact at the bank, And he would be a great source on Edge.’’ Kara doesn’t quite meet Lena’s eyes while talking, afraid of what she will encounter. 

 

Lena feels the tension between them. The air is thick with it. She tries to stay as calm as possible, even though her heart is racing in her chest.

 

‘’I’m glad it was valuable.’’ Lena replies formally. She isn’t sure whether Kara will shut her out again or finally open up. But one thing is clear, something has changed in Kara’s eyes. Something must’ve happened today, or she must have had a certain realization, because Kara looks defeated. Exhausted. She looks like all fight has left her body.

 

Kara tries to smile and nods to Lena’s response. She folds her arms across her chest, giving Lena the indication that she will close herself off again, but then almost as if to remind herself of something she changes posture. As she looks at Lena,  _ really  _ looks at Lena, for the first time since she entered the room, guilt and pain flashes in the blondes eyes and she lets her arms fall to her sides, picking up a Rubik’s cube that she finds on the desk next to where they are standing. 

 

She starts fumbling with it, moving it around in her hands, letting it distract her. 

 

Lena watches Kara every move.

 

Kara takes a deep breath while focusing on the object in her hands.

 

‘’Um..’’ She starts.

 

Another deep breath.

 

Lena takes in the sight of Kara struggling with herself. It hurts her to see the blonde like this. 

 

Kara is still looking down at the Rubik’s cube in her hands, fidgeting it through her fingers, when she speaks again.

 

‘’I think I need to apologize for my behavior earlier. ’’ 

 

She looks up at Lena, who tries to hold Kara’s gaze, but Kara is too afraid, too ashamed to look at Lena for longer than a second. She almost feels unworthy of looking into Lena’s beautiful green eyes. Kara looks away again.

 

‘’And you’re right. I have a lot more baggage about Mon-El than I previously thought.’’

 

Lena feels her heart tear. An overwhelming sense of grief hits her as she looks at the woman in front of her, who is clearly struggling with all her might to not fall apart right here and now. 

 

Kara looks at her now, inhaling a sharp breath. An intense exchange between the two of them happens when their eyes meet.

 

Kara’s eyes express her brokenness, her exhaustion. She looks into Lena in search for comfort, comfort of any kind. She craves lena’s affection, knowing it is the only thing that can make her feel better no matter what is happening and how bad she feels. But there is also a sense of culpability. Kara knows she hasn’t treated Lena right these past few months, and it hurts her to think of the pain she has caused the brunette. She isn’t sure if she still deserves to be around an amazing woman like Lena. 

 

Lena’s eyes in her turn radiate affection. She adores Kara so deeply, and seeing her like this, openly hurting and finally admitting to her brokenness, makes Lena’s heart ache. She tries to show Kara she is here for her, tries to come off as open and accepting as possible, while she stares at the shredded woman in front of her, realizing right there that she loves every torn, little piece of Kara. She may not have liked Mon-El, or the way he treated Kara, but Kara seems to really loved him, and so Lena finds Kara’s wellbeing more important than her jealousy of the man she felt was unworthy of Kara’s love.

 

‘’It’s not knowing what happened to him that’s the hardest.’’ Kara continues, still looking at Lena. 

 

Lena feels a lump form in her throat, but she swallows it down in order to comfort Kara.

‘’I know it can’t be easy.’’

 

‘’You were just trying to be a good friend to me and I bit your head off, and I’m..’’ Kara trails off, struggling with herself.

 

Lena decides to not let Kara beat herself up over this and is determined to reassure Kara that she has forgiven her. She will always forgive Kara.

 

‘’This is new for me, too.’’ Lena says in a soothing voice.

 

‘’Working with friends?’’ Kara asks almost desperately.

 

‘’No, having friends.’’ Lena half laughs, trying to play it off as a joke but knowing Kara knows this is true.

 

Kara lets out a nervous but admitting laugh, feeling slightly stupid for having asked this question to Lena.

 

‘’Luthors don’t have friends, we have minions. And also, I think there’s going to be a learning curve for both jobs’’ Lena looks at Kara smiling, feeling her heart fill with warmth at the sight of the woman in front of her curling her lips in relief.

 

‘’No. No, Lena. Today you were a really good friend and a great boss.’’ Kara replies convinced through and through of every word leaving her mouth. 

‘’Honestly.’’ She adds when she notices Lena is hesitant in accepting this compliment.

 

Lena feels her cheeks redden as a big smile that spreads from ear to ear breaks through on her face. She looks down, trying to hide her obvious blushing. 

‘’Thank you.’’ She manages to say, feeling her whole stomach fill with butterflies.

 

Lena tries to stop herself, but she craves Kara as close as possible right now. She craves to have the blonde’s contact all over her body. Not knowing if Kara will be okay with this though, she asks her first.

 

‘’I’d really like to give you a hug, but I’m afraid I’ll show favoritism.’’

 

‘’Uh, screw that! Come here. bring it in!’’ Kara’s usual radiant vibe seems to return there for the first time in months, filling Lena’s heart with warmth once again. 

 

Lena can’t suppress a chuckle as she compliments herself in her head for being so smooth, and getting Kara to finally lighten up a bit, as the two women lean into each other for a hug.

 

Both of them lose themselves in the other’s arms for a moment, cherishing the fitness of their bodies intertwined. 

 

Lena hugs Kara as tight as she can, having missed feeling Kara this close against her body. She can’t help but squeeze Kara’s shoulder for a moment and feels Kara respond to this by letting out a relieved sigh and pull just a little bit closer. 

 

When Lena catches sight of Sam out of the corner of her eye she breaks the hug with Kara off, which she actually wanted to last a little longer, and is able to slap herself on the forehead.  _ She had completely forgotten about Sam due to all the drama today with Kara!   _

 

She notices Kara tries to hold on to her, savouring Lena’s contact by not letting her hand leave Lena’s arm, and Lena has to focus hard on not making herself look too obvious while letting Sam meet Kara for the first time. She tries to keep her breath under control and speak as normally as possible as she introduces Sam to Kara.

 

‘’Wait, there is actually someone here I want you to meet.’’ She walks in Sam’s direction.

‘’I’m so glad you could make it!’’

 

Sam comes walking up to them, smiling hurriedly like the goofball she is.

‘’Thank you so much for being so understanding.’’ Sam immediately apologizes.

 

‘’Oh please, you know I am no stranger to family drama.’’ 

Lena turns to Kara, meeting an expression in Kara’s face that she can’t really identify.

‘’Kara, this is Samantha Arias, she is going to be taking over from me at L-Corp.’’

 

‘’Oh! That’s great!’’ For a split second, Lena wonders if it is suppressed jealousy that she detects in Kara’s voice. But if it is, Kara is good at hiding it because it fades just as fast as it occurs. ‘’It’s lovely to meet you, Miss Arias.’’ Kara holds out her hand, which Sam takes gladly.

 

‘’Please, it’s just Sam.’’ Sam smiles, obviously excited to finally meet Kara.

 

Lena looks from Kara to Sam and back. She spots the broad smile that spreads across both of their faces, and feels her stomach swirl, mainly because of Kara’s smile. 

 

‘’Okay.’’ Kara agrees, widening her smile even more. For a moment she seems to forget how broken she is.

 

‘’I’m really sorry for being this late, Lena. I promise it won’t happen again.’’ Sam turns back to Lena to apologize.

 

Lena, knowing how hard Sam has to work to be able to take care of her daughter, laughs at this.

 

‘’Sam, please stop apologizing already. You know I know your situation.’’ Lena smiles. When she looks back to Kara she meets a confused expression.

 

Kara looks from Lena to Sam and back, feeling like she has just missed some crucial information. 

 

Lena looks at Kara in an expression that she hopes will encourage the blonde to speak her mind. It seems to work.

 

‘’Have I missed something? Or are you on first name basis with every pretty woman in this town.’’ Kara can’t help the flirt, it escapes from her mouth before she even knows it. 

 

Lena has told Kara about a few men and women that she has met in her clubbing times in both National City and Metropolis, and how she has always stayed on a first name basis with all of them. Or how she was bold enough to think she could call them by their first name. 

 

Lena cocks an eyebrow at Kara, not really sure if Kara is really teasing her like they always tease each other or if there is something more going on.

 

Sam on the other hand bursts out laughing and gives Lena a knowing look.

‘’We know each other from when Lena still lived in Metropolis.’’ She replies.

 

Kara nods, ‘’Oh, well, in that case I can see why you called her Lena.’’ She smiles.

 

The three women start walking towards the ‘boss’s’ elevator, collecting their stuff on their way out.

 

‘’That is my name, darling. It would’ve been weird had she called me something else.’’ Lena says, obviously teasing Kara.

 

Kara seems to turn slightly red. ‘’I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that most people wouldn’t dare call you by your first name if they met you for the first time.’’ Kara says, trying to save herself.

 

‘’And what is that supposed to mean? Do you think they fear I might pull a gun on them because I am the sister of a psychopath?’’ Lena is still teasing Kara and the reaction it never fails to arise from the blonde makes her feel warm inside.

 

‘’I, -I never s, -said that! I just meant that you can be very intimidating.’’ Kara stammers at first, but tries to compose herself in order to tease Lena back. She had missed this game of teasing each other until one of them couldn’t handle it anymore. They used to do this all the time, but ever since Mon-El left Kara never seemed to be in the mood for it. However, she was in the mood for it now.

 

‘’Intimidating how?’’ Lena looks at Kara intently, a daring look in her eyes, her lips in a slight smirk and one eyebrow up, while she grabs her purse from Eve’s desk where she left it. She can’t help but notice how Kara has to inhale a sharp breath before she replies.

 

‘’I don’t know, you, -I..’’ Kara looks around in a panic, trying to save herself from losing the teasing game. ‘’You are a strong and beautiful woman who isn’t afraid to throw in a flirt every now and then. You catch people off guard.’’ Kara finally manages to say.

 

‘’Really?’’ Lena laughs. Kara nods determined in reply.

 

Lena knows she shouldn’t. Lena tries to stop herself. But it’s no use. She always gets lost in their game of teasing and her feelings for Kara always get the best of her, making her go just a bit too far for it to remain innocent platonic teasing. Somehow, Kara never seems to mind, though. 

 

Lena stands up straight and inches exceptionally close to Kara, their faces close enough for Lena to feel Kara inhale another sharp breath. She puts on the boldest face that she has, cocking her eyebrow once again. She speaks in a low voice, almost dropping to a whisper.

 

‘’Do I catch you off guard?’’

Kara stands defeated, frozen to the ground, with her eyes wide holding Lena’s gaze. For a moment, the blonde is sure that her heart has stopped beating. When she feels her heart again, it is beating in her throat, racing up and down like a bounce ball. A warmth that Kara has not felt in a really long time spreads through her entire body, tingling even in her toes and finger tips. She feels her stomach swirl and her lungs fail. No air leaves or enters her body.

She looks at the brunette in front of her in awe. As Lena moves away from Kara, looking rather pleased with herself, and starts to walk in the direction of the elevator again, Kara knows she has lost the teasing game. 

‘’Well. That was intense.’’ Sam says as she follows Lena towards the elevator, an amused look on her face. ‘’Should I leave you two to it, then?’’

Kara quickly regains the control over her body and sprints after Sam and Lena. 

Lena just laughs, knowing she just gave Sam the exact show she had hoped to see when meeting Kara for the first time. After having drunk-dialed Sam on multiple occasions just because she had to talk to someone about how she felt there was potential for more than friendship between her and Kara, she was pretty sure she just gave Sam the perfect example.

Kara catches up with them, readjusting her glasses as she asks the next question. 

‘’So, um, where are we going?’’ 

‘’ _ We _ ?’’ Lena turns to look at Kara in surprise.

‘’Yeah. Or am I not invited?’’ Kara trails off, suddenly feeling very self conscious and extremely stupid. She acted like a complete dick towards Lena the whole day, how can she even expect to be invited to whatever it is Lena and Sam are going to do. 

Lena looks at Kara, trying to read the bonde. Kara has been ditching their plans for months. Lena had finally gotten Kara to go out for dinner this coming friday with her to make up for the fact that Kara couldn’t be at the unveiling of the statue of Supergirl, and now Kara wanted to come with them voluntarily? Lena felt a warmth spread in her chest.  _ Maybe she was going to be able to break through that armour of Kara some day. _

‘’Kara, you are always welcome. You know that.’’

Kara visibly relaxes and her face turns into a less panicking look. 

‘’Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted some space after the way I acted towards you today.’’ Kara asks, still a bit unsure.

‘’If it isn’t clear to you yet, Kara, I love having you around.’’ Lena gives Kara a loving smile and Kara doesn’t even bother to try and hide her blushing. ‘’And Sam and I had planned to get some take away dinner after we handled everything to make Sam the official CFO of L-Corp. You are welcome to join us, if Sam doesn’t mind.’’ 

‘’Fine with me.’’ Sam smiles at Kara who returns a graceful smile.

‘’Good, so that’s settled then!’’ Lena says as she steps inside the elevator. She can’t hide her excitement. Finally, after all these months of trying to make plans, trying to get through to Kara, trying to make the blonde feel like she could talk to Lena, a slight success has been booked. 

Sam follows Lena into the elevator without hesitating, but Kara stands frozen at the door, a bit uncomfortable. 

Lena gives Kara a questioning look.

‘’This elevator is for the boss only..’’ Kara explains as she starts fumbling with her fingers again.

‘’Honestly, Cat was such a diva.’’ Lena laughs as she motions for Kara to get into the elevator with them. 

Kara still doesn’t move, afraid to get back into that elevator. She is afraid because of two reasons. The first reason, is that she fears she might get claustrophobic again like she did this afternoon. And the second reason is because the last time she used this elevator, she was under the influence of Red kryptonite, meaning it might bring back some unpleasant flashbacks.

‘’I really shouldn’t. That elevator is meant just for the boss.’’ Kara’s voice is quavering a bit, and Lena decides Kara has punished herself enough for today.

‘’Yes, and as your boss, I order you to get into this elevator with me.’’ Lena looks at Kara with an affectionate smile on her face. 

Kara seems to decide not to resist Lena, and carefully steps inside the elevator beside Sam.

Lena pushes the button for the ground floor and they watch the door close. 

While they stand in the elevator, Lena notices Kara looking around her with something that looks a lot like fear in her eyes. The blonde seems to be breathing a little faster than normally, as well. 

Lena doesn’t say anything at first, not wanting to take for granted the amount of insight Kara already finally gave Lena today regarding how she was feeling. She doesn’t want to push Kara too much, afraid it will work counterproductive. 

When Kara starts to visibly sweat, and is obviously taking deep and focussed breaths, Lena calls it.

“Kara, are you okay?’’ 

Kara looks at Lena with two wide eyes, emphasizing the blue in them. She gives a firm nod, trying to get Lena to drop it. Lena isn’t that easily fooled, though.

“Kara, darling, please stop lying to me. What’s wrong?’’

Kara gives in, hoping that if she admits to this, Lena won’t try to get under her skin any further.

“I am just feeling..’’ Kara pauses in order to take another deep breath, “A little claustrophobic.’’

“More than a little, it seems.’’ Sam, who has turned to look at Kara, says.

“Is that why you didn’t want to get into the elevator?’’ Lena asks in a soothing voice, hoping it will calm Kara.

Kara nods. She crouches, leaning her arms on the floor for comfort, in an attempt to get away from the walls that seem to be closing in on her again. It’s definitely not as bad as the panic attack she had this afternoon, but it is still not very pleasant.

“Why didn’t you say anything before? We could have taken the stairs if you would have preferred that.” Lena puts a hand on Kara’s shoulder, squeezing it. 

Kara relaxes a bit at the feel of Lena’s warm hand on her body and leans in to the touch slightly.

“I didn’t want you to go..” another deep breath, “Through all that trouble for me.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t have mind taking the stairs, since you and Sam are probably about to ruin my diet again.” 

Sam laughs and Kara can’t help but feel her lips curl as well.

Lena looks up at the floor level display to see how long they still have to go before they reach the ground floor. 

“Only ten floors left. We’re over halfway there, Kara.” She says.

Lena wills for the elevator to go faster but is left powerless, not being able to do anything but to watch the numbers drop down slowly and squeeze Kara’s shoulder in the hope that she is calming the blonde in some way.

The elevator seems to be moving extraordinarily slow. Lena starts feeling a little stuck as well, especially when Sam starts giving Lena knowing looks, which she desperately tries to ignore.

Kara is slowly regaining control over her breath when the display reveals they have reached the fourth flour.

“Just a few more floors, darling. We’re almost there.’’ Lena says as she crouches down next to Kara, moving her hand from Kara’s shoulder to her lower arm, squeezing her again. 

Kara moves her arm in such a way that she escapes from Lena’s hold, making her confused at first, unsure what to do and doubting whether she has come to close for Kara to be comfortable. But when she notices Kara is searching for Lena’s hand, Lena doesn’t hesitate for a single second and grabs a tight hold of the blonde’s hand.

Lena feels all the senses in her body focus on the sensation of Kara’s extremely warm hand in hers. She tries to ignore it. Feeling like this is an uttermost inappropriate time to be freaking out over the fact that their hands feel like they were made to be intertwined, Lena pushes these feelings down, trying to focus instead on making Kara feel less claustrophobic.

Finally, after what seems like hours, the elevator reaches the ground floor and the door opens. 

Sam steps aside immediately, letting Kara see the doors are open. Kara gasps for air and feels her lungs finally fill to the point where she isn’t out of breath anymore. She looks up and sees the lobby in front of her, the walls no longer moving towards her. Her whole body fills with relief as she squeezes Lena’s hand once more.

“Are you okay?’’ Lena asks, still crouched down beside Kara.

“Yeah. I am now.’’ Kara manages a small smile and looks Lena directly in the eye, squeezing her hand again as a sign of gratitude. 

“Can you stand?’’ 

“Yes, I think so.’’

Kara and Lena move in sync, both standing up straight again. Kara lets go of Lena’s hand in the process, and Lena feels the absence of Kara touch right away. A tingling sensation remains present on the places where their hands were touching only seconds before, reminding Lena of a contact with Kara that she craves so deeply for but will never have.

Kara regains her posture and feels herself calm down again. She is safe, together with Lena.

“Are we good to go?’’ Sam is smiling, trying not to come off impatient.

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that.’’ Kara apologizes. She starts walking out of the elevator, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. She feels really stupid for having let that happen again. Especially in front of Lena.

“There is nothing to apologize for.’’ Lena follows in Kara’s footsteps, hoping to God that the blonde won’t lash out again after having obviously shown some fragility. 

“Yes, there is. I feel really stupid and I can’t imagine what you must be thinking. I mean, I am a grown woman, not some 8 year old child who still gets panic attacks from feeling claustrophobic.’’ Kara feels irritated with herself, but also with Lena for not accepting the apology.

“Kara, there is no shame in feeling afraid sometimes. Even when that fear feels unnecessary to you.’’ Lena tries to catch Kara’s gaze, but Kara keeps looking away.

They exit the building and Lena waves to signal to Frank, her driver, who is parked right in front of the CatCo entrance. 

“I still feel kind of dumb.’’

“Well, don’t, It’s silly. I didn’t mind, as far as I noticed Sam didn’t mind, and so you have nothing to apologize for.’’ Lena says as she opens the car door.

Lena steps aside to let Sam and Kara get in before her. Kara still won’t drop Lena not accepting her apology though. She stands opposite of Lena, who is holding the car door in her hands, and finally meets Lena’s eyes.

“Are you sure?’’ 

“A hundred percent. Now get your cute ass in the car.’’ Lena gives Kara a smirk, and that seems to do the trick. Kara lets out a small laugh and gives finally gives in, stepping into the car. Lena follows after the blonde.

When the three of them are seated, Lena gives Frank instructions for where to go to. 

“I’m starving.’’ Sam says, poking around in her purse in search for something.

“Yeah, me too.’’ Kara nods.

“You two are always starving. Honestly, It’s a miracle you both are so skinny.’’ Lena fakes a sulking face and both Sam and Kara can’t help but laugh. 

“Well, I work out a lot.’’ Kara puts on a proud smile.

“You think I haven’t noticed?’’ Lena looks at Kara with a smirk on her face, which spreads into a grin when she notices Kara’s cheeks redden and the way she looks away at this comment.

Lena was all but too aware of Kara’s amazingly built body. Her arms looked like they could almost be as strong as Supergirl’s. Her legs were in perfect proportion compared to the rest of her body. Even her neck looked like it was composed entirely of muscle at times. Lena had never seen Kara without a shirt or in bikini, and she knew it was wrong to fantasize about this, but she was incredibly curious about the blonde’s abs. She had no doubt that Kara’s stomach must look just as strong as her arms do.

Sam interrupts Lena’s train of thought.

“I guess I’m just lucky that I haven’t grown fat yet, because with taking care of Ruby on my own while also working a full-time job I literally have no time left to do anything but sleep.’’

Lena laughs and nods, “Same. When you’re in charge of two companies you don’t have the time to watch your health.’’

“Um, yeah, I’ve noticed. How many times have I stopped by your office just to make sure you eat a decent dinner?’’ Kara teases Lena, who returns a playful smile.

“Oh my God, I know right?! This woman honestly refuses to eat anything unless you personally come visit her office and literally shove it in her mouth.” Sam jokes and Kara lets out an admitting laugh, knowing exactly what Sam means.

“Have the two of you ever considered, though, that I didn’t eat anything on purpose in the hope that you would stop by to keep me company?’’ Lena puts on a smug face.

“No, are you serious?’’ Kara’s laugh fades rapidly and is traded for a look of concern, while Sam is still laughing next to Kara, very aware that Lena is just teasing them again. Kara seems oblivious, however. “Lena, you know if you want company all you have to do is call or text and I will be there as fast as I can.’’

“Kara, darling, I was only joking.’’ Lena laughs as she meets Kara’s eyes and watches the worry in them slowly fade away.

“Oh.’’ Kara seems a bit flustered.

Sam is still laughing next to Kara and Lena can’t suppress a chuckle either.

When Frank calls to them from the front seat and tells them they have arrived at the restaurant, Lena takes out her phone to show the two woman the menu. 

Lena is considered a regular customer of high status in this restaurant, so every week she gets an email from the cook regarding the changes in the menu for the coming week. She lets Kara and Sam see the current menu, and once they have picked a dish, Lena tells Frank their orders, including her own, and instructs him to go inside and order for them, telling him to order something for himself as well. She gives him some money and watches him get out of the car.

“Is this one of those ridiculously expensive restaurants again?’’ Kara says as she watches Lena hand over a stack of money bills to Frank.

 

“No, actually. This one is really not that expensive.” 

“Tell that to us basic wage employees.” Sam jokes. 

“Are you complaining to your boss about your salary?” Lena cocks an eyebrow at Sam and puts on a smirk.

“I wouldn’t dare.” Sam laughs and Lena returns the smile.

Kara, seated in between Lena and Sam, feels a painful sting in her chest which she can’t identify at the sight of Lena teasing Sam in the way that she usually teases Kara. 

Lena catches sight of this look on Kara’s face which she is unable to identify either. She wonders for a moment, though, if there might have been a hint of jealousy in the blonde’s blue eyes.  

“So, are we going to eat in your apartment? We can also eat at my place but it’s completely on the other side of the city. I think your place is the closest from here.” Sam looks at Lena in a more serious face now.

“Yeah, sure. I just haven’t been able to clean much this week so you can’t hold me accountable for the mess we might find inside.” Lena jokes. 

“Please, you are one of the cleanest people I know. When you have a child leaving her stuff all through the house, then we’ll talk about the definition of a messy apartment.’’ 

Kara, still seated in between the two brunettes, can’t help but feel a little left out in these conversations. She can feel herself retreat into the shadows, noticing the negative thoughts take over her brain again. She almost feels like she is watching herself building up the walls again. Retreating into her fortress of loneliness and despair, not wanting to allow Lena to enter and see her in such a dark and ugly place. She suddenly doubts whether she should have done this. Whether she should have gone with Lena and Sam. Maybe she should have left them to it. Maybe she shouldn’t have intruded in their private time together. Maybe they were better off without her, a  _ cold _ and  _ broken _ girl who has been  _ hurting _ Lena all day, who still has  _ panic attacks _ and still gets  _ claustrophobic _ .

Lena notices Kara’s absent mindedness and the way she seems to retreat herself into her armour. Lena can’t really explain how she knows, but she can just  _ feel _ Kara pulling away from the company. She can feel Kara’s positive mindset disappear and notices her facial expressions hardening.

The fact that Kara had been in such a good mood this evening had made Lena incredibly happy, but watching it fade now within a matter of seconds without knowing what was going on hurts her. She debates for a moment whether to ask Kara about it or just to try to talk to Kara about something she knows will lift the blonde’s mood. 

She decides Kara probably thinks she has opened up enough for her own liking already, and so she goes with the latter. 

“By the way, Kara, after you have finished your article on Edge, I really wanted you to become our number one alien reporter since that interests you so much. So you will have the liberty of choosing whether you want to write it yourself or pitch it through to someone else when it comes to articles about everything alien.’’

Lena notices Kara’s eyes light up. 

“Really?’’ Kara’s face forms an excited smile again. She looks like a child who has just gotten an extra candy bar from her mother. Lena adores the sight of it. 

Lena nods, smiling, trying to hide her blushing at the thought of having made Kara smile again.

Kara almost jumps up out of her seat. 

“Oh my God, thank you so much, Lee!’’ 

Lena freezes. She inhales a sharp breath and feels her heartbeat falter for a moment. 

Kara notices the immediate change in Lena’s body and freezes as well.

Lena’s green eyes meet the stunningly blue ones hidden behind Kara’s glasses.

The two women look at each other for a moment, trying to communicate through their eye contact. 

Lena looks at Kara in complete adoration, knowing damn well she is wearing the biggest heart eyes possible, but unable to stop. 

Kara looks at Lena like she has just found her home again, like she isn’t lost anymore for the first time in six months.

It was the first time in over half a year that Kara had called Lena by her nickname  _ Lee _ .

The nickname only Kara ever used for Lena, and only Kara was ever allowed to use. 

Lena hadn’t been called by that nickname in so long, and she had almost forgotten how it always made her feel. 

When Kara called her Lee, Lena felt like the whole world stopped for a moment. Like for one second, she was the centre of the universe and everything was spinning for and around her. 

Kara had not called Lena by this nickname in such a long time. And now it just popped out of her mouth like it was a normal breath of air. It had escaped from her mouth before she had been able to think twice.

Due to her super hearing, Kara had always been able to pick up slight changes in Lena’s body language. And she had come to notice that whenever she would call the brunette by this nickname, her heartbeat always seemed to stutter for a brief moment. 

This time, she only thought of this again when her ears indeed picked up a stammer in Lena’s heartbeat. 

Lena is still staring into Kara’s eyes, not capable of looking away. The whole world seems to have faded out around her, and all that was left is her and Kara. 

A blush appears on Kara’s cheeks, along with a flustered smile.

The blonde looks down.

“I, uhm..’’ 

Lena hears a cough from behind Kara and remembers Sam is also there with them. She feels herself slowly being pulled back into reality. 

She tries to tear her eyes away from Kara, but can’t find the strength.

Kara keeps looking at her fingers, a pensive expression on her face now, and as she softly shakes her head she turns her face completely away from Lena.

Finally, Lena manages to look away as well.

“Thanks.’’ Kara says in a more composed voice, still looking at her fingers.

“Yeah, no problem.’’ Lena achieves to bring out despite her breathlessness. 

Sam looks up and down between Lena and Kara, trying to figure out what in the holy hell had just happened in the span of the past ten seconds. 

“Is everything alright between you two?’’ She asks, genuinely concerned for Lena but also curious about the tension filling the air in the car.

“Yeah, totally!’’ Lena says, now looking down to her fingers as well, trying to get Sam to let it go. She does not want Kara to be confronted with the fact that there is obviously still some unresolved tension between them, afraid this will scare her away again.

“Are you sure? Cause the air in this car is thick with the tension between you two.’’ 

Lena curses to herself in her head.  _ Why does Sam have to push this? _

Kara has finally agreed to come out with them. Kara has finally opened up a bit for the first time in months, and she has finally told Lena about her feelings and how she is hurting. She is finally hanging out with her again, having fun, teasing her like they used to and actually laughing. At times, you could hardly even tell she was actually broken. Lena doesn’t want this to go away again. She doesn’t want Kara to lash out on them again.

Lena intends to tell Sam to drop it and that everything is fine, when Kara surprises Lena, catching her completely off guard.

“No, you’re right. Things haven’t been the smoothest between us.’’ Kara is speaking in a calm voice, but not as emotionless as Lena had expected, looking at Sam. “It’s not Lena’s fault, it’s mine. I’ve been a bit distant and I think I’ve just dropped a massive bomb on Lena by suddenly asking to come with you.’’ Kara looks over to Lena now.

Lena stares into Kara’s eyes, completely flabbergasted. 

“I mean, well, yeah. Kind of.’’ Lena admits, stumbling all over her words. She has lost all control of her body and her mind has gone completely blank. She hates that Kara can do this to her, catch her this off guard. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.’’ Kara is strangely composed and calm, while staying soft as well. Lena isn’t really sure what to make of it.  _ Is Kara playing pretend again? _ Is this just an act in order to get Sam to drop the subject and to make Lena believe Kara is letting her in? 

Lena doesn’t know how to react. Is she supposed to stay calm and collected like Kara, or should she pour her heart out to the blonde, confessing how much she has missed her? She wouldn’t know how to pursue either ideas, because right now while looking dumbfounded into Kara Danvers’ eyes, Lena is lost for words.

Sam interrupts her train of thought.

“You know what? I think I’ll leave you two to it.’’ 

Lena, having found the ability to speak again a few moments after Sam announces her departure, tries to protest while Sam grabs her purse.

“No, Sam. You don’t have to go.’’

“It’s fine, Lena. You two obviously mean alot to each other and I can tell it’s getting under both your skins that the past is still unresolved. Plus I still have to pick up Ruby so it’s no problem.’’ Sam gives Lena a reassuring smile.

Lena returns a graceful, but also slightly sad, smile. She is not sure whether Kara is up for making up already, since it will require opening up again.

“Kara, it was a pleasure to finally meet you.’’ Sam gives Kara a bright smile, which Kara returns as they shake hands.

“Yeah, you too.’’ 

Sam opens the car door and looks over her shoulder one last time.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Luthor.’’

“Text me when you get home safely.’’ Lena says, still wearing the same conflicted smile.

Sam nods and with that, she steps out of the car, closing the door behind her.

Lena and Kara are left in the backseat of the car together, the air still thick with thoughts and words left unspoken. 

Kara slowly faces Lena again, a nervous expression on her face. The crinkle in between her eyebrows showing and her lips slightly curled. Suddenly she doesn’t look all that composed anymore. A car drives past them with exceptionally bright lights, shining through the tinted windows of Lena’s expensive car, making Kara’s eyes shine blue like diamonds.

Lena inhales a deep breath, forcing herself not to feel the butterflies that are making her stomach swirl right now.  _ Kara looks breathtaking. _

Kara seems to doubt what to say, which she admits to.

“I, um.. I’m not sure where to start.’’

“Me neither.’’ 

Both women take a deep breath. Kara breaks the ice, her voice unsteady in a way that Lena hasn’t heard it before.

“I’m sorry for calling you ‘Lee’. I saw it made you uncomfortable and I had no right to call you that after the way I’ve acted not only today but the past few months.’’ 

“It didn’t make me uncomfortable, I just wasn’t expecting it.’’ Lena admits.

“But you did mind?’’ Kara sounds insecure, again with a hint of guilt in her voice.

“No, of course I didn’t mind.’’ Lena wants to shout how much she loves Kara. She wants to tell the blonde how amazing she is and that she is the only person on this planet that is ever and always allowed to call her ‘Lee’.

But she doesn’t. Instead she stares longingly at her best friend, who is sitting only centimeters away from her, their thighs touching, but seems so far out of reach.

Kara stares right back, biting her lip. And if Lena wasn’t so worried about Kara and so keen on her finally opening up, that lip bite would have made her lose it. But because she was very aware that this was the first time in  _ months _ that the two of them were having a real, open and honest conversation about how they were feeling with each other, Lena manages, requiring every bit of strength in her body, to control herself.

“Why are you still so patient with me? I mean, I’ve been shutting you out every time you tried to help me.’’ Kara seems to wish she hadn’t said the words as soon as they leave her mouth. She closes her eyes and pushes her lips firm shut, slightly shaking her head again.

Lena knows Kara is struggling with herself. She can see that Kara is fighting a battle in her mind, and it hurts her to watch it.

“Because you were there for me when I needed you. You were there for me when I had nobody else. When no one believed in me. The least I can do is try to repay that favour.’’ Lena says in a soft voice. 

She remembers those hours she had spent in prison all too well, convinced that no one would ever believe her and that she was doomed to end just like her brother. Especially when Metallo had freed her from her cell, she had been sure that was it for her. That she could kiss the good name she was building for L-Corp goodbye. And then Supergirl had showed up and told her that Kara was the one who had sent her. Lena had never felt such a huge amount of gratitude and admiration towards someone. 

Kara looks at Lena with wide eyes, her mouth hanging open gaping beyond her control.

“Still, you deserve better than somebody who is incapable of accepting your help and appreciating your efforts.’’ Kara says in a guilty voice.

“Kara, I couldn’t give two shits about what I deserve.’’ Lena can’t help herself. She loves this woman and she needs Kara to know how important she is to her. “I just want you in my life.’’

Kara inhales a sharp breath, which makes Lena’s heart skip a beat again. The blonde looks so beautiful with her hair pulled back into a tight bun, some strands of hair still stubbornly peaking through. She is obviously flustered by what Lena had just said, a slight blush creeping on her cheeks. For a moment, Kara seems unable to speak, but finally she manages to get two words out. Her voice is barely above a whisper.

“Thank you.’’ 

Lena is watching Kara closely. She is completely mesmerized. She stares at Kara like she is the part of her life that makes all the pain seem worth it. That makes all the hurting, betrayals and heartbreaks worth it. Because Kara is. Kara is worth all that and so much more. 

Kara is that one missing piece of the puzzle that makes everything complete. Kara is the sight of water when you have been walking in a dessert for days. Kara is the freeing breath of wind on the hottest summer day, and she is the first ray of sunshine on a cold winter morning. Kara is all that, miracles in its own, but she also is what makes the little mundane things seem so beautiful. Like the first bite of a very expensive dinner after having worked the entire day. And the first sip of a good cup of coffee in the morning. Or the sight of the night sky revealing just a little more of its secrets, unveiling new burning lights everywhere on a sleepless night.

If Kara was not Lena’s best friend, and if Kara wasn’t obviously hurting, and if she wasn’t still so hung up over Mon-El, Lena would have kissed Kara right here and now. Lena  _ really  _ wants to kiss Kara right here, in this car at this very moment. But since Kara is all the above, Lena doesn’t.

She speaks instead, hoping this will distract her mind from these inappropriate thoughts.

“I have got time, Kara. So I will be here for you when you need me, even if you just want somebody to be around. If you are not ready to talk yet, then I won’t force you to talk about anything. And if you do want to talk about it, I am always here to listen.’’

Kara is staring at Lena through watery eyes while the brunette continues her supportive speech.

“If you ever feel lonely or you just want some company, don’t be afraid to call or text me. No explanation needed, I will try my best to come over. And if you aren’t able to handle things at work, I will gladly give you more time to finish your article. You are not obliged to ask or accept my help, but if you want it or need it I will have it at the ready for you. I just wanted you to know that.’’ Lena finally finishes, feeling like she has said way too much.

_ If it wasn’t obvious to anyone how head over heels in love she is with the blue eyed woman in front of her, it definitely is now. _

A single tear escapes from Kara’s left eye, sliding slowly down her cheek. 

There is so much tension in the air, coursing through both of their bodies. But is is different tension than before. It’s chemistry. 

Both women stare at each other through wide eyes, taking in the sight. 

Kara starts to lean in forward, stopping halfway towards Lena as if being pulled back from behind.

Lena feels her heart racing in her throat. Afraid of what may happen next, she leans backwards a bit. Just far enough so that she has a clear view on Kara’s face. 

_ Could it be..? _

Lena can’t finish that thought. Her mind has gone completely blank as Kara inches closer.

Lena is unable to move or react, and so she watches Kara move closer and closer towards her, feeling like she is lighting on fire but unable to run.

At the very last moment, when Lena can’t look Kara in the eye anymore because their faces are so close, Kara wraps her arms tightly around Lena’s body, embracing her in the most firm yet delicate way, and rests her head on Lena’s tense shoulder.

Lena forces herself to breathe, as she feels a rush of warmth and disappointment spread through her. She wraps her arms around Kara as well, holding the blonde as tight as possible, not caring whether she is squeezing too hard. If they weren’t going to kiss, Lena wanted a hug that would make them be just as close to each other. 

They sit like that for a while, holding on to each other, both failing to remember to breathe, heartbeats racing in sync. 

Lena loses herself in Kara’s touch, in the feeling of her warm body against her own. For a second she had thought Kara was about to kiss her. It was hanging in the air, and the way she was inching forward didn’t give an indication she was going for a platonic hug. But Lena must have mixed up her desires with reality. 

Kara has lost herself in the hug maybe even more than Lena, if that were even possible. Lena can feel Kara weighing down against her, not even trying to hold herself up but instead letting her whole body find comfort against Lena’s. She is squeezing hard, but at the same time there is a certain delicacy to Kara’s touch, as if she is afraid a squeeze at the wrong place would hurt Lena. And Lena decides she has never received a better hug in her life. 

She is therefore very disappointed when she hears a knock on the car window, realizing Frank is probably back with dinner. 

The two women break apart, making sure to give each other sweet and loving smiles as they do.

The front seat door opens and there is Frank, indeed, with a bag of deliciously smelling food. 

He takes his seat and gives hands the bag over to Lena, who eagerly takes it. 

“Thank you, Frank. I hope the waiting didn’t take too long.’’

“It was alright. Anyways, I amused myself by watching this one old lady eat. Her fork was quavering so much all the food had fallen off when it finally reached her mouth. It was a rather pitiful sight.’’

Lena laughs. “Did you order something for yourself?’’

“Yeah, it’s in the smaller bag.’’ Frank says as he pulls the door closed and starts the engine.

Lena takes out the paper bag containing Frank’s food and puts it on the front seat next to him. 

“Frank, would you mind to drive us straight to my place? You will be off for the rest of the night.’’ She says as she closes the big paper bag with food again, keeping her and Kara’s dinner as warm as possible. 

Frank nods and with that they drive off in the direction of Lena’s apartment. 

“The food smells soo good.’’ Kara says, obviously trying to compose herself as not to snatch the bag of food right out of Lena’s hands.

Lena can’t help but playfully cock an eyebrow.

“What will we do with Sam’s dinner?’’ Kara says, visibly licking her lips at the thought of what is inside the paper bag. 

Lena can’t help a little smirk and chuckle.

“Yes, you can have it, Kara.’’ Lena laughs as she locks eyes with an over enthusiastic but grateful Kara, who gives her a wide spread smile.

“You know me so well.’’ Kara says, a slight undertone in her voice that Lena can’t identify.

Lena gives Kara a smile. The air between them is clear again. Bubbly and cheery, just like it used to be. All Lena can do now is pray to God that it will stay that way.

They arrive at Lena’s apartment within ten minutes, having the luck that the worst traffic seems to be gone already, plus Frank’s ability to find the best shortcuts. 

Once the car stops, Lena wishes Frank a nice evening and her and Kara get out of the car. They walk up to the front door, and once Lena lets them in they both simultaneously head for the stairs instead of the elevator. 

Kara looks over to Lena from the corners of her eye to see whether the brunette will say something about this, but Lena considers it wise to keep her mouth shut and just appreciate the amount of insight she got into Kara’s wellbeing today. 

Once they arrive at the right floor, Lena leads both of them down the hallway to the entrance of her apartment, unlocking the door and allows Kara to enter first. 

Kara feels a bit uneasy, not having set foot in this apartment for a really long time. She feels like a stranger here. Lena senses Kara’s unease and quickly grabs the food bag from out of Kara’s hold, not allowing Kara the time to spiral down into negative thoughts again. 

“Do you want to eat it straight out of the bag, or should I grab you a plate?’’ She asks over her shoulder as she heads for the kitchen. 

Kara stays behind for a bit, taking her time to put her purse down. “Uhm, I’ll have a plate.’’ 

Lena takes out two plates from the kitchen cupboard and puts them on the kitchen island. She sets the bag on the table, taking out both her and Kara’s dinner, dividing them among the two plates. When she is done, she looks up to see Kara come walking towards her slowly, scanning the room anxiously and fidgeting with her hands, looking much like how she came walking up to her in CatCo right before she apologized. 

Lena stops in her tracks and can’t help but watch Kara shuffle closer. The blonde looks up at Lena and reaches her hand to readjust her glasses, giving Lena an awkward smile. Lena notices Kara’s shoulders are tense again. 

She doesn’t want to push Kara, and she knows one wrong word could make Kara lash out. So Lena decides to not mention it and just hand Kara her dinner, hoping the food will lift Kara’s mood again. She takes both the plates in her hands and walks around the kitchen island, facing Kara as she hands over her plate, and takes off towards the couch opposite of the TV near the window. 

“Let’s eat.’’ She says, settling down, watching Kara repeat after her in a slower pace than usual. 

She takes one bite and notices Kara still hasn’t touched her food whereas normally Kara would be halfway done by this time. Lena gets a little frustrated and can’t contain herself from saying something about it.

“Look, Kara, I get that you aren’t ready to open up and that you feel guilty about your behaviour, and I know I said I don’t want to push you, but can I just establish one rule with you?’’

Kara looks up a bit surprised. “Yeah, what is it?’’

“No beating yourself up over silly things in my apartment.’’

“It’s not silly-’’

“Yes, it is, Darling. As far as I’m concerned you didn’t do anything any other human wouldn’t have done, and so I just need you to stop punishing yourself.’’

A misplaced laugh escapes from Kara’s mouth.  _ If only Lena knew.. _

“I’m not..’’ Kara starts, but Lena cuts her off, remaining in a soft voice.

“Look, you’re hurting. I get that. And I get that it will make you lash out sometimes. And, yes, maybe you reacted a bit unfair towards me today, but you apologized and I accepted that apology so you can let it go now. It’s all good. We’re all good.’’ Lena puts her hand on Kara’s hand as she speaks the last sentence.

Kara exhales a deep breath. “You’re way too good for me, you know that?’’ 

“So are you for me. I guess we are a good match.’’ Lena can’t help the playful smile.

Kara feels a warmth spread through her body again and can’t resist laughing along with the wonderful woman seated beside her. 

With that, Kara seems to finally fully give in to Lena’s presence and to having a good time together. The two of them eat their dinner, joking and tease talking each other the way they used to always do. The air between them is clear again, just like it used to be. The two of them eating dinner, laughing, chatting about anything and everything. Being exceptionally touchy and making flirty remarks that make Lena wonder whether Kara knows what the boundaries between platonic and romantic relationships are. 

Kara finishes her own dinner, the dinner Sam initially ordered, and half of Lena’s dinner because Lena’s stomach is making so many somersaults she can’t eat any more. They have an exceptionally good time, the first time they really hang out again since Mon-El’s departure. And Kara can’t remember the last time she has laughed so much on one evening. They decide to not make it too late, though, because both of them have another busy workday ahead. And so Lena let’s Kara out at 10pm, reminding her of their ‘date’ at Kara’s favorite chinese restaurant tomorrow and telling her to text her when she gets home safely. 

This is the first night in what feels like forever that Kara has a decent amount of sleep and doesn’t dream about Mon-El or her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was Chapter 3!
> 
> I can't promise the next chapter will be up within a few weeks since I have another test week coming up at school, but I will try my best!
> 
> Catch me on Tumblr: dhjdb
> 
> For those of you who are interested, this is the Spotify playlist I made to listen to when I'm in need of inspiration for this story: https://open.spotify.com/user/ycloudt/playlist/5A785kH34x8ynXxH6lYEIb


	4. No armour could guard my heart from you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Supergirl surprises Lena and Kara and Lena finally go out on a 'date' again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops its been way too long..
> 
> If I have to make a whole list full of excuses as to why it has taken me 5 months (!) to finish this chapter, it would take you until tomorrow to even start the chapter. So I'll just keep it at I'm so so so sorry.
> 
> But here it is, finally!
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

Kara wakes up in an exceptionally good mood. A smile is already plastered on her face, and she has no trouble remembering why. 

 

Yesterday she had finally spent some time alone with Lena again. They had spent the whole evening together, just laughing and having a good time. Kara did not know how much she had missed Lena in the process of getting over Mon-El until yesterday. Lena’s magical presence seemed to be enough for her to forget about it all for a while. And even though Kara had promised herself not to get too close to Lena again, she knew she was not going to be able to hold up that promise. 

 

Lena had swept her off her feet on multiple occasions yesterday, catching her completely off guard. But somehow that made her feel so much better than pretending to be strong all the time. Even though she hated being caught off guard or unprepared, when Lena was the source of that she somehow didn’t mind. Instead, she almost hopes Lena would, in those moments, take advantage of Kara’s unguarded heart. She almost wants Lena to work her way in further, just so she has an excuse to stop pretending around Lena. If Lena already knows what’s going on, there is no need for Kara to keep on lying and pretending she is fine. 

 

But Lena has made it quite clear yesterday that she doesn’t mean to push Kara in any way. Kara has to admit she loves that soft and supportive side of Lena, but she knows she can never permit herself to come clean to Lena on her own. That way she would directly override her own rules. 

 

Kara wishes she could show Lena how appreciative she was of all her support and comfort. Even if the two of them were to just chat about nothing, Lena always made her feel better. Maybe that is why she was unable to keep her armour on around the woman. Maybe Lena made her forget about her pain and problems so much that she would also forget about her disdain towards Kara Danvers. Maybe when she was with Lena, being just Kara was enough. No Supergirl needed for Lena to admire and look up to Kara. 

 

One thing Kara knew for sure, was that she was not going to hurt Lena any more. At least not on purpose. Just because Kara was hurting, didn’t mean she had to share that fate with Lena. So she was not going to hurt the brunette on purpose any more than she already had, except for maybe the occasional sting here and there just to stop Lena from getting too far under Kara’s skin. 

 

As Kara gets out of bed and changes into her Super suit, she remembers tonight she will be having dinner with Lena again, who has made a reservation for the two of them at Kara’s favorite Chinese restaurant in town. Kara feels the corners of her lips curl up at the thought of this. She walks to the bathroom to quickly brush her teeth, and with that she heads over to her open bedroom window and leaps into the sky. 

 

The weather is great. It is warm, but not hot. The sun is already up, shining in a beautiful light on the city below Kara. The sky is cloudless, giving the impression that today is going to be a good day. 

 

She is flying high, literally and figuratively. She is looking down on the city, half consciously scanning for criminal activity, but she can’t seem to focus her mind. Kara keeps thinking of Lena and the amazing time they had together yesterday. She wonders, since all is quiet in National City at the moment, whether she should pay Lena a morning visit. She knows how much of a fan Lena is of Supergirl, and she can’t help but get excited at the idea of showing up on Lena’s apartment balcony. 

 

Kara flies in the direction of Lena’s apartment, still half mindedly scanning the city with her super senses. She zig zags in between the buildings, letting the cool air breathe away all her negative thoughts. She hasn’t felt this good in a really long time. 

 

When Kara can see Lena’s apartment, she spots a figure already standing on the balcony. As she comes closer, she identifies it as Lena. The brunette is standing in a white bathrobe, hair messy and undone, with a mug probably filled with coffee in her hand. Kara doubts for a second whether she should disturb the woman who is clearly enjoying the fine weather outside and giving herself the time to wake up slowly.  But her desires win from her the moment she notices Lena has already spotted her in the sky. 

 

She slows down and drops to the same height as Lena’s balcony, hovering just a few feet above the brunette. Lena looks mesmerized as she takes a step forward to lean on the edge of her balcony fence, keeping her eyes focussed on Kara.

 

“Good morning, Miss Luthor.’’ Kara speaks in her Supergirl voice, but smiles while she says the words. 

 

“Good morning indeed, Supergirl.’’ Lena replies with her lips half in a smile. For a moment Kara wonders if Lena spends her free time practicing to recreate the Mona Lisa smile. 

 

“It looks to be a good day, doesn’t it?’’ Kara says, as she lowers herself a bit more so that Lena won’t have to bend her neck too much.

 

“It certainly does. It must be nice up there on days like this.’’ Lena points up to the sky above them.

 

“Yeah, it is.’’ Kara says while letting out a sigh and looking up, recalling the beautiful views she has been able to see when flying up above the city.

 

“It seems magical to me even from here, but I’ll bet that the world looks even prettier when you are flying.’’ 

 

Lena is looking around her, taking in this morning’s view.

 

“It is not so much the sight, but more the feeling that is magical.’’ Kara says as she drops herself even lower, she points to the space on the balcony next to Lena, “May I?’’

 

“Sure!’’ Lena nods, stepping backwards a bit.

 

Kara lets her feet touch the ground, and stands next to Lena, leaning over the balcony fence with her elbows the same way Lena was doing a moment ago. She notices Lena’s heartbeat having picked up a bit of speed, and hopes by standing casually she will get Lena to relax a bit. She figures even Lena Luthor can feel a little intimidated from time to time, having a superhero drop by unexpected. Kara can’t suppress a slight smile.

 

“The feeling of flying, wind blowing through your hair and the sun on your face, watching all these people live their lives below you but not hearing them. It makes them seem like ants on a hill, all fighting their own battles and living their own lives. Yet while being so similar to each other. That’s what makes it magical.’’

 

Lena is looking at Kara intently, seemingly forgetting to continue breathing. Kara can feel the brunette’s eyes burning on her cheek, while looking out over the city herself.

 

“It brings you perspective.’’ Kara continues, knowing Lena is completely fascinated by what she is saying. “It reminds you that, even though you may feel like you have been through more than others, like no one will ever be able to understand you, we are all still the same in a way. We are all equals. And maybe we don’t all go through the same things, but we all learn the same lessons in life, one way or another. Some a little earlier than others, and everyone learns in a different way, having had different experiences. But it all comes down to the same thing.’’

 

Kara looks at Lena now, meeting an expression of complete astonishment and idolization. 

 

“That is beautiful.’’ Lena says in a soft voice.

 

Kara notices herself getting warm.

 

“Well, it’s the truth.’’ She says smiling, not breaking eye contact with Lena.

 

“But you must feel like a stranger here sometimes. Like even though everyone is fighting their own battles, no one will ever fight the ones you have fought. I mean, none of us were forced to leave their whole  _ world _ behind and start a new life on the other side of the universe.’’ Lena laughs a bit nervously while speaking the last sentence, not sure whether it is her place to be asking these things of Supergirl. 

 

“I do, sometimes. But luckily I have a lot of great people around me who make me feel at home on this planet. And I have some alien friends who have been through similar things.’’ Kara thinks of J’onn and his past. She thinks of Mon-El as well, and of the way he had helped her. Somehow, being here with Lena gave her the strength to think of him without feeling incomplete. 

 

Kara can’t help but put on a broad smile. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m afraid I really am not that unique.’’ She laughs.

 

Lena laughs along, “Then you just happen to be the only alien who is willing to risk her life for a planet she wasn’t even born on. I guess that’s still pretty unique.’’ Lena gives Kara a wink as her face forms a smirk, and Kara has to inhale a sharp breath before she can laugh at the comment. 

 

They look out over the city in silence for a moment, when an idea strikes Kara that goes against all the rules she had set for herself, and she is probably going to regret saying. 

 

“If you want, I could fly you up there. You can experience what I mean for yourself.’’ 

 

Lena is a little shocked by this proposal, and loses control of her body for a second, staring at Supergirl with her mouth open. She quickly recaptures herself and lets out a flustered laugh. 

 

“Oh, no. I have been up in your arms while you were flying way too often for my liking.’’ She laughs.

 

“Those were very different circumstances, and we were in a bit of time shortage so I was flying a little fast.’’ Kara says defensively.

 

“A little? Honestly I was afraid my head was going to get lose from my neck because of your speed!’’ Lena laughs, and Kara can’t help but laugh along guiltily. “Plus I have a general dislike towards flying so there has to be a really special occasion if you want to get me up in the air voluntarily.’’ 

 

Kara turns so she is directly facing Lena, losing herself in the moment. She reaches out a hand for Lena to take.

“Does this qualify as a special occasion?’’ 

 

Lena stands frozen for a while, looking from the hand held out towards her to Kara’s face, trying to read her expression. 

 

“I promise I will be very careful and fly slowly.’’ 

 

Lena puts on a pensive expression, “And if you drop me-,’’

 

“I won’t drop you.’’

 

Lena takes a hesitant step towards Kara, setting her coffee mug on the edge of her balcony, but still not taking Kara’s hand.

 

“I promise.’’ Kara insists, and with that Lena finally takes her hand. 

 

“I am probably going to regret this.’’ Lena laughs to herself, as she leans into Kara’s touch a bit, taking another step forward.

 

“Oh, don’t be silly.’’ Kara laughs, she takes hold of Lena’s other hand and pulls her even closer towards her so that their upper bodies are touching. “Now, stand on my feet and just hold on tight to my hands. I promise I won’t drop you.’’ 

 

Lena does as Kara says, standing with her toes on Kara’s feet, while the blonde notices how fast Lena’s heart is beating. 

 

“If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can also wrap one arm around my waist.’’ Kara says.

 

Lena doesn’t wait to let go of one of Kara’s hands and wrap her arm tightly around Kara’s waist. Kara moves her hand to hold Lena’s waist as well, placing it firmly on Lena’s back, determined not to drop her, while also trying to not pull too hard. 

 

Lena can’t help but feel the abs of the superhero holding her tight through her suit. She is very conscious of how close they are, chests touching, and she smells the amazing scent of Supergirl, which seems oddly familiar to her. 

 

“Are you ready?’’ Kara asks, her voice wavering a bit as she tries to ignore the warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach.

 

“I think so.’’ Lena lets out another nervous laugh.

 

With that, Kara carefully pushes her feet off the ground, hovering only a few centimetres above the balcony at first just to let Lena get used to the feeling. 

 

Lena clings onto Kara’s body even tighter, making Kara’s heart skip a beat.

 

Kara forces herself not to notice this, however, and focusses all her senses on making sure Lena is comfortable and will have the best experience possible. 

 

Lena is breathing deep breaths, in the same way Kara was yesterday when she was feeling claustrophobic while in the elevator with Lena and Sam. Kara stays only just above the balcony until she notices Lena’s breathing slowing down, giving her the sign Lena has calmed down a bit.

 

“I am going to fly upwards now.’’ She says, and she feels Lena grasp a tighter hold again in response.

 

“Just go slow.’’

 

And Kara does. She rises to a few feet above the balcony in the same speed as a feather slowly making its way towards the ground, moving as slow and delicate as she can. 

 

“See, it’s not so bad.’’ Kara says through a smile, hoping this will keep Lena calm.

 

Lena carefully looks down to see how far up from the balcony they are, and lets out a gasping laugh. Kara watches Lena’s face, only inches away from her own, relax a bit and sees a twinkle in her green eyes. Lena is enjoying this.

 

Kara gives Lena the time to look around her and get used to the sensation of hanging loose in the air with the wind blowing softly against them from every direction. 

 

“I’m going to go higher now.’’ Kara says after a while.

 

“Okay.’’ Lena says, reforming her grip on Kara’s hand.

 

Kara flies them up again at the slowest pace possible, focussing hard as not to make any sudden movements that Lena wouldn’t appreciate. They ascent until they have reached the top of the building of Lena’s apartment. Kara holds on to Lena tight, but loosens her grip a bit after having come to a halt again in order to give Lena the space to look around if she wants.

 

Lena is holding her breath, but her body feels relaxed, having surrendered to Supergirl’s promise that she won’t drop her. Kara watches Lena look around her, above her, and below her, letting out another excited gasp when she sees how high they are. The people down on the street are small, but still distinguishable as people. They are high enough to see everything move at a slower pace, but they haven’t yet passed the tops of the highest skyscrapers in National City. They haven’t yet passed L-Corp or CatCo, or the other tall buildings. And Kara really wants Lena to experience the sense of really being on top of it all, being able to look down on the whole city below her. 

 

“I’m going to fly further up again.’’ She says, waiting for Lena to nod before she actually does.

 

They rise through the air even further, Lena looking around her in pure astonishment and delight. Kara feels her own lips curl up again while she is watching the brunette enjoy this experience, watching her take in every moment of it.

 

Kara flies them up, finally passing even the tops of the highest building in the city. She keeps going, stopping only when they pass the first few clouds. They are probably about eighty feet above the roof of the tallest building, and finally Lena can see what Kara means when she looks down.

 

Lena’s heart is still racing in her chest, but her body is not tense anymore. She has completely forgotten her reasons about how anxious she was to do this, and has even loosened her grip on Supergirl’s hand in order to turn her head better and admire the view in every direction. Yet she is still holding on tight to the superhero’s waist. 

 

“It’s beautiful.’’ Lena finally says.

 

“It is, isn’t it?’’ Kara agrees, still smiling while she is watching the woman clinging on to her every move. The sunlight makes Lena look breathtakingly beautiful, accentuating Lena’s incredible green eyes, making them shine like emeralds. And in that very moment, Kara feels a rush of warmth paired with chills spread through her body. She feels completely reborn. 

 

“Look, there is CatCo!’’ Lena speaks in excitement, letting go of Kara’s hand without thinking twice about it and pointing in the direction of her newly owned company, visibly proud of herself for having spotted it from so far away.

 

Kara nods, still wearing a broad smile, as she feels something tingling in her stomach at the thought of Lena enjoying this in the same way a six year old child would.

 

“And there is L-Corp.’’ Kara slowly turns her body in the air, moving as delicately as possible again, so that Lena can see L-Corp as well and points towards the building that she would be able to spot from anywhere in National City. 

 

Lena lets out an exciting laugh, grabbing hold of Kara’s hand again as she looks in the direction of the building owned entirely by her. She looks down now, taking in everything below them.

 

“Huh. They really do look like ants.’’ She laughs in amazement, letting herself get carried away as she is studying the city underneath her, watching all the people walk around far below them. 

 

Kara lets out a chuckle. “I told you.’’

 

Lena looks up towards Kara’s face again, capturing Kara’s gaze.

“Thank you. I can not even begin to describe how amazing this is. It’s truly breathtaking.’’ 

 

“It’s nothing.’’ Kara tries to come off composed, but she is melting for the beautiful woman standing on her toes, and knows Lena can tell that she is flustered. 

 

“You’re an amazing person. I wish everyone knew that you deserve the name Supergirl in every way.’’ Lena’s voice is affectionate, making Kara’s stomach warm again. 

 

“Likewise, I wish everyone would stop doubting you when you helped me save the world. That was a very brave thing of you to do. Without you I couldn’t have done it.’’ Kara says.

 

Lena looks down and lets out a kind of sad laugh. “I’m used to it by now, so it doesn’t bother me as much.’’

 

“Still-’’ Kara wants to persist, but Lena looks up again, and the moment their eyes meet Kara falls silent, unable to speak another word. So she just smiles.

 

“This has been the most wonderful way to start off my day, so thank you, Supergirl.” Lena says in a more confident tone now.

 

“You’re welcome.’’ Kara replies, trying to regain her Supergirl voice as well now that Lena has spoken up.

 

“-But I fear I really should go change into something a little more appropriate for work. I don’t think I will make a good impression on my second day at CatCo if I show up last minute in just a bathrobe.’’

 

Kara feels her heartbeat stutter.  _ She had completely forgotten about the fact that Lena was still wearing only a bathrobe.  _ She suddenly feels the position they are in is uttermost inappropriate. 

 

“Right. I will, um, get you back down to your balcony as safe and as fast as possible.’’ She says, trying very hard not to stumble over her words. 

 

“You can leave the fast part out.’’ Lena teases her.

 

Kara can’t help but let out another flustered laugh, trying to make it sound like a normal laugh while slowly beginning to descent again. 

 

It takes them a lot shorter to get back to the balcony than it did for them to rise up to where they were just a moment ago. When Kara feels her own feet hit the ground again, she lets go of her tight hold on Lena, allowing the brunette to step from Kara’s feet onto the ground as well. 

 

“Well, have a good day at work today.’’ Kara says with a nod.

 

“Thank you. You too. Go save the city.’’ Lena says through a smile.

 

“I will try my best to save as many people as possible.’’ Kara laughs. Lena joins in, as she grabs her coffee mug off the edge of the balcony. 

 

“Well, my coffee has gone cold and I really need to get ready for work. But it was lovely seeing you again, and of course thanks again for letting me fly with you.’’ Lena says.

 

“Yes, it was lovely to see you too. And it was no trouble, I’m glad you liked it.’’ Kara replies.

 

“Have a good day, Supergirl. Enjoy the weather.’’ Lena says with a slight smirk on her face as she starts to walk in the direction of her apartment door. 

 

“You too, Miss Luthor. Say hi to Kara Danvers for me.’’ Kara says with wink, and with that she takes off into the sky again, asking herself why in the holy hell she added that wink in the end. 

 

She flies away from Lena’s apartment, making one more patrol around the city to see if there is something she can do. But when she finds nothing she returns to her own apartment. 

 

_ Why did she wink at Lena?  _ Kara can’t even comprehend herself. It was a reckless and stupid thing to do. People who wink at somebody are usually flirting, and she wasn’t flirting with Lena.  _ Was she? _

 

Kara throws herself on the couch in her apartment, not bothering to get ready for work yet or get out of her Supersuit. She knows she can get ready within a few seconds if she wants to, so she doesn’t worry about that. What she does worry about is the impression she might have given Lena. 

 

Lena is a smart woman who can stand her ground and isn’t easily intimidated. She has even admitted to Kara she had tried to flirt with Supergirl on several occasions. Kara worries that, now that Lena might perceive that wink as Supergirl flirting back, Lena would try that again. 

 

Of course, there is no crime in flirting with Supergirl. But it did make Kara feel very uneasy, knowing her best friend might be after her own alter ego. She was afraid it would complicate things. Especially when the time to tell Lena about it all would come around. Lena would be faced with the fact that she had been flirting with Kara as Supergirl. With her best friend as Supergirl. 

 

One thing that helped a little bit, was that Kara was always completely clueless whenever Lena was actually flirting with Supergirl. Kara was always clueless when it comes to flirting. 

 

Alex had commented on her relationship with Lena once, saying the tease talking between the two of them was even worse than between her and Maggie. Kara had burst out laughing, feeling actual tears prick behind her eyes and her stomach hurt from how hysterically she was laughing. Because there was no way in hell that Lena would ever flirt with  _ Kara Danvers _ . Absolutely no way. They just happened to be playful with each other at times. 

 

Kara closes her eyes and relaxes her head back, slouching on the couch. She doesn’t feel like gathering the energy to get up yet, so she stays for a while, letting her thoughts run wild for a bit. 

 

She lets her mind dwell on Lena a little more, not taking notice of the footsteps approaching her apartment. She is so carried away in her thoughts, that she doesn’t pick up on somebody standing outside her apartment door until she hears a knock. 

 

Kara takes that as her queue to get up from the couch and start getting ready for work, and as she walks over to the bathroom, she yells for the person standing outside to come in, assuming it’s Alex.

 

“The door is open, I’m just in the bathroom for a minute!’’ She doesn’t even bother to use her x-ray vision to check whether it really is Alex. And maybe she should have. 

 

Just when Kara disappears out of view from the entrance door and walks into her bathroom, an all too familiar voice fills the void of her apartment, making a shiver run down Kara’s spine all the way down her body to the tip of her toes. It’s a voice which she has heard before today, only a little while ago. A voice which she loves to hear, anytime, and cherishes whenever it invades her superears. Except for now.

 

“Oh my God, Kara, you will never guess what just happened!’’ An overexcited Lena bursts into the room, leaving her bag on the stand near Kara’s wardrobe. 

 

Kara feels her lungs malfunction as she gulps for air, and her eyes widen as a shockwave spreads through her entire body.  _ She was still dressed like Supergirl.. _ She stands pinned to the ground for a split second, unable to move, but she quickly forces herself to run the remaining few steps to the bathroom in superspeed and shut the door behind her. She looks around in a panic, not sure what she is looking for, when she spots her dress hanging off a coat hanger. She rushes through the bathroom and quickly changes into the cotton candy pink dress, puts her hair back, within the span of a few seconds. 

 

With that she takes a few deep breaths, regaining control of her body, and opens the bathroom door to walk into the living room. 

 

Lena has taken a seat on Kara’s couch, at the exact spot where Kara was just sitting a few moments ago. She smiles excitedly when she spots Kara, and Kara tries to return the smile. 

 

“So, guess what happened.’’ She says through an admittedly adorable big smile. 

 

“What?’’ Kara says, trying to sound eager to learn more.

 

“No, you have to guess.’’ Lena says.

 

“Uhm-’’ But before Kara can speak just one sentence, Lena interupts her.

 

“Oh, you’ll never guess it anyway. I’ll just tell you.’’ Lena makes a little hop on the couch, unable to contain her obvious excitement even just a bit. 

 

Kara slowly walks up to Lena, feeling extremely self-conscious. Not only of herself, but also of her alter ego. She is having a lot of difficulty trying to pretend Lena didn’t just almost find out about her being Supergirl. Because Lena had literally been just a second away from uncovering the truth. If Kara hadn’t chosen to get up at the exact moment she heard a knock on her front door, the two of them would be having a very different conversation right now. 

 

Kara waits for Lena to continue talking, when suddenly Lena reaches out her hand towards Kara, holding something in it. Once again, Kara feels her whole body freeze and her lungs falter. There, in the palm of Lena’s hand, lie Kara’s  _ glasses. _

 

Almost unable to keep herself from using her superspeed, Kara quickly snatches her glasses out of Lena’s hand and puts them on her nose, mumbling a timid thanks while doing so.

 

Lena seems to be too caught up in her story to notice Kara’s unease and look at Kara properly for long enough to have noticed anything.

 

“So I was just on my balcony this morning, drinking some coffee and enjoying the view. The weather is great today so I was wearing only a bathrobe over my pyjamas, leaning over the edge and looking out over the city and watching the sun rise.’’

 

_ Thank Rao! She had been wearing pyjamas under her bathrobe. _

 

“-when suddenly I saw this shape flying through the air, and of course I immediately recognised it as Supergirl.’’ Lena continues, oblivious to Kara’s weird atmosphere.

 

“You did, huh?’’ Kara tries to come off as normal and interested as possible while she is lecturing herself in her head how this was literally one of the worst things she could have done. She had made such a big mistake, letting Lena get this close.

 

“Of course I did, you know I would recognize that woman anywhere.’’ Lena gives Kara a look, and Kara awkwardly reaches her hand to readjust her glasses.

 

“Anyways, so I spotted her flying in between the buildings and she was heading straight for my apartment. She stopped and hovered in front of my balcony for a while and we had a chat about the weather. After a few moments she landed next to me and started telling me all about how amazing flying was and how it made her feel, and I was like, ‘better you than me’ because as you know I hate flying.’’ 

 

Lena barely takes time to breathe in between the sentences, and if Kara hadn’t actually been there when all of this happened, Lena’s story would have been incredulous and incoherent.

 

“And then she proposed to fly me so that I could experience it for myself and, oh my God, Kara, those abs! Her arms! She is so incredibly strong!’’ Lena is losing herself in the story completely. But she doesn’t suppress it at all. Instead she lets herself relive the moment completely, knowing Kara won’t judge her.

 

But Kara does feel a weird mixture of feelings. She feels warm, and is convinced she could light on fire any moment. But she isn’t sure whether this is because Lena Luthor is complementing on her body, or because of how at unease she feels. Or should feel. Because now that Kara thinks of it, she feels suspiciously comfortable with everything that Lena is saying. 

 

“-And I know she has flown me before but it was never like this, Kara.’’ Lena continues. “She never actually took the time to get me comfortable because it was always a life or death situation. And I can tell you this, if my life doesn’t depend on it, I might actually enjoy being flown by Supergirl.’’

 

“Would you really?’’ Kara manages.

 

“Oh, definitely. In fact, Supergirl is the only person that could make me  _ like  _ flying.’’

 

By now, Kara has to try hard not to smile broadly or blush uncontrollably. But she fails and Lena notices her suppressed grin.

 

“Are you laughing at me?’’ The brunette gives Kara a daring look.

 

“No, no! Of course not! I would never!’’ Kara holds up her arms as if to surrender, but she can’t help the broad smile that sneaks onto her face while she speaks. 

 

“Yes, you are!’’ Lena obviously doesn’t mind, though. She just sees this as an opportunity to tease Kara.

 

“Be careful there, Miss Danvers, or I might fire you for making fun of your boss.’’

 

By now Kara is really laughing, getting rid of all the worries that were previously in her mind and letting herself get carried away in Lena’s presence.

 

“Well, you’ve seen me when I was unemployed and that wasn’t good. So you would have to come over a lot to keep me from grief baking.’’ Kara teases back.

 

“Oh don’t you worry. I will stop by regularly to force you into eating healthy for a change.’’

 

“As long as there is no kale involved!’’ Kara laughs.

 

“Only the best kale for my lost ace reporter.’’ Lena gives Kara a smirk.

 

“Ah, see, you wouldn’t be able to fire me, because you would have lost your favorite ace reporter.’’ 

 

“Hmm, you’re right. How would CatCo survive without you?’’ 

 

The two of them burst into laughter, and Kara lets herself collapse on the couch next to Lena. 

 

“But honestly, though. Supergirl’s arms are a work of art. Someone should frame them.’’

 

“Now that would make it kind of hard for Supergirl to keep doing her job.’’ Kara replies.

 

“Hmm, I suppose.’’ Lena fakes a look of disappointment, making Kara laugh once again. She absolutely adores the sound of it, and she wishes she could play it on a loop, hear it every morning as she awakes as consistent as the birds whistle in the trees outside to greet the morning sun. 

 

“What’s the time?’’ Lena says while she takes out her phone to answer her own question.

 

“Time to go to work, it seems.” Kara replies when she sees the screen of Lena’s phone display 7:43 AM.

 

They both make to get ready, Kara collecting her purse and all her work stuff.

 

“My driver is outside, I can give you a lift if you like.” Lena says.

 

“Great!” 

 

And with that Kara and Lena take off, Kara locking her apartment behind her. 

  
  


                                                                 ~

  
  


Their work day passes quickly with little inconveniences or troubles. Kara isn’t called in to the DEO once, which means she is able to have a quiet day at work for once, making Lena’s suspicions fade away. Before they know it, the two of them have to get ready for their dinner at Kara’s favorite Chinese restaurant. 

 

Once Kara is done with all her work, she waits for Lena to get out of a meeting to inform the brunette she will go home to prepare for their dinner. Kara takes a seat at her desk and scans the room every few minutes, looking for Lena. 

 

After a while, James comes up to her with a frown on his face.

 

“Kara, what are you still doing here? I thought you were off, like, half an hour ago?’’

 

“Oh, I’m waiting for Lena. She’s in a meeting.’’

 

“I know, but that meeting ended ten minutes ago.’’ James had a questioning look on his face.

 

“It did? Well, then she will be here any minute.’’ Kara scans the room again but finds no sign of Lena. She is, for a second, tempted to use her superhearing in order to locate Lena, but is reluctant to do so in the end. It’s none of Kara’s business whether Lena heads straight to Kara after a meeting or if she wants a little bit of time to herself. And Kara feels stupid for having even thought of using her superhearing.

 

“You can manage to get home by yourself, right? You don’t need Lena for that.’’ James states with a slight tone of ignorance in his voice. Kara gives him a look and he stares at her as if convinced he has done nothing wrong.

 

“What?’’ He tries.

Kara sighs. However nice of a guy James is, and even though he is incredibly special to her, she hates it when he acts this way. Especially when it is about Lena.

 

“You’re right, I don’t need Lena to get home. But we are going to that Chinese restaurant tonight, and I need to tell her I am going home to get ready.’’

 

James face hardens as he clenches his jaw. “You’re going out with Lena?’’ His voice is calm but the disapproval in his face is apparent.

 

“Yes. Is that a problem?’’ Kara asks as she stars packing her stuff into her purse. She wants to get out of here, away from James and his negative energy. She is feeling really good for the first time in months and she doesn’t want him to spoil that for her.

 

“No. Not a problem. At all.” 

 

Kara gives James a glare, but his face remains cold. Kara feels her mood swift. Anger is making its way up. Suppressed anger that she knows is not about James, but now makes her feel like directing it towards him.

 

“I thought you would be happy for me. You know, because I am finally putting myself out there again. Trying to be human.’’ Kara replies in a voice as cold as his.

 

“So you are actually going on a date with her now?’’

 

Kara snaps. She feels the dark thoughts and feelings dreading in her head and stomach. Everything feels heavy all of the sudden. So does the anger she is carrying. She needs to let it out. She needs to let some anger out.

 

“No, James, I am not going on a date with her. Lena is my best friend who, as opposed to you, has given me the space to grieve at my own pace. And now she is willing to take me out to my favorite restaurant in town to make me feel better. So if you will excuse me, please, I have to find her.’’ With that Kara grabs her purse and starts to walk passed James, only to find Lena standing just behind him.  _ How did her super senses not pick up on her? _

 

“Lena!’’ Kara says when her eyes meet the green ones that belong to Lena, somehow all the anger in her body seems to fade away within a second. “I was just about to go looking for you.’’ 

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry for being a bit late. I had to ask an intern for some help with putting all the paperwork back into the right folders.’’ Lena said while scanning both Kara’s and James’ face.

 

“Oh, that’s okay. I just wanted to say that I’m going to go home to get ready for dinner. What time do you reckon you’ll be done here?’’

 

James lets out an irritated sigh behind Kara, which Kara deliberately ignores, but which has Lena put on a questioning face.

 

“Actually I might run a little late, so I won’t be going home in the mean time to get ready. But I can have my driver pick you up at eight?’’ 

 

“Yeah, that’s perfect!’’ Kara smiles, and Lena can’t help but return the smile. She does sense some very strong tension between Kara and James, and decides to ask about it, feeling worried for Kara.

 

“Is everything okay here?’’

 

“Yeah, fine.’’ Kara says.

“-Perfect.’’ James scoffs.

 

Another sigh from Kara. She feels the anger returning again and has to clench her fists and jaw to an attempt not to say anything. She does not want to get rid of that anger now, not when Lena is here. She tries to change the subject.

 

“If you’re not changing clothes, I don’t think I will either. It’s just been a long day and I want to wear something which does not suppress my belly when I am eating.’’ Kara jokes to the brunette. Lena lets out a laugh and nods, giving Kara an affectionate glance.

 

“So you’re just going to pretend I don’t exist now?’’ James interrupts again, and Kara immediately feels the heat rising in her body.

 

“James, don’t-’’

 

“No, Kara. No. You don’t get to just ignore me like that. You shut me out for six months, kept telling me you were completely fine and now you run of with  _ her _ while saying she has helped you get through a hard time and I haven’t. You don’t get to do that. I have been here for you and I have had my arms wide open. You don’t get to walk past me into her arms and say I never reached for your hand.’’ The anger in his voice was clear, but he was talking hushed, not too eager to create a scene.

 

Lena had to swallow hard and decided it was best for her to say nothing and let Kara and James sort this out. But Kara was not in the mood for this right now.

 

“I don’t have time for this, James.’’ She said while walking away again, motioning for Lena to follow.

 

“That is the whole point. You never have time for me.’’ James follows her.

 

“That is not true and you know it.’’ Kara speaks in a firm voice.

 

“Yes, it is. You never have time for anyone else but Lena. It’s always Lena. Whenever Alex, Winn or me tries to ask about you, you brush us off, saying you either have work, Lena or Sup-’’

 

Kara turns around in a split second, so fast Lena is almost sure she wasn’t even able to see Kara turn. The blonde was just suddenly walking the other way. And Kara’s face is in an expression Lena had never seen before. Her eyes are screaming emotion. Anger and frustration is almost shooting out of them.  _ Almost _ as if they could generate heat vision. Almost. The glasses make Kara’s eyes look just too innocent for that. But the look Kara is giving James is one of death, and James obviously knows he has crossed a line. 

 

He looks at Kara guilty, his face in surrender to Kara’s anger, and holds up his hands to apologize.

 

“I’m sorry.’’ His voice sounds weak. It’s almost inaudible.

 

Kara takes a deep breath in an attempt to gather herself, and decides it is best to continue this conversation when James and Kara are alone. 

 

“We will talk about this later. Meanwhile, I am going to go out for dinner together with Lena. You can sit here and pine about letting your jealousy bring out the worst in you, because this is not the James Olsen I know.’’ Kara speaks harsh but hushed. Like a teacher preaching to a child to consider what they have done while not telling them exactly what it is they did wrong. Once she is done talking, she starts walking away again. Lena follows.

 

Kara is pacing rigidly through the room. She has to take a few deep breaths before she has calmed herself enough to speak again.

 

“I’m sorry, Lena. He is not usually like that.’’

 

Lena knowing pretty well how James must feel, having felt the same jealousy when she was just starting to get to know Kara and her and James, Winn and Alex (and Mon-El) seemed to form some sort of secret pact.

 

“It’s fine, really. I can’t blame him.’’

 

“What? Why?’’ Kara looks sideways towards the brunette walking by her side. 

 

“Kara, you are one of the most wonderful people I know. I know I would be jealous if you would find a new best friend in the near future and stopped talking to me.’’ Lena admits.

 

A slight smile creeps up on Kara’s face. “Not going to happen.’’ She says and she can’t help but grin. Lena can’t help but smile along while she glances at the woman she adores so much walking beside her.

 

“Now, I am going home to take a quick shower. And you will come pick me up at eight?’’

 

“Yes, that sounds like a plan.’’ Lena nods and gives Kara a loving smile.

 

“I’ll see you in a bit, then.’’ Kara smiles while they say goodbye to each other, and turns around to walk in the direction of the stairs. She might stay clear from that elevator for the whole week.

 

Kara walks down all the stairs to the ground level and paces in the direction of the exit of the building. Once she is outside, she walks for a bit before turning into a small alley to change into her Supersuit and take off into the sky. 

 

She makes a quick patrol around the city and heads to her apartment afterwards. Once she is there, she hangs around at the couch for a bit to let everything that happened that day sink in. A lot had happened in those last few minutes at work. 

 

James is really getting on Kara’s nerves. She understands where he was coming from today, and maybe he had a point, but he was starting to annoy Kara so much. And he was obviously jealous of Lena, which made Kara want to gravitate towards Lena even more. This wasn’t how James usually acts. It was out of character for him. And it was understandable that James would be jealous about the fact that Kara was able to keep her guard up around him but not around Lena. Kara could wrap her head around that. But for James to comment on their dinner date as them going out on an actual  _ date _ ? He had no right. And it made Kara angry for two reasons.

 

It made Kara angry because Lena is her best friend and is an amazing human being, and she is sure James knows that as well. He is just looking for an excuse, any excuse, to justify his jealousy.

 

And secondly it made Kara angry because he has no right to take concern in who she is dating. Even if he is only trying to protect her, even if his intentions were good, which they were not. He has no right to tell her Lena is not good enough for her to go out on a date with. Just like with Mon-El, no one will decide whether somebody is good enough for Kara but Kara. So if Kara and Lena were going out on a date, James had no right saying that Lena wasn’t good enough for Kara to go out with. In fact, Kara considers herself lucky to be going out with Lena. Not that they were actually going out on a  _ real _ date.. Right?

 

_ Right? _ Kara allows herself to dwell on this question a bit more. The possibility of this being a real date does intrigue her. Maybe Lena had meant for all their lunch and dinner dates to be real dates all along.. Maybe Kara had been too naive again.. But then again, why in the world would Lena Luthor want to go out with Kara Danvers? No, Kara was sure these dates, or appointments rather, for brunch, lunch and dinner were meant solely platonic. They were best friends, and this is what best friends do. They are there for each other, bring each other lunch, stop by at each other’s work to cheer the other up, help each other through hard times, go out on dinner dates, catch the other in bridal style, buy companies for the other.. Kara snaps herself out of that train of thought. She blocks it, folds it up and hides it deep in the back of her mind. Shoving it as deep inside of her as possible. She won’t allow herself to ever go down that thought train again. 

Ever. 

 

Kara gets up from the couch. She walks over to the bathroom and takes a quick shower. When she is done, she puts on a bathrobe and starts brushing her teeth. She looks through her clothing rack in search for something casual, but not too casual. Something a little fancy, but not too fancy. She doesn’t want Lena to think she went through a lot of trouble getting ready, while she also doesn’t want to look like a slob who just got out of work. 

 

This is Kara and Lena’s first time having dinner in a restaurant again since Mon-El left. Kara wants for this to be a good night. A night that will make her feel the way she used to feel. She wants this night to give her hope again. She wants to fall asleep and not dream of Mon-El and her mother tonight. She wants this night to heal her a bit. She wants Lena to heal her. She wants to be around Lena and she wants to allow herself to let Lena mend her so that she can forget all the pain. 

 

She wants to wear the perfect outfit. She wants to look stunning so that, maybe, just maybe, she will throw Lena off her feet. She wants to look as beautiful as Lena always does. She wants the paparazzi that will undoubtedly follow them to the restaurant to have pictures of them in which Kara actually looks like a match for Lena for a change. That’s what she wants.

 

But she also knows another thing. She knows it is wise to not attract too much attention to Kara Danvers. She knows it is wise to keep Kara Danvers as the underdog who happens to be the lucky reporter that Lena Luthor hangs out with. She knows she needs for Kara to keep a low profile in order to protect her Supergirl identity. So she can’t show up in a stunning dress that will blow Lena’s mind, because that way she would draw attention to herself. 

 

And so she goes for a blue dress with stripes on it. A dress that is not too fancy, but rather casual. Something she would also wear to work on one of her good days. She walks over to the mirror and takes two strands of hair that she tightens together at the back of her head, making sure all of her hair stays behind her ears. 

 

After putting on some quick makeup, Kara goes back to the couch. She takes out her phone and sends Lena a text. 

 

**Kara:** I’m all done. Let me know when you are on your way!

 

It only takes Lena a few minutes to reply.

 

**Lena:** Almost done! The chef texted me saying we can have the VIP lounge if we are there at 8. Can u meet me there?

  
  


Kara smiles down at her screen. Lena is always so keen on getting them the VIP lounge to impress Kara, even though Kara knows that Lena doesn’t put that much value into being a VIP. She just likes to give Kara the experience of luxury since Kara could never afford any of that stuff. 

 

The blonde collects her stuff, puts on her coat and leaves her apartment. She walks outside and starts heading towards the Chinese restaurant. She keeps her senses on alert but finds no sign of any criminal activity throughout her whole walk to the restaurant. Kara is surprised by how little bad things have been going on in National City during the last few days.

 

She arrives at the restaurant after about twenty minutes. She spots Lena’s car just pulling up at the side of the road and waits for the brunette to get out of the car.

 

“Perfect timing, am I right?’’ Lena greets Kara as she gets out of the car and walks up the her. 

 

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Kara smiles back at Lena. 

 

They walk towards the entrance together and have the door opened for them by a waiter. He greets Lena, saying the chef has kept the VIP lounge reserved for them. Lena thanks him as they hand him their coats and walk further into the restaurant. Lena leads them to the VIP table reserved for them.

 

“So, how was your second day at CatCo?” Kara asks with a smile as they sit down.

 

A smirk spreads across Lena’s face. “Better than the first one. I think I may actually like running a media empire.”

 

“What, did you think you wouldn’t like it?” Kara asks in concern.

 

“No, it’s not that. I just wasn’t sure it was cut out for me.” A waiter interrupts their conversation for a moment by bringing them the menu.

 

“Hmm, yeah, you are more of the science type.” Kara jokes once the waiter has left. 

This was another thing that made Kara so fond of Lena. The brunette was incredibly smart. She understood so much more about science than the average human being. And Kara having been taught very high science on Krypton and thus being the literal definition of a science nerd, found this very refreshing. Lena’s knowledge of physics, chemistry and all things in between was better than Alex’, which made Kara very excited. But she could never let it show. Which was hard. It was hard to pretend she didn’t know what Lena was talking about when she knows exactly what all the numbers mean.

 

Lena just laughs in response to Kara’s comment. “Well, I am sure I will start missing all the science stuff within a few weeks. But for now it feels good to be away from all those formulas for a bit.”

 

“I hope you will like it at CatCo as well. It would be amazing to work with my best friend. If  _ some _ people would just treat you a bit more welcoming, I’m sure you will love it.” Kara says. She is studying the menu intently, avoiding eye contact with Lena.

 

Lena looks up from her menu. She studies Kara for a bit before answering.

“I am used to not receiving a warm welcome, Kara. I’ll be fine.”

 

“Yeah, but still. I think it’s very unprofessional.”

 

“Are you talking about James?” Lena asks in a careful voice, not sure Kara wants to press this exact subject. But it seems like Kara does.

 

“It’s just so not like him to be acting this way.” Kara says as she finally tears her eyes away from the menu. “I mean, I get it. He’s jealous. But that never caused him to start acting like a jerk all of the sudden before.”

 

“Maybe it’s just the pressure of work getting to him.” Lena tries.

 

Kara frowns as she looks Lena straight in the eye. “You know, he was basically talking bad about you the whole time. You don’t have to make excuses for him.”

 

“I’m not making excuses for  _ him _ , I’m making excuses for  _ you. _ You seem pretty upset with him so I want to make you feel a little better about it.”

 

Kara can’t help but stare at Lena.

“You are honestly one of the purest human beings I have ever met, did you know that? Like I said earlier today, I wish the world would stop doubting you.” Kara can’t stop herself, and the sound of Lena’s heart skipping a beat at these words makes Kara feel warm.

 

“I’m not sure you said that today, but I’ll take it.” Lena tries to play it off cool, but breaks into a blush anyway. Kara can’t help but smile at the sight of it.

 

“I am curious, though. I don’t mean to pry and you don’t have to answer, but it seems like James knows you. And even though you say I am your best friend, I still feel like he knows you in a way I don’t. So why me? Why will you tell me stuff and not James?” 

 

Kara takes a deep sigh as she thinks of what to say. Yesterday she would have gotten mad at Lena for asking her this. But today she was in complete surrender to the brunette. The fact that she was finally able to have a night of good sleep last night, mainly thanks to Lena, makes everything seem a little less heavy today. It makes Kara feel like she is finally able to think and maybe talk about this without feeling herself break inside. She is willing to let her guard down around Lena, because Lena gives her the strength to keep her guard up around others. If she can’t have these moments of weakness with Lena, she knows she will not be strong enough to make it through this. 

 

“James knows too much,” Kara finally says after a long silence. “James knows the ins and outs of my life. I can’t tell him half of the story. If I tell him part of what is bothering me, I have to tell him everything. You don’t know me like that yet.”

 

Kara pauses to look at Lena and they inhale a sharp breath in sync.

 

“With you, I can tell you what I need to get off my chest and I don’t have to share the parts that I’m not ready to share.”

 

Lena smiles at that, and Kara can’t help but return that smile. She hesitates before saying the next thing.

 

“Also, you have a way of making it impossible for me to  _ not _ let you in. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know how you do it, but I have a lot of difficulty lying to you.”

 

Lena’s gazes at Kara’s, her eyes wide open.

 

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” Lena manages to get out through a flushed smile.

 

One of the waiters interrupts them asking whether they have made a choice yet, reminding them that they both have yet to even look at the menu. 

They both quickly decide on what to eat and order from the waiter. Not long after that the waiter comes up to them to bring them a bottle of red wine, which Lena had apparently already reserved for them. Kara didn’t really like the taste of wine, and since the alcohol didn’t work on her she also had no way of tricking herself into liking it. But Lena liked it, and Lena had ordered it for them so there was no way Kara would not drink the wine. She could trick herself into liking it for Lena.

 

Lena opens the bottle and pours both their glasses half full. Kara watches Lena move. She feels an overwhelming sense of gratefulness take over as she is watching the brunette effortlessly pour both glasses evenly full. Lena has stuck by her for so long. Lena never got angry at Kara for lashing out again. And Kara still can not comprehend how it is that a woman like Lena wants to voluntarily spend her free time with Kara. With the girl who is broken because her boyfriend left. With the girl who allowed herself to let her happiness become dependent on a guy instead of being her own happiness, and then completely fell apart when that guy had to leave. 

 

Lena has known loss as well. And she seems to be way better at coping with it than Kara. She has lost her real mother, her adoptive family turned on her and her brother turned out to be a psycho murderer. Next to that, the love of Lena’s life came back for her last year, only to die in Lena’s arms as well only days later. Kara has never heard Lena complain about that. About how unfair it all is. Lena seemed fine surprisingly fast after Jack had died. Lena must think Kara is being stupid for lashing out like this for so long. So why is she voluntarily spending time with Kara?

 

“You’re staring.” Lena interrupts Kara’s train of thought.

 

“Hmm, what?” Despite Kara’s superhearing, her thoughts had ran so deep that she doesn’t fully understand what Lena says right away.

 

“You are staring. Stop it. It’s creepy” Lena tries to sound serious but a slight smirk gives her away.

 

“I’m sorry, I was just wondering..” Kare looks down at her glass with red wine in it, smelling the strong sour odor of the liquid.

 

“Wondering about what?”

 

“Just that.. You have been through a lot in your life. And you have been through something similar to what I’m going through. But you handled it so much better. How did you do that?” 

 

Lena takes a deep sigh and takes a sip of her wine. She looks back up at Kara wearing a smile which Kara is unable to distinguish as either fake or real.

 

“Kara, we are all human. We all handle things differently. And what works for me might not work for you. I’m pretty sure to be honest, that what works for me will not work for you.” Lena says in a reassuring smile.

 

“Yeah, but it only took you so little time. How come you were fine so quickly after Jack died?”

 

Kara hears Lena’s heart skip a beat when she mentions Jack’s name, and watches her swallow hard.

 

“I’m sorry if that was too personal.” Kara immediately stammers.

 

“No, It’s fine. And I wasn’t fine. I drank a lot in the evenings, sometimes even drank myself to sleep and then came to work with a hangover the next morning. I sucked it up and forced myself to focus on a new project that ended up leading to the almost destruction of our world.” Lena flashes Kara a rather sad smile and takes another sip of her wine.

 

Kara feels a sting in her chest at these words.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything? You always acted like everything was fine when I was around” Kara asks.

 

“Because when you were around I  _ was _ fine. You made me feel fine, Kara. You made me forget it all.” Lena looks at Kara intently. Kara can’t hold back a nervous sniffle.

 

“You do the same for me, you know?” Kara says as she smiles shyly.

 

Lena blushes at that. “I’m glad I can be of service.” 

 

Kara smiles and decides in that moment she is allowed to let her walls down around Lena. There is no use trying to hold it up around this woman, because Lena always finds a peephole or a gateway that Kara never even knew existed. 

 

“You know, you are the only person that seems to understand exactly what I need. You know when I need to talk about something even if I don’t want to talk about it. You know when to stop pushing me to talk. I don’t get how you do it.” Kara starts a bit hesitant but 

 

Lena laughs. “It’s my incredible Luthor instinct. I was forced to learn to read people at a very young age. It has its perks now.” 

 

“It sure does. I thought only my sister was able to read me like that.”

 

“Speaking of, I know you are adopted and that Alex isn’t your biological sister. But you always refer to her as your real sister. Did you always?” Lena askes, trying not to come off prying but all the while trying to sound interested.

 

“I did. But we did not always get along so well.” Kara starts. She pauses for a moment, not sure whether to continue. When she meets Lena’s eager expression she does decide to go on. “When I first arrived here on, -in this new place with a new family, Alex was a bit reluctant towards me. I can understand that and I don’t blame her for it. She is only human and I just came in one day and invaded her house and suddenly she had to share her parents with me.”

 

Lena stares at Kara, listening intensely to her story.

 

“During the first years of high school, we were really hard to put up with. Alex was under a lot of pressure because she was supposed to be taking care of me, and I refused to be taken care of. I honestly don’t know how Eliza and Jeremiah dealt with it sometimes. We were two incredibly stubborn teenagers who resented each other, and then suddenly that changed. We found peace with our situation. Alex found her peace with the fact that she was supposed to look out for me, and I in return was willing to go through fire and ice for her.” 

 

Kara pauses for a second to look at Lena’s green eyes. “After that we always had each other’s backs. Always.”

 

Kara smiles as she thinks of every time Alex had scraped her off the floor when she was having nightmares about Krypton, how mad Alex had gotten when she had come out as Supergirl and how worried Alex always was when she was out on a mission to capture another alien. Kara smiles when she thinks of all the times Alex came to her for advice, when Alex came out to Kara and all their conversations while eating pizza and potstickers on the couch. 

 

“That sounds like a dream family.” Lena says through a loving smile. Although Kara sees some sadness flash through Lena’s eyes.

 

“Yeah, I’m lucky to have them.” Kara can’t help but feel a little guilty towards Lena since the brunette did not grow up around a loving family that would sacrifice everything to protect her. 

 

“I’m sorry if this is not easy for you to hear.” Kara says, worried that Lena feels bad.

 

“No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault my family consists of complete dickheads.” Lena says joking as she takes another sip of her wine. 

 

Kara can’t help but smile along. “My real family did leave me with a fake image of them that was made up of lies and secrets, if that helps to make you feel better.” Kara tries.

 

Lena laughs, “Yeah, I feel much better now that I know that you have experienced the pleasure of being betrayed by your own family as well.”

 

Kara chuckles at that. They are interrupted again by the waiter, who informs them that their dinner is almost ready and asks them to clear the table so that the plates can be brought over in a few minutes.

 

“I am always surprised by how fast your orders go through.” Kara says as she moves her napkin out of the way and clears some space for evening meal.

 

“It’s another perk of being a Luthor.” Lena winks at Kara and the blonde feels a heat rush through her cheeks. 

 

Only a few minutes later, one of the cooks comes walking up to their table and places their meals in front of them, wishing for them to enjoy it.

 

Kara takes a deep breath through her nose and takes in the delicious smell of the pile of food that is lying in front of her, ready to be devoured. 

 

“Hmm, it smells soo good.” Kara says as she feels her stomach growl.

 

“You are just like a child.” Lena says as she watches Kara enjoy the first bite of her food with intense delight and lets out a giggle.

 

“What? It’s just so delicious.” Kara talks with her mouth still half filled with Chinese food, which would usually make Lena want to look away, but somehow Kara made talking with your mouth full look cute.

 

“At least I know how to lure you to my apartment. I just have to promise you Chinese food.” 

 

“Or any kind of food, really. Chinese, Italian, Mexican, everything will do. Except for kale!” Kara hastily adds the last part.

 

“Anything with a high amount of calories, got it.” 

 

Kara flashes Lena a proud smile as she shoves another mouthful of Chinese food in her mouth. Lena puts on a fake face of disgust.

 

“It’s just unfair. How can you eat that much and never get fat, while I am over here gaining five pounds whenever I eat one extra snack. It’s like you’re an alien.” Lena throws up her arms in fake frustration, teasing Kara, while Kara chokes on her food.

 

Kara coughs and coughs and coughs, feeling like her whole body is lighting on fire. She tries with all her might to focus on getting the mouthful of food out of her airway and into the right pipe down her throat, while she feels her cheeks burning red.

 

“Are you okay?” Lena asks in concern.

 

Kara nods and coughs again, feeling the food finally go down her throat the right way.

 

“Sorry about that.” She says as she places her hand on her chest for a moment, taking a few deep breaths. 

 

“Don’t apologize, it’s not like you can help it.”

 

Kara gives Lena a look. “Can’t you just accept my apologies once in a while.”

 

Lena laughs and nods in agreement, “I’ll try.”

 

“You’re so stubborn.” Kara shakes her head smiling, as she takes another bite.

 

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” Lena replies with a smirk on her face and Kara can’t help but chuckle.

 

Kara is eating twice as fast as Lena, and is almost done with her plate when Lena is only half way.

 

“Why do you always eat so fast? Do you even taste what you put in your mouth?” Lena jokes.

 

“Of course I do. I just happen to prefer the food to be in my empty stomach rather than in my mouth.” Kara answers proudly. She shoves another large bite in her mouth and gives Lena a smile.

 

“Honestly, you’re a pig.” 

 

“Well, I’m glad you are finally able to insult me again. I was getting kind of worried you would never do that again, since you won’t even let me apologize to you half of the time.” 

 

“Why, do you like it when I insult you?” Lena puts on a playful smile and Kara gladly goes along, trying hard to keep her face straight.

 

“Maybe.”

 

Lena laughs.

 

“As long as you do it with love.” Kara adds.

 

“Oh believe me, I do.” Lena gives Kara another smirk, and the blonde laughs. For a short moment Kara wonders if she hears Lena’s heartbeat rising again, but then a waiter drops a pile of plates next to their table and the sounds of it shattering drowns out the rhythm of Lena’s heart.

 

Without thinking twice, both women simultaneously get up from their seats and crouch besides the waiter who is collecting the pieces of porcelain that have made their way across the floor. 

 

“Here, let me help you with that.” Kara says as she starts collecting the larger pieces.

 

“Careful not to cut your fingers.” Lena warns Kara before she turns to the waiter who is thanking her for helping. “It’s no problem. You always work very hard, I’m sure the chef won’t take this out on you.” Lena reassures him.

 

Meanwhile Kara is moving on to collecting the smaller shards of porcelain as well, shoving them effortlessly onto one big pile. When Lena catches Kara doing this, she reaches her hand a little to fast towards the pile to stop Kara.

 

“Careful, those are sharp!” She says.

 

“I’m fine, I’m being careful.” Kara responds in an attempt to relax Lena. But Lena is a little too eager to help Kara and to prevent the blonde from cutting herself, and suddenly a drop of perfectly pure coloured red blood falls onto one of the shards from Lena’s hand. 

 

Lena quickly retracts her hand as she feels a sting coming from the place where she cut her finger on one of the smaller pieces of porcelain. 

 

“Are you okay?” Kara asks as she sees the blood making its way down Lena’s hand. 

 

“I’m fine, it’s just a small cut.” Lena says as she stands up to take a napkin from the table and wrap it around her hand, preventing more blood to drop on the ground and stain the floor.

 

“I’ll go find someone to help me clean this up. Thank you for helping.” The waiter smiles at them, and nods at Lena. “Please, go back to enjoying your dinner.” He thanks Kara again for putting all the shards onto one pile and then walks off to find someone of the staff to help him. 

 

Kara awkwardly takes a seat again at her table. “Are you sure that cut isn’t too deep? I saw a lot of blood.”

 

“I’m sure it’s fine.” Lena says as she takes a sip from her wine.

 

“Let me take a look at it.” Kara asks.

 

“I’m okay, Kara, I promise.” 

 

Kara just gives Lena a look to show the brunette she is not planning on giving up any time soon. 

 

“Fine.” Lena sighs.

 

Kara takes Lena’s hand and folds the napkin open to take a look at the cut. 

 

“It doesn’t look too deep, but you are bleeding a lot so we should keep pressure on it.” Kara says as she examines the wound left by the piece of porcelain.

 

“How did you not cut yourself? Those shards were sharp, and it only took me a few seconds to slice my finger open.”

 

“Uhm, well, I was being very careful.” Kara laughs nervously.

 

“It didn’t look that way.” 

 

Kara inhales a sharp breath as she is trying to figure out what to say.

“Well, maybe I just got lucky.” She tries to pull of a guilty look, and feels relief when Lena laughs.

 

They put the napkin back on the cut and tie it to Lena’s hand in such a way that she can’t lose much more blood. Kara eats another two bites of her dinner and with that her plate is empty. Lena on the other hand is only half way through her plate, so Kara has to sit and wait patiently for Lena to finish.

 

“You can help me finish this if you want. I am not that hungry anymore.” Lena says when she spots Kara’s prying eyes.

 

Kara takes her chopsticks and starts picking things off Lena’s plate. 

 

“You know what I just realized?” Lena says as she takes another sip of her wine. “This is the first time we have gone out for dinner together in at least six months. It’s been way too long.”

 

Kara nods excessively while stuffing her mouth full again. 

 

“Let’s not ever do that again. Fall out of touch like that.” Lena speaks convincing but she is eyeing Kara carefully, watching for her reaction.

 

“Deal.” Kara says as she takes another bite, oblivious to Lena’s attempt to test the territory of Kara’s lashing out as a conversation topic. It makes Lena feel a wave of relief to finally be spending time like this with Kara again, and Kara is actually enjoying herself as well. 

 

“I can’t believe how good this day has been. My day starts off with Supergirl carrying me, then I get to work with my best friend at CatCo and now here we are finally making plans again and having dinner together.” 

 

Kara smiles at Lena, silently admitting to herself that this has been the best day in what feels like forever. All thanks to Lena as well. 

 

“I have to be honest, that does sound like the perfect day.” Kara gives Lena a smirk and Lena falls into laughter.

 

“You’re still making fun of me due to my weakness for Supergirl, aren’t you?” 

 

Kara laughs. She loves it when Lena acts busted about her adoration for Supergirl.

“I mean, it’s Supergirl. How can I blame you for having a weak spot for her.” Kara feels a bit weird saying this but she lets herself get carried away in feeling so normal, so human, here together with Lena. 

 

“Exactly. You know how a strong woman can make me go crazy, and Supergirl is literally and figuratively the strongest woman on this planet.” Lena tries to believe that she is thinking solely of Supergirl when these words leave her mouth. But the truth is that somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows she is talking about Kara. Because no matter how powerful Supergirl is, Kara has that same strength without having any superpowers. 

 

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that.” Kara can’t help but flash Lena a sad smile as she takes a sip of her wine. 

 

“Why? Did something happen to her? I know you’re closer to her than I am, do you know about something that hurt her?” Lena asks in concern.

 

“No, no. I just, -I meant that you shouldn’t overestimate her. She is just trying her best at the end of the day and sometimes that is not enough.” 

 

“Well, her best is better than everyone else’s best. It’s better than mine, that’s for sure.” 

 

“Don’t say that. She is an alien. She has perks and powers that you don’t have. In my opinion it was much braver of you to try and save the world than it is for her to do so. She is not harmed as easily as you are. It takes much more courage for a human to step up against evil than it does for an alien who is bulletproof.” Kara looks at Lena intently, trying to  make Lena see how special she is for wanting to risk her life to help Supergirl. Hoping Lena will finally give herself some credit for helping Kara save the world from the Daxamite invasion. 

 

Lena just smiles. “Supergirl said something along those lines this morning. She said she wished the world would recognize my efforts in doing good and would stop doubting me.”

 

“Well, Supergirl was right. It is unfair that you are still not given the credit and trust that you deserve.” 

 

“You give it to me. That credit.” Lena looks into Kara’s blue eyes and finds that everytime she looks into them, they become even more beautiful. 

 

“I wish the rest of the world would too.” Kara says in a soft voice as she looks straight back into Lena’s green eyes, forgetting for a moment about the rest of the world around them.

 

Kara reaches for Lena’s hand across the table, and softly lies her fingertips in Lena’s palm. The soft brush of contact sends shivers down both their spines, and as they can’t help but stare at each other from opposite ends of the table, they lose themselves in the other’s eyes. Oblivious to the world around them. For a moment it feels like there is only them. Only Kara and Lena, only blue eyes meeting green. 

 

* * *

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> School is over for me now so I should be able to have at least one chapter finished each month, maybe more.  
> I have not given up on this story though, even though the show has gotten worse and worse and hasn't given me much inspiration to work with. But I am going to try!
> 
> Catch me on Tumblr: dhjdb


	5. When you walked into the room just then, it's like the sun came out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara spend their Saturday together and prepare for the girls night with Sam, Alex and Maggie at Kara's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY IT TAKES ME SO LONG TO UPDATE EVERY TIME.
> 
> That said, I don't have school anymore so I should be able to update at least once every two months. Maybe faster, but no promises..
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy :)
> 
> Chapter title inspired by the song Start of Time by Gabrielle Aplin.

It’s a Saturday morning full of bliss for Lena. She is awakened by rays of warm sunshine that touch her face. The gentle sting of the cut in her finger is a pleasant reminder of yesterday evening. When she rolls over in her exceptionally comfortable bed to look at her phone it displays a message from the one and only Kara Danvers, and Lena is in too good of a mood to suppress the butterflies that arise in her stomach when she reads the words the blonde has sent her.

 

**Kara:** Had a great time last night! If you are up for it, would love to get breakfast together before work.

 

There is a blush emoji at the end which makes Lena smile. She replies by telling Kara she will be at her place in half an hour to pick her up.

 

Lena dramatically rolls over in her bed and gets out on the other side, feeling a weird satisfaction when her warm feet hit the cool floor. Some days the world seems black and white, and other days the colours seem to have intensified. Today is going to be a colourful day, Lena knows that the second her feet and the floor have made contact. 

 

It is Saturday, so Lena decides just the basics for makeup will be necessary. This means she is ready and dressed within twenty minutes, leaving her with exactly ten minutes to get to Kara’s apartment. She leaves her hair loose, having noticed Kara re-adjusting her glasses every time she first sees the brunette when she wears her hair down. 

 

Now most people of course don’t have to go to work on a Saturday. But Lena Luthor isn’t most people. She is the owner of two companies, L-Corp and CatCo, and therefore Saturdays are also a working day for her. Kara doesn’t actually have to go to work on the weekends, but she sometimes sacrifices her day off just to spend it with Lena. She did so even when Lena worked only at L-Corp. Lena would spent the whole weekend in her office, and from time to time Kara would just drop by to bring Lena food and sit in the same room as the brunette, finishing up her CatCo work in Lena’s office.

 

Lena always had an unbreakable good mood on those Saturdays.

 

While humming an unknown tune she steps in the driver’s seat of her car, a dark blue Mercedes, and drives off. On weekends, she sometimes likes to drive herself. It gives her a feeling of comfort. Like she doesn’t have to be on guard. She is alone in the vehicle after all. It gives Lena some much needed time to process her thoughts from time to time.

 

She arrives to the street Kara lives on and pulls over when she is in front of Kara’s apartment. Still humming a cheery tune, she gets out of the car and makes her way up towards her best friend’s front door. Lena knocks twice and is meeted with the usual words.

 

“It’s open!”

 

Lena opens the door and steps inside, meeting a sight meant solely for sore eyes.

 

Kara is standing in her grey sweatpants and dark blue plain T-shirt. A look that is very unlike Kara, but the way her hair is completely loose the same way Lena’s is, makes her look all the more beautiful. Lena notices some makeup on Kara’s face, and momentarily questions the order of Kara’s morning routine. But that thought fades away when behind Kara’s glasses her eyes glint with joy as she catches sight of Lena. 

 

“Hey! I’m sorry I didn’t have time to get dressed yet, I did a workout this morning.” Kara smiles at Lena as she takes two paper coffee cups from the kitchen counter. “But I figured you would crave some caffeine, so I got coffee.” She stretches out one hand and Lena gladly takes the cup.

 

“So, you’re working out in the mornings now, huh?” Lena says as she studies Kara from head to toe. It explains why the blonde is so incredibly muscled. 

 

“Yeah, just a little morning run. You know, to keep fit.” Kara lets out an awkward laugh the way only she can do.

 

“I guess you were expecting a lot of paparazzi on your run.”

 

“Huh?” Kara’s face shows a flash of panic.

 

“With all that makeup on your face. You don’t ever wear makeup in the morning.”

 

“Oh, yeah, that. Just, uh, experimenting,” Kara gives Lena another awkward laugh, and Lena can’t help but smile back. She is quickly distracted by the news that is displayed on Kara’s television, as it shows images of Supergirl carrying five stories of a building.

 

“Hey, can you turn that up?” Lena points towards the TV, completely forgetting about Kara’s makeup slip.

 

Kara uncomfortably moves to get the remote and turns the volume up. Her face is rather anxious, but Lena is too caught up in the report about Supergirl’s rescue of this morning to notice. Her eyes are completely fixed on the news reporter, explaining all about the heroic save.

 

“-as the building caught fire, firemen were unable to contain the flames and had to get everybody out as safe and as fast as possible. When the stories above threatened to cave in due to the damage done by the fire, Supergirl was just in time to take it upon herself to hold the building in place, providing the firemen with enough time to get everyone out of there alive. In other news..”

 

Lena finally tears her eyes away from the screen and faces Kara.

 

“Look at that, you’re not the only one doing morning workouts.” She teases.

 

Kara laughs uneasily, and mumbles something about getting dressed.

 

“Hurry, or there won’t be any breakfast left.” Lena calls after Kara. Sometimes Lena wonders if her fantasies about dating Kara are actually necessary. They are practically already acting like a married couple half of the time, so what difference would it make? 

 

Kissing. That would make the difference, Lena admits. She could wake up infinite times to a kiss from Kara. But she knows all too well that it is never going to happen.

 

Within five minutes Kara returns fully dressed, with her hair back in her ponytail. 

 

“Shall we?” She says as she makes her way to the door, grabbing her purse along the way.

 

“After you, my lady.” Lena smiles as she opens the door for Kara, and they both leave Kara’s apartment carrying a very good morning mood. As the blonde passes by Lena while stepping through the door, Lena swears for a second she smells the faint scent of smoke. 

  
  


                                                                                                                       ~

 

“I hate you.” Kara puts on a face as she reluctantly puts another bite of her salad in her mouth. 

 

“No you don’t.” Lena winks.

 

“This is not what I meant when I proposed getting breakfast together.” Kara’s face muscles flex in disgust as she chews on the green leaves that are far too healthy for her liking.

 

“What, did you think pizza and potstickers was an all day meal?” 

 

“It could be. I wouldn’t mind.” Kara says as she pokes lustless through her salad with her fork.

 

“You’re such a child.” Lena says through a smile.

 

Kara tries another bite and once again her face shows a look of utter distaste. 

“Next time, I’m choosing breakfast.”

 

Lena giggles as she watches Kara’s face form the way she’s only seen it do when she forces green into it. “The funny thing about these meals is that I always finish mine before you for a change.” 

 

Kara gives Lena a look and Lena answers with a grin. 

 

“I am getting donuts before we go to work.” Kara says with a fake angry look.

 

“How aren’t you fat if you never put anything green inside your mouth except when I force you?” Lena teases.

 

“I eat green stuff sometimes!” Kara says defensively.

 

“Hmm, like what?”

 

“The olives on my pizza.”

 

Lena bursts out laughing. She collects everything in her purse and stands up from her seat while she chuckles away, motioning to the waiter that she would like to pay.

“Come on, leave that plate. We’ll get you some baby food.” Lena says through her giggles.

 

All Kara can do is follow Lena’s command and listen to the sound of the brunette laughing out loud.

 

They step outside as soon as Lena has paid for their salads, both walking towards Lena’s car. Lena gets in at the driver’s seat and Kara gets in on the other side. As Lena pulls into the driveway, Kara reminds her to drive to a donut place and not straight to work.

 

“Oh my god, will you stop it with the donuts? I haven’t forgotten.” Lena giggles again.

 

Kara just shrugs guiltily, but there is a hint of a smile in her face.

 

Lena drives them to the closest bakery and Kara quickly buys a few donuts, devouring them all in the car. Lena ends up eating half a donut as well because Kara keeps pushing her, telling Lena her body looks fine just as it is and she doesn’t need dieting. 

 

When they pull up in the driveway again, Kara turns on the radio.

 

“Let’s listen to some music.” She says as she skips through the radio channels, searching for a song she likes. She stops the channel when she hears Uptown Funk from Bruno Mars.

 

“I love this song, it always makes me happy!” Kara blurts out as she starts moving to the beat of the song. Lena looks over to the blonde jamming beside her and feels a rush of warmth. She has to force herself to keep her eyes on the road.

 

“ _ Don’t believe me just watch _ !” Kara is singing along now too, and it is becoming harder by the second for Lena to focus on her driving.

 

“Come on, sing along, Lee! I know you know the words!” Kara is beaming with positive energy and Lena can’t help but smile from ear to ear. 

 

“Oh, no. You don’t want to hear my singing.” Lena laughs as she tries to brush off Kara’s distractions. 

 

“Do you really think that I care whether you sound good or not? Just sing it with me.” Kara is tugging at Lena’s arm now. Lena tries with all her might to keep her eyes on the road. But she is unable to suppress a grin. 

 

“Pleaase?”

 

Lena feels her eyes tearing away from the road and when they meet Kara’s her heart feels like it is exploding.

 

Lena sighs deeply and gives in to Kara’s pleas.

 

“ _ I’m too hot, hot damn, call the police and the firemen _ !” She sings out of tune, as she has forced her eyes back on the traffic again.

 

Kara laughs out loud when she hears Lena singing out of tune, but Lena keeps going and Kara quickly joins her again.

 

“ _ Cause uptown funk’s gonna give it to ya! Cause uptown funk’s gonna give it to ya _ !” They both sing and dance to the beat and when they turn a corner and get stuck in a traffic jam, Lena is able to relax and fully enjoy the moment together with Kara.

 

Kara is singing at the top of her lungs, with her eyes closed and her body moving to the rhythm of the song. She sings beautifully, making Lena feel like she might swoon.

 

When the song ends, Kara looks at Lena in full delight. Lena can only smile back.

 

The next song comes on, and it is Something Just Like This by Coldplay. Lena doesn’t know the song all too well, so she sits still while Kara is still jamming and singing along quietly. 

 

“ _ Where’d you wanna go? How much you wanna risk? I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts! _ ” Kara sings along in a more soft tone than before. There is more emotion in her voice, Lena notices. 

 

“ _ And Superman unrolls a suit before he lifts, but I’m not the kind of person that it fits! _ ” Kara has her eyes closed when she sings that line and Lena feels goosebumps on her arms at the sound of Kara’s voice.

 

“I love this song.” Kara says as she stops singing.

 

“Yeah, now that I hear the lyrics it is a really beautiful song.”

 

Kara nods.

 

“I never really paid attention to the words because the beat is very dominating.” Lena explains.

 

“It has a beautiful message.” Kara says as Lena moves the car a few metres forward.  Lena decides traffic jams are not so bad when one gets to spend them with Kara Danvers.

 

“I agree. I mean, it is fun and all to say that Supergirl is hot but I don’t think anyone human could ever have a relationship with her.” 

 

Kara is unable to explain why, but she feels her heart sink at those words.

 

“She is a fantastic person and the whole city admires her, but I think in the end humans want a simple relationship.” Lena continues. 

 

Kara nods slowly. It takes her some time before she is able to speak.

“Don’t you think Supergirl wants that too?”

 

Lena looks at Kara in surprise. “Why would she? She is a hero, she needs someone to understand and accept all the aspects of her life. Even the crime fighting and constant rescuing that requires her to be rarely available to the people she loves, right?”

 

“Yeah, but don’t you think Supergirl wants to be normal too? Or at least feel like it sometimes..” Kara trails of for a second. She isn’t sure of what to say. Does she want to be human? Does she want to be normal? Only a few days ago she was trying to convince herself that she should only be Supergirl, and no longer Kara Danvers.

 

“What, do you think Supergirl has some alter ego hiding around in National City? That she is secretly trying to fit in like a normal human being, like in that Disney Incredibles movie you showed me once?” Lena laughs.

 

“Why would she not?” 

 

“Well, I suppose she could.” Lena takes a moment to think about it.

“Oh my God, what kind of job do you think she has?” Lena jokes.

 

“I would not know.” Kara lets out a very nervous laugh. 

 

“Hmm, I guess you are right, though. She might have a secret identity. But still, I would rather date somebody like you than date a superhero.” Lena winks at Kara as she speaks and Kara inhales deeply, letting out another nervous laugh.

 

“I mean, we are practically dating already. Look at us.” Lena keeps on teasing Kara.

 

“That, -is true. We basically spend every day with each other.”

 

“And we go out on dates.”

 

“Oh, Don’t forget what the tabloids always write about Lena Luthor and her mystery blonde girlfriend.” Kara adds jokingly. Lena laughs and nods at that comment. She starts the engine again and moves the car another few metres forward, turning to face Kara when the engine dies down again.

 

Kara is looking at Lena with a dashingly hypnotising smile. There is a twinkle in her blue eyes that has been hard to find over the past couple of months.

 

“We need to go driving in your car with you at the wheel more often.” Kara says still smiling.

 

“I’m too lazy most of the times, and I hate getting stuck in traffic jams.” Lena answers truthfully.

 

“I like it much better when it’s just the two of us.” Kara says with a look on her face that Lena is unable to fully place.

 

“Why is that?” Lena says intrigued.

 

“I don’t know. I guess because it gives us a little more privacy. It’s just you and me in this car right now. No driver. It just feels more.. safe.” Kara looks ahead of her. She has a distant look on her face. Like what she just said has taken her into a deep thought.

 

All Lena can do is smile and speak in a barely audible voice.

“I agree.”

 

Kara looks back over at the brunette and smiles, and Lena is frozen still. They both fail to notice the cars in front of them starting to move, and are only snapped out of their gaze by the car behind them honking. 

 

As Lena starts up the engine again, she remembers something.

“Oh, I almost forgot. We have to stop by L-Corp before we can go to CatCo. It won’t take long.”

 

“That’s okay, I’ll just come up to your office with you.”

 

“I do know the way to my own office.” Lena teases Kara.

 

“Yeah, but you will make a much better entrance with me by your side.” Kara jokes.

 

“Very true. Any person would be lucky to be spotted out with a hot blonde girl, so I guess the paparazzi shots won’t hurt my image.” 

 

“Oh, shut up. They all know who I am by now, we’ve been photographed together so many times.” Kara laughs.

 

“So? That doesn’t take away from the fact that it won’t hurt my image to be seen with you.”

 

“Will you stop it with the compliments? I am wearing a light pink dress, which is sensitive to wet stains and you’re making me sweat!” Kara says half serious half joking. It is enough to make Lena crack up.

 

“You are so adorable” Lena laughs.

 

“Still not helping.” Kara giggles back.

 

“Oh, please. You never sweat, Kara. Even this morning after you had done a workout there wasn’t a single drop of sweat on your forehead.” 

 

Kara falls silent for a moment, seemingly not knowing what to say. Lena is unable to ask the blonde what is wrong, because Kara’s phone starts ringing. When Kara takes it out of her purse and sees the screen displays Alex’s name, she doesn’t hesitate a second before answering the call.

 

“Alex?”

 

“Kara, I hope I am not interrupting something and I know it is early but I just woke up and I just need to get this off my chest.” Alex says in one breath.

 

“Okay. Um, hit me.” 

 

“I had a dream where I was pregnant, and that sounds good, right?” Kara can immediately tell Alex is stressed out by the way she is talking. Barely breathing in between her sentences. 

 

“-But then I am standing in front of a mirror and my belly just expands right in front of my eyes and it all seems great and amazing, and suddenly I fall backwards into my bed and I am giving birth. Actually giving birth, you know with everything and everyone there, but then when the baby comes out it is actually Maggie, and I know what you’re thinking but no, not like that. And then the nurse takes Maggie and gives her to me. So I am holding this baby in my arms that looks like Maggie, and she just says, ‘I said I didn’t want kids. I thought we agreed on this.’ And then I woke up.”

 

Kara waits for a moment to hear if Alex is finished before she speaks. 

“Alex, it sounds to me like wanting to be a mom is a pretty serious thing for you. And I think you really need to reconsider not wanting kids just in order to stay with Maggie.”

 

“Kara, I love her. With all my heart. And my heart tells me that Maggie is enough. That having Maggie is enough.”

 

“I know. And I believe you.” Kara assures Alex.

 

“So you think I am making the right choice?”

 

“I think you need to ask yourself one thing.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Does  _ all _ of your heart tell you that having Maggie is enough, in the same way it tells you that you love her with all your heart? Is every cell in your heart as convinced of not wanting kids the same way all of it loves Maggie?”

 

Alex stays silent on the other end of the line.

 

“I think you will figure it out if you are able to answer that question. And Alex, I support whatever choice you think brings you happiness.”

 

Alex nods, then realises Kara can’t see that and says, “Thank you, Kara.”

 

“Except if it does not bring you happiness. I will not support that.” Kara adds jokingly. 

 

“I’ll think about it. Thanks, Kara.”

 

“Always.” Kara says before ending the call.

 

In the time that Kara was calling Alex they had arrived in the street where L-Corp stands.

Lena pulls over as Kara puts her phone back in her purse.

 

“Trouble in gay paradise?” Lena asks.

 

Kara lets out a laugh before answering. “Yeah, it’s not paradise at the moment. I hope it will be again soon though.”

 

Lena nods, “I hope Alex is able to figure it out.”

 

“Yeah, me too. I especially hope that Alex doesn’t lose the courage to stand up for herself and her happiness, you know? She has just found that in Maggie and I just hope she doesn’t let go of that courage even if it means letting go of the woman who showed her that.”

 

Lena stayed quiet for a bit. 

 

“Alex was always supposed to take care of me. In a way, me being here led to her not being able to pursue.. herself, really.”

 

“Kara, don’t give yourself the blame. You were not at fault here. It was a complicated situation, I’m sure.” Lena replies immediately.

 

“I know that.” Kara says, “But I still feel like I owe my life to her.”

 

“Is that why Alex joined the FBI? To protect you?”

 

Kara looks up a bit taken aback by Lena’s directness. 

“In a way. But shouldn’t we get going?”

 

It is clear to Lena that Kara is announcing her retreat. She is closing herself off again, and Lena is okay with it. She can see that Kara is trying. So she will keep trying as well.

 

They both get out of the car and walk through the entrance of L-Corp, on their way to Lena’s office.

 

“I just have to sign some papers and then we can get to work.” Lena says as they walk through the doors of her office.

 

“Yeah, no problem. But my boss really doesn’t like when I’m late.” Kara jokes and gives Lena a smirk, which Lena returns without thinking.

 

“Hey, sorry, Ruby had a soccer game and then the kids wanted to get ice cream to celebrate.” Sam marches into the office.

 

“No worries. You remember Kara.” Lena states rather than asks.

 

“Yes, of course I do.” Sam gives Lena a look before looking back to Kara, “It’s nice to see you.”

 

“Good to see you.” Kara smiles shyly.

 

Sam turns to Lena and hands her a folder, “So the JQB merger should be finalized any minute. Unless Paul tries to pull something, which I will not allow.”

 

Kara stands quietly for a while, observing Lena engage with Sam. She can definitely tell that Lena and Sam used to be very close friends. An idea hits Kara, just as Lena asks Sam how she is going to celebrate her first merger.

 

“We’re having a girls night at my place tonight. Do you want to come?” Kara notices Lena’s face light up with surprise in a way that makes Kara’s toes tingle. 

 

“No, I couldn’t intrude.” Sam tries.

 

“You do realize that Lena is not going to take no for an answer, right?” Kara looks at Lena through the corner of her eye.

 

“Accurate.” Lena says as she puts on a proud smirk. Kara can’t help but smile.

 

“Okay, alright. I’ll go.” Sam says as she gives Lena a quick look. “What should I bring?”

 

“Booze.” Lena replies as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. “Just no tequila, okay? Please.”

 

Lena notices Kara’s attention dwelling on a piece of paper that lies on Sam’s desk. Kara picks up the pamphlet with a mysterious frown on her face.

 

“Where did you get this?” Kara asks staring at the symbol on the front with a creepy intensity.

 

“Oh, just some weirdo at Ruby’s soccer game. She came up to me and tried to enlist me in some self-help meeting.” Sam replies.

 

“Ugh, I hate those things. They are like a waste of both trees and of our time.” Lena tugs at Kara’s elbow as she walks in the direction of the door, signaling to Kara that they need to get to CatCo.

 

“Do you mind if I keep this?” Kara asks Sam in a curious voice.

 

“Yeah, go ahead.”

 

Lena is almost out the door already when Kara turns around. She puts the pamphlet with the Kryptonian symbol on it in her purse and follows after the brunette.

 

Lena is waiting for Kara in front of the elevator doors. She has already pushed the button for the elevator to come up when she looks around and meets an anxious expression on Kara’s face.

 

“Right. Stairs.” Lena smiles as she turns away from the elevator to walk towards the stairs instead. Kara follows gratefully.

 

“So, I have to ask. Why did you want to keep that piece of paper?” Lena asks as they descent step by step. 

 

“Um, I, uh, just-”

 

“Was that a Kryptonian symbol or something?” Lena cuts Kara off.

 

Kara’s anxious look has now turned into a look of utter panic. “W-what? What do you mean? Why would I care if it’s Kryptonian? I don’t. Why do you ask that?”

 

Lena laughs. “Well, don’t get all defensive. I was just wondering. Because that symbol is the same shape as the one on Supergirl’s chest. So I thought maybe it’s Kryptonian.”

 

“Oh.” Kara takes a deep breath to calm herself. “Yeah. Now that you mention it. It could be Kryptonian.”

 

“So why did you keep the pamphlet?” Lena tries to sound gentle, hoping Kara will relax.

 

“Uhh.. I don’t really want to talk about it.” Kara’s voice is more calm now, but there is still a hint of panic.

 

“Kara, if you think a self-help meeting will make you feel better, please go. If it helps, I’m all for it.” Lena says eyeing Kara carefully.

 

“What?” 

 

“I just.. I want to make sure I didn’t offend you by what I said back there in my office. If a meeting like that helps you, it is worth all the time and trees. Please don’t let my ignorant comments stop you.”

 

“What? Oh, right. Yeah. Thanks, Lena. I appreciate that.” Kara gives Lena a shy smile.

 

Lena isn’t able to tell if it was a genuine smile or not. She feels really worried for a second. Why did she always run her rich and spoiled mouth? Now she has offended Kara who obviously was interested in that self-help meeting. She could beat herself with a stick right about now. 

 

“Kara, I mean it. I’m really sorry if-”

 

“Lee, it’s alright. I appreciate it. You don’t have to apologize.” Kara turns her face towards Lena with an affectionate smile. 

 

Lena sighs in relief. “I was a bit afraid you weren’t accepting my apology.” She admits.

 

“Well, now you know what that’s like for a change, when someone won’t let you apologize.” Kara says with something that looks like a wink.

 

Lena laughs. “Oh, that’s your angle here. You’re just giving me payback.”

 

“I could never give you enough payback.” Kara grins. 

 

“Excuse me, for what?” 

 

“Private reasons” Kara shrugs and tries to pull off a mysterious smirk. She fails miserably, because as soon as Lena gives Kara a daring stare her whole act collapses. Lena laughs at this. 

 

“You can’t pull off that flirting game even half as good as me.” Lena giggles as she gives Kara a real wink.

 

“I can flirt.” Kara protests.

 

“No you can’t.” 

 

“No, I can’t.” Kara laughs. “I really can’t. I suck at it.”

 

“It’s adorable, though. The way you try. Just don’t try too hard, darling. Take it from me, you catch people off guard way more easily when you’re being casual about it.” Lena gives Kara another lingering bold look, hoping to get her favorite reaction out of the blonde. It works. Kara stands flustered for a few seconds with visible blushing going on underneath the skin of her cheeks. It fills Lena up with warmth.

 

They reach the end of the stairs and Lena takes the last step and turns around to walk backwards, watching Kara still stand frozen to the second to last step of the stairs.

 

“Come on, Miss Danvers. We’re going to be late so you better pull yourself together.”

 

Kara’s eyes follow Lena as if she has hypnotised her. The blonde smiles, but more to herself than to Lena, right before she manages to finally tear her eyes away from Lena and walk the last few steps down the stairs. 

 

They walk back towards the car and Lena drives them to the CatCo building. No traffic jams this time, unfortunately. This is the first time Lena feels disappointed by not having encountered traffic.

 

Their morning is quite typical. Lena sits at James’ desk in his office, making her way through paper work, while Kara sits on the couch across from her going over her notes for her next article. The rest of the CatCo building is as good as abandoned, except for some janitors and a few people making over hours. It is quite calming, Lena thinks, that such a large and alive company can be such a quiet workplace on a Saturday morning. 

 

“Is it always this quiet on Saturdays?” Lena whispers to Kara, careful not to startle her.

 

“It didn’t used to be. But since Cat left, people are giving themselves more freedom.” Kara replies with a smile. 

 

Lena watches Kara work for a moment. She observes the way the her eyes are focussed on her paper, the way her brows create a crease in her forehead, the way Kara plays with her pen in her hand.

 

“What was is like working for Cat?”

 

Kara looks up from her notes and thinks about what to say for a moment.

 

“The first word that comes to mind is demanding.” Kara smiles, and Lena returns it. “Cat Grant is a unique woman. She had some very weird requests from time to time. She could be a complete pain in the ass and sometimes you would wonder if there was even a person inside of her. But then she would push you to become better, say all these incredibly inspiring things and say your name correctly for the first time in years.” Kara laughs to herself.

 

“Wait, what? She didn’t know your name?”

 

“Oh, she did. She just called me Kira instead of Kara to make a point.” Kara smiles again at the thought of it. 

 

“That’s a weird way to make a point.” Lena studies Kara for a moment. She can’t imagine saying Kara’s name wrong, especially on purpose. Kara is the one and only name Lena could never forget, even if she wanted to.

 

“Well, Cat has her own weird ways.”

 

“So, what was her point in the end?” Lena asks, her curiosity getting the best of her.

 

“I don’t really know, to be honest. All I know is that Cat had her own ways of showing you she cared.” Kara stares at the vase on the coffee table as she wonders about Lena’s question. They sit in silence for a while before they both resume their work.

 

Lena makes her way through a stack of all of her paperwork as the morning slowly progresses into afternoon. She finds herself being disturbed by rumbling in her stomach. And it is obvious to her that Kara notices this too. Every time Lena feels her stomach growl, Kara looks up for a split second. Lena wonders if the sound is really that loud that Kara can hear it from all the way over there. 

 

After an hour of Lena trying to ignore the sounds coming from her organs, Kara stands up.

 

“Okay, I am getting you lunch.”

 

“No, Kara, you don’t have to. I still have to get through all these stacks of paperwork, and I am really not that hungry.”

 

“Please, have you heard your stomach? It sounds like there is a war going on in there.” Kara jokes.

 

“Okay, fine. Just nothing too heavy.” Lena tries. She knows it’s useless. If Kara brings her lunch, it is always a calorie-loaded meal.

 

Lena watches Kara collect her stuff and grab her purse. She tries with all her might to ignore the butterflies she feels in her stomach.

 

“I’ll be right back.” Kara says in a soft voice that makes Lena’s ears tinkle.

 

Lena allows her eyes to follow Kara walking out of the office. Watching every step the blonde makes closely.  _ How did she ever get so lucky to have someone like Kara in her life?  _

 

It hits Lena in that moment how much Kara has opened up to her in the last week as opposed to the half year before that. Kara has been trying so hard. Lena has seen that. Lena notices every time Kara puts extra effort into their friendship, and also when Kara does not. Lena notices everything surrounding Kara. There are very few things, Lena is convinced, that she does not notice about Kara. She notices everything, unwillingly. 

 

Lena is aware that Kara has secrets, though. She knows there are things her best friend has not told her. She does not know what those things are, but she notices whenever Kara avoids a certain subject or deliberately directs the attention towards Lena instead of herself. And Lena is fine with that. Kara should be able to tell her secrets in her own time. 

 

Lena looks at the vacant space on the couch in front of her. Why is it that she immediately misses Kara’s presence whenever she leaves? Why does an empty room feel infinitely more empty when Kara has been there to fill it up just moments before? Why does an abandoned seating place look a hundred times more abandoned when it was previously occupied by Kara? Why does Lena herself feel like she is a sole soul on this very planet as soon as Kara is required some place else?

 

Lena hates it. How absolutely powerless Kara can make her feel. How utterly alone and completely useless whenever not carried by Kara’s presence she can feel. All that hard work she did in order to become her own person, her own woman. All that hard work to feel like she didn’t have to please anyone, like she was self sustainable and independent. To feel like she was satisfied with just herself and her own ambitions and work. To feel like a lover would just be a plus to an already self fulfilling life, not a star so bright and powerful everything suddenly rotates around that one person.

 

But then along came Kara Danvers. And Lena hates that all her hard work suddenly seemed for nothing. Because Kara is the star in Lena’s life that everything rotates around. Kara is the sun that Lena’s world is all about. Life in Lena’s world is not possible without Kara. All warmth and light would be gone without her. Kara can never be too far away, for it would become too dark and cold. Yet Lena can’t ever get too close to her, for just a finger reached too far in Kara’s direction will burn away Lena’s skin. It’s almost like Kara is there for Lena to see and admire, but never touch. Because it is  _ so _ inappropriate to feel all this for your best friend. And Lena knows that. But she can’t help it. And it’s maddening.

 

Lena tries to focus on her work, but it’s no use. Kara has occupied her mind. Her blue eyes and blonde hair. Her muscled and trained body. Her energy and vibe. Her soft and reassuring voice. Even her stern and cold voice. 

 

Lena tries with all her might to resist these thoughts, to push them away. To hide them far away in her mind. She even has to remind herself she is not at all ashamed of her sexuality, but just can’t be in love with her best friend. Nothing would be more inconvenient than to be in love with your best friend. And yet here she is, pining over the best friend she has ever had. Feeling the love sickness take over her entire body, every cell aching for Kara to return and light up the room with her own rays of sunlight.

  
                                                                                                                       ~  
  


 

Kara is preparing everything in her apartment for the girls night. Lena had insisted on helping her clean up, so Lena was already there. They had just cleared up the whole kitchen counter together, and are now working on getting the snacks ready. Well, Kara is working on getting the snacks ready. Lena is organizing the booze. 

 

“Do you think Sam will find it easy enough?” Kara asks a bit concerned.

 

“She’ll survive.” Lena replies with a wink.

 

Kara feels herself blushing. She goes on with preparing the snacks as she notices Lena looking for some music to put on. 

 

A thought hits Kara, and before she realizes it she has asked Lena a question.

 

“Did you talk to Maggie since.. you know. That one time.” Kara hates that she can’t filter herself when she is around Lena. She just blurts everything out. Luckily Lena has the capacity to always make these moments funny.

 

“You mean since that time she arrested me and personally sent me to jail?” The brunette says as she looks over her shoulder.

 

“Yeah, that time.” Kara lets out an awkward laugh.

 

“I did. We’re all good. But it’s sweet of you to worry.” Lena smiles.

 

“Okay, good.” Kara exhales in relief. She hadn’t even thought about the fact that Maggie arrested Lena when she agreed to this girls night. She hadn’t even wanted a girls night at the time they planned this, she had just said yes to Alex in order to get her off her back. 

 

She had planned to cancel it all on short notice using work as an excuse, but then Lena had bought CatCo and became her boss. Kara couldn’t just use work as an excuse for everything anymore. 

 

The sound of two knocks on the door interrupts them from their tasks, and Kara doesn’t hesitate to march towards the door and open it.

 

“Alex, Maggie, welcome!” She steps aside to let them pass. Maggie greets her with a cheerful smile while Alex gives Kara a hug.

 

“You good?” Alex asks as she pulls away from the hug to look Kara in the eyes.

 

“Better.” Kara responds truthfully. She is feeling better. Everyday this week she has felt her overall mood go up. And it feels good to finally be able to answer this question with something other than a lie.

 

Alex’s face lights up when she hears Kara’s reply.

“I’m glad to hear.” She says before following Maggie into the room.

 

Kara closes the door behind them and walks after them. Alex and Maggie sit down on the sofa together. Kara watches Lena greet both Alex and Maggie, the brunette gives both of them a polite but genuine smile and a handshake. 

 

Alex seems to be really warming up to Lena. She used to be a bit cautious, to say the least. Alex has always been very protective of Kara, so naturally when Kara makes new friends Alex always has an opinion about it. Especially when she found out Kara had befriended Lena Luthor. But Kara being her stubborn self had ignored all of Alex’s warnings. 

 

Another reason for Kara insisting on her friendship with Lena was that she always  _ knew _ without knowing why that Lena was good. She felt so convinced from the moment they met that Lena was honest and genuine. And she has never doubted that feeling since.

Luckily it seems like Alex has finally left her suspicions aside.

 

“Can I get everyone a drink?” Kara asks as she walks up to her company with a big smile on her face. Everyone nods enthusiastic in reply.

 

“I’ll help.” Lena says as soon as Kara turns away to go fill some glasses. Kara smiles in reply, unable to avoid this reflex her face seems to have to Lena.

 

The two of them walk back into the kitchen together while Alex and Maggie get caught up in conversation together. Kara opens the cabinet with all the glasses in it.

 

“Should we start with something light?” Kara asks as she debates whether to take a few wine glasses or if they should move straight to whiskey. 

 

“Yes, let’s just start with wine. Sam still needs to get home in time for Ruby, remember?” Lena answers as she opens a bottle of red wine.

 

“Good point.” Kara takes five wine glasses out of the cabinet and puts them on the kitchen counter for Lena to fill. Kara stays to keep a close eye, since Lena is a bit of a mix between casual drinker and alcoholic. Most of the time Lena pours the glass way too full for Kara’s liking.

 

“Don’t give me that much.” Kara whispers and leans in to Lena when she sees the amount of wine going into each glass.

 

Lena glances sideways at Kara with her eyebrow up. “Why not?” She whispers back.

 

“I don’t really like this wine that much.” Kara gives Lena a pleading look. Lena can only chuckle in reply.

 

“Then why do you have it? You keep telling me it’s expensive.” She cocks her eyebrow again, her voice still low.

 

“I got it for you. You like this one, right?” Kara looks worried for a second.

 

“You got it for me?” Lena looks at Kara with piercing green eyes, a shimmer lighting them up thanks to the lamp hanging from the ceiling above them. Kara stares into those eyes for a few seconds before she catches herself and tears her eyes away.

 

“Stop that. It’s not a big deal.” Kara whispers as she intentionally brushes her shoulder very gently against Lena’s, as to give her a playful nudge. She can feel Lena’s eyes burning on her. Her cheeks are on fire as she gives Lena another smile. 

 

Lena leans forward, not breaking eye contact. Kara is very aware of how close their faces are, and feels her whole body heat up the way her cheeks did just a moment ago. The brunette stretches her arm across Kara in order to reach the final still empty glass. Kara has to beg her lungs to keep on working as she feels Lena’s chest lean against her arm as if a hot piece of metal is burning into her skin. 

 

As soon as Lena has the glass in the palm of her hand, she retreats her arm slowly. Slow enough for Kara to desperately push down the feeling she is involuntarily feeling. Lena finally pulls her arm back and starts filling the last glass.

 

“By the way, one more question.” Lena says in a low voice. Kara makes an unsuccessful attempt to ignore the swirl in her stomach. Lena puts the bottle of wine down and glances towards Kara again, both her eyebrows raised this time. She looks both playful and serious at the same time, the way only Lena can look.

 

“Why are we whispering?” 

 

The blankness in Kara’s mind leaves her frustrated. She wishes she could come up with some genius, playful answer that would tease Lena the way the brunette  is always able to tease her. But all her brain tells her to do is chuckle, instead of providing her with a clever response. So she just replies the only thing that comes to her mind through her chuckles.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“You started it.” Lena gives Kara another wink while taking two glasses of wine and turning to walk away towards Alex and Maggie. Kara is left in the kitchen defeated, unable to explain to herself why Lena always has this effect on her. 

 

She takes two glasses of wine in her hands as well and makes her way towards the rest. While she walks, she loses herself in her thoughts for a moment. Lena seems to be intending to get at least tipsy tonight, and Lena has been in a very good mood the whole day. Usually when those two things go together it leads to an evening with a lot of tease talking between the two of them. It leads to Lena looking at Kara in ways that make Kara unable to stand her guard in any possible way. It leads to Kara saying stupid, flirty things that are very unlike her, but Lena’s company just happens to demand her saying. 

 

Kara feels a knot form in her throat and her legs grow heavy, not sure of whether she is ready for that much amount of opening up, and so she prays to Rao that having Alex, Maggie and Sam here as well will stop Lena from challenging Kara to be defenseless. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed :D
> 
> Bear with me here, I have not given up on this story but pls be patient. :)


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